Spring is around the corner. The clocks have been pushed ahead and many of you are calling and writing in with that achy pain and frustrated feeling.
You’re swiping, you’re smiling, you’re flirting, and you’re still single.
If you feel this way, know that you’re not alone. Just like you do a spring cleaning of your closets and homes, or your medical health checkup at the beginning of a season, it’s time for a digital checkup on the reasons why you’re not successful with online dating.
If you’re feeling unlucky on the day one believes in luck the most, this post is for you.
Roman philosopher Seneca said it best when he talked about luck. “Luck is a matter of preparation meeting opportunity. ”
Just how prepared are you? How much work are you willing to do to be happy and in love? Is it fate and are you waiting or will you take matters into your own digital hands?
Here’s an open letter to women to help open your heart to find love this spring.
Do any of these sound familiar?
- I’m unhappy with the quality of matches.
- I think all guys want to hook up.
- Online dating and mobile dating feels like too much work.
- No one responds to my emails.
- Guys have too many options and are looking for the next great swipe.
- All he wants to do is text.
- I don’t want to be online for too long.
- The same people are online that were online last year.
The list goes on.
These gripes and frustrations are coming from both men and women. You see, we’ve all been there. I can tell you that we are coaching more men these days than women and they are SERIOUS about finding love.
They pay for a dating coach, they put the expense and effort into getting new photos taken for the Internet dating profiles, they’re proactive and are writing to ten women a day. They put the same effort into online dating or are using their mobile dating apps to find a partner, with the same effort they do in getting that promotion at work. They know it can take a moment, a day, a week, or a year. They do the work and for the most, they don’t complain about it. There’s a gold ring at the end. It’s getting the girl.
This is what someone does when they pursue what they’re looking for. Seek and ye shall find.
As women, we are trained to wait for the man to find us. We don’t search that frequently and we don’t send ten emails to men every day or respond to that mutual match on a mobile dating app first. That’s too much male energy for us. We think about the guy who couldn’t commit, about a potential date’s height, income, our ex who found a younger girlfriend, and the boyfriend who cheated. There’s so much negative thinking going on, that it’s impossible to attract someone great. Guys are guilty until proven innocent. I know this, because I talk to single men and women every day who are looking for love.
These days, if you don’t have a mobile dating strategy, you’re pretty much not in the game. Not every swipe turns to a match. Not every match turns into a date. Not every date turns into your boyfriend. Not swiping means you just might be waiting…and waiting. Next season, you’ll be reading this post again waiting for summer to begin, wondering where all the great guys are.
So what are the guys complaining about?
- Every girl’s profile looks the same.
- Every girl wants a sugar daddy or someone to pay her bills.
- Women have too many choices and they never write back.
- We want to sleep with her eventually, but we need to have chemistry.
- Women are looking for free meals.
- Women complain about bad dates, exes, work, and money.
- She’s a serial dater and not looking for something serious.
- The same people are online that were online last year.
As a Digital Matchmaker and Online Dating Expert for over 20 years, I can tell you that both men and women have the same complaints. They want to connect, they just can’t find you. Or if they find you, you complain and don’t seem open and available.
I’m here to tell you that women are allowed to make the first move, while still remaining in their feminine energy. This is why both women and men enjoy the new Bumble app, where women make the first move. Women have more control over their love lives now, rather than waiting for their one in 50 million to find them. Men are flattered to hear from the women. Guys are frustrated when they keep swiping and writing, with no reply. Matches are being made. It’s what happens IRL that can help or hinder the process of getting to a second date and starting a relationship.
Here’s the thing, everyone’s dating online. No one calls to say they’re super-excited to be dating five guys a week for 52 weeks. They’re hoping their online dating tenure is shorter than longer.
A Pew Internet Research survey on online dating has shown that 30% of women actually enlist the help of someone to write their dating profile. These are the women who are taking it seriously. The same survey also showed that three times the amount of singles 18-24 are using mobile dating apps as compared to two years ago. It also showed that online dating use for adults 55-64 has doubled in the same time period. Everyone from your kids to grandma are dating online.
As you write down your long list of what you’re looking for and what you’re NOT looking for, I urge you to take any negative words or statements out of your vocabulary, out of your profile, and out of your first few dates. Everyone has a bad day here or there. If you’re walking train wreck, no one will want to date you or fall in love with you. Sure, they’ll sleep with you if you let them, but then you’ll complain that all guys want to hook up. As much as guys say they want a drama-free woman, there is no such thing as a drama free life. Our life lessons are what makes us unique.
With spring around the corner, I urge you to leave the drama behind, leave the novel behind and go out and be happy. Enjoy meeting new people and learning about life outside of your world.
If your profile is filled with deal-breakers and you’re saying “don’t contact me if…,” I promise you, he won’t.
Life and love have a bit of luck involved, but it’s the effort that you put in that will determine the outcome of your fate. If you’re still stuck, you know where to find us.
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert , Mobile Dating Expert, and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the CEO and founder of Cyber-Dating Expert and has been coaching singles on finding love online for over 20 years. Julie’s a frequent guest in the media with her online dating advice. Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook, and remember to sign up for the FREE Weekly Flirt Newsletter.