Dating Advice: New Year's Resolutions. Who Needs Them? : Cyber Dating Expert
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Dating Advice – New Year’s Resolutions. Who Needs Them?


Happy New Year in love

Welcome to 2010. For those who have the tradition of making New Year’s resolutions, I have some dating advice to add to your list.

Bah humbug? No, not really. I met several singles over the holidays who dreaded this time of the year and were looking forward to a new beginning. January is the single largest month for new subscriptions to online dating services. When they discussed their frustrations with online dating, I asked why it wasn’t working for them.

The number one reason was FEAR. Yes fear. Fear has caused many singles to lie about their age to fit into a search. This isn’t new. So, when a 59 year old fairly attractive male told me he said he was 55 in his profile and he wasn’t planning on changing that number, I asked him,? “Will you still be 55 when you are 60?”? He had to think about the answer.

Most of us look in the mirror and think we look younger than we are. We see photos on Facebook from high school and college friends and they always look older than we do, or at least we think so.

I continued my discussion with the almost 60-year old man. He was concerned that only older women would write to him. Maybe some will. When I convinced him that he didn’t have to go out with every woman who wrote to him,? especially those that didn’t fit into his search, he eased up for a minute.? When I was positive that he wasn’t going to tell the truth about his age, I asked him how he’d feel if a woman lied about her age and said she was 5-10 years younger. Although it’s a common trend in cyberdating,? he said it’s a turn-off to him.

Finally, I asked him to make a New Year’s resolution to update his profile. He was not going to say he was 59 as fear of turning 60 made him panic.? He did reluctantly agree to adding a “disclaimer” in his profile saying that he was really 59 but looked and felt much younger and wanted to fit into a search.? I asked him to be honest about his age. He said he’d try it. After all, he hadn’t been successful in lying on his online dating profile in the 3 years he has been on multiple Internet dating sites.

It’s a New Year. 2009 was difficult for many with the economic turbulence. The desire for singles to couple-up is at an all time high. Wouldn’t you want someone to be honest with you from the beginning?

Make it your New Year’s resolution to live your life with authenticity –Online, offline, and where ever you may roam.

If you need some help in getting started with your online dating profile, contact us and we’ll help you create that IRRESISTIBLE Profile to help you stand out among the millions of online daters.

Julie Spira is a dating coach and author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Visit her at


2 Responses to “Dating Advice – New Year’s Resolutions. Who Needs Them?”

  1. Ernie on January 1st, 2010 6:09 pm

    I really liked this piece.

  2. Bruce Sallan on January 7th, 2010 7:44 am

    Julie – maybe “fear” is the number one obstacle but I’d suggest “persistence” is the number one reason most people get frustrated and/or quit the online dating world. Especially women. Many women get sick of the lying, or just can’t handle the crassness of many men or, like my one date I had, just can’t handle the volume of winks, blinks, looks, and e-mails. She said, when we were first dating, that she got something like 1,800 in a 10-day period. At first I didn’t believe her (my now wife got over 10,000 during the months she was doing online dating – and answered EVERY one – meeting 7 of them. I was the 7th). I asked this date how she happened to pick me to meet. Yes, I think I was a “catch” but among thousands why me? Her answer was sobering. She said she literally does an eine-meenie-minie-moe with the pages of e-mails, deleting whole pages arbitrarily and opening other e-mails randomly. I happened to be one of the random ones she opened. I made her laugh and she responded. So, in essence, it was lottery luck.
    With men, they have to deal with TONS of rejections and no answers to the TONS of e-mails them must send.

    Okay, I’m droning on and on. I just want to say, it can work. It worked for me and Julie knows what she’s talking about so pay attention!

    Bruce Sallan (“A Dad’s Point-of-View”)

    P.S. you can find my “page” on Facebook if you’re interested.

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