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Will Your Netflix “Showmance” Last?

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If date night consists of binge watching Breaking Bad or Orange is the New Black with your date, you’re not alone.

Netflix released the results of a survey of 1,008 American Netflix users between the ages of 18 and 29 to find out what Netflix meant in their relationship with their significant other. According to the results, 25% of people get “Show Goggles” and find their crushes or significant others more attractive based on the shows they watch.

Compatibility is also very important, not just in your relationship, but in your show preferences. 27% insist that show compatibility is very important, which makes a lot of sense. If your S.O. won’t binge Archer with, how are you supposed to be together?

So how do you know if you’ll be binge watch compatible? For starters, post your favorite TV shows in your online dating profile to see if you have shows in common with a potential date. With over 1/2 of those surveyed using TV show titles to attract a date, make sure to use those keywords where you can, including listing the show on the 6 things you can’t live without on OkCupid, or stating it in your Match or POF profile.

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Making Your Relationship “Netflix Official”

I’ll admit, my ex-boyfriend and I had a Netflix love affair. I still have the password to his account and with his permission am able to continue viewing shows as my leisure.  A majority of respondents (51%) agreed that sharing a Netflix password means that the relationship is serious, while 17% won’t share a password until they’re engaged.

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Date Night Decisions

Staying in and watching Netflix together is a great way to spend a casual date night. Over 1/2 of those surveyed said they use Netflix as a way to bond with their significant other.

If you’ve ever negotiated over shows with your boyfriend or girlfriend, know that you’re not alone. 65% of respondents engage in negotiations over which show to watch, and 35% trade show for show.

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Remember: Couples that stream together, dream together.

Infographic courtesy of Netflix. View full infographic here.

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

The Perils of Cyber-Dating

 

Newly released: Our completely revised edition of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Now available as an audio book in Audible and on Kindle. Listen to the magical epilogue with the fairy tale ending to help you believe in love.

Celebrities Swiping Right for Love

Celebs Raya The LeagueWhen Tinder came out with verified profiles in 2015 to eliminate people thinking they ran into the Ryan Gosling instead of a fake, it was helpful for a while, but not exclusive enough for some celebs.

Recently a few apps have launched that are exclusively for celebrities. Much like some of the hottest clubs these celebs go to, these dating apps are private, invite-only apps that put them in touch with other high profile people.

The League Mobile Dating App

One app, The League, which started out in 2014 with a beta launch in San Francisco, invites users based on their LinkedIn profiles and their friend networks. The League uses an advanced screening algorithm to keep their dating pool well balanced and high quality.the league 1

The greatest thing about The League is that it uses your LinkedIn connections and completely hides your profile from your friends, business contacts, and coworkers. Who wouldn’t want a little stealth in their online dating? The app also uses your Facebook account to pull photos, personal information, and interests from your profile to match you more effectively

The downsides are that you’re only given 5 potential matches per day, and if you match with another user and don’t reach out to or respond to that match in 3 weeks, the match expires.

However, there are a couple of great things I noticed that I wish everyday folks on Tinder would get to experience.

Users of The League can set ultra-specific preferences for potential matches, including height, education, and ethnicity, as well as the Tinder-offered gender, age, and distance preferences. Matches can also be sorted into different categories based on how good of a match they are, how recently you matched, and how flaky the user is. Another cool thing about the app is the concierge service they offer to users. Every user gets a concierge to answer any questions they have about the app and to let them know about in-app updates.

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Raya Mobile Dating App

The other celeb-only app, Raya, aka the “Illuminati Tinder,” is an exclusive dating app and networking platform for people in creative industries. Raya launched in spring 2014 and has somehow, unlike The League, stayed totally out of the press until the recent announcement I viewed on Mashable that Amy Schumer met her new beau on Raya.raya 1

Raya is made of up a diverse group of people, but a group that is generally more Internet famous, like vloggers, artists, models, pro skateboarders and dancers, clothing designers, and even YouTube beauty guru. A secretive, anonymous committee admits each member to the app, based in part on their Instagram presence. Like The League, an algorithm that considers a few very key factors evaluates applicants on:

  • Overall Instagram influence,
  • Who recommended the applicant, and
  • How many active Raya members follow the applicant on Instagram

Instagram was the chosen platform for users to log in with because they believe it’s the most creative and expressive social network, which makes sense, considering Raya is designed for creatives.

There are two downsides to Raya. One, it charges users a membership fee, but Raya states on their website that it’s purely to “keep the lights on” and to eliminate advertisements that would cheapen the Raya experience. The other is, you’ll probably end up on their wait-list.

Celebrities on Tinder

As cool as these exclusive apps are, you still might find a celeb or two while you’re swiping through Tinder, or you’ve watched Jimmy Fallon’s frequent segments on Tinder for celebrities. A few celebs, like Hilary Duff and Britney Spears, have been spotted on Tinder. Duff even turned her Tinder experience into a music video for her song “Sparks,” off her 2015 album, Breathe In. Breathe Out, her first release in over 7 years. Mariah Carey also took to dating sites the rest of us use to promote her music as well by creating a profile and debuting the video to her break-up song, “Infinity,” on the site. Other artists, such as Ed Sheeran, were offered verified profiles, but the singer/songwriter turned it down, claiming he didn’t have time to be going on a lot of dates and that he’d rather spend his time talking about his music.

Dating pools on both The League and Raya are still relatively small since they’re so selective, so you may have better luck on apps available to non-celebs. It may take you a while to actually find an A-lister on an app like Tinder, but they’re out there, so keep swiping!

Let us help you find your dream date with SwipingRight

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating and Mobile Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s been helping singles find love online for over 20 years with her Irresistible Coaching programs.

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook. Sign up for the free Cyber-Dating Expert Weekly Flirt newsletter.

 

Valentine’s Dating: How to Land a Date for Valentine’s

Valentine's Day - CyberDatingExpert.com

Valentine’s Day. Love it, or hate it?

We’re about one month away from the most romantic holiday of the year.

Here’s our Valentine’s Survival Guide.

If you’re single, there’s no need to hide under the covers. If you’re dating someone, but he hasn’t asked you to be his Valentine just yet, here are some tips to enjoy the day, regardless of your relationship status. Remember, Valentine’s is on a weekend this year and it’s also during President’s Day weekend, so think big and be optimistic. It’s time to fill your date card.

1. Ramp up Your Online Search

Let’s face it, everyone seems to be online theses days, so if you’re not logging on EVERY day, checking your matches and responding quickly to his or her emails, someone else just might get their attention faster. It’s true what they say that the squeaky wheel gets the deal. If you can carve out time to go to the gym, you should be able to schedule time to log on daily. Make sure you’ve signed up for push notifications of when someone has emailed you or made you their favorite so you can respond quickly. Ditch the old waiting game rules. This is how to stand out in the digital dating world.

2. Keep Swiping Right

If you’re on Tinder, Hinge, Bumble, Happn or other mobile dating apps, make sure your notifications are turned on and swipe right several times a day to view your matches. When you get a mutual match, respond quickly and always use their first name when you are saying hello. Remember not to say “hey,” as horses hang out in hay. Got it?

Read: 6 Mobile Apps You Should be Using in 2016

3. Text an Ex

Did you know that 20% of singles do text an ex on or around Valentine’s Day? So if both of you are single, why not get together and go down memory lane. Make sure you’re on the same page and just enjoy the evening. You may not be rekindling, but the familiarity might just make it a fun evening rather than flying solo.

4. Attend Singles Events

The one thing about singles events is, everyone is in the same boat. They’re single and are hoping to connect with someone. Check out Match.com’s Stir events in your city, RSVP to a MeetUp for a subject you’re passionate about, and attend business networking events. The more you’re out there in the public, the more opportunities you have to flirt with a potential date. Remember not to be too coy. Be bold and smile. Dr. Pat Allen, author of “Getting to ‘I Do,'” suggests the five-second stare. It may feel like an eternity, but it may bring you closer to that cute guy across the room. P.S. Remember to wear red! It’s the color of love and romance and research has proven that guys respond more often to women wearing red. .

Related: Read Valentine’s Survival Guide

5. Don’t Go Overboard

From going to an amusement park to ride the Ferris Wheel to taking a cooking class or going ice skating, make Valentine’s Day a no-pressure experience if you’re in a new relationship and aren’t exclusive yet. There’s no need to break the bank.

Related: Read 10 Fun Valentine’s Date Ideas

Being single on Valentine’s isn’t the end of the world. Sure you go into stores and see nothing but boxes of red candy and roses throughout the grocery stores, but a new survey from U.K. online dating site Smooch.com shows that only 10% of the 2000 singles polled actually love Valentine’s Day. Are the other 90% pretending to go along with the program?

Grab your BFF’s, dress in pink or red, and head to the movies or a concert together. Valentine’s Day isn’t always about love. It’s about spending quality time with someone you really like.

Are you a fan or foe of Valentine’s Day?

Photo credit: Fotolia

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of online dating and creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more online dating advice like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert and sign up for the Free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

P.S. Our newly revised version of our bestselling book is coming out for Valentine’s Day as an audio book. You won’t want to miss hearing the Epilogue, guaranteed to warm your heart.

Hello December! 5 Tips to Finding Love Online

Finding Love in December - Julie SpiraHappy December my #Tweethearts.

My how time flies! It’s hard to believe that we are in the final month of the year, the month where we celebrate with friends and loved ones, decorate our homes, and fill our calendars with holiday parties.

December is also the time of year where singles want to couple up BIG time and looking for love online is at the top of the list.

I shared in a previous blog the article in the New York Post, where a survey from our friends at Match showed that the number one gift for singles is…. a date. Yes indeed. Finding a date for the holidays ranked higher than picking out the latest tech gadget.

With that in mind, here are 5 online and mobile dating tips to help you find love and your one in 50 million online.

 

  • Swipe Right. Yes. Apps like Tinder are responsible for some serious relationships, so ditch your old thoughts about hookups only with mobile dating apps and start swiping right.

 

 

  • Favorite your Digital Crush. Online dating is a numbers game, but it’s so easy to get lost in the digital shuffle. To stand out, Super Like your match on Tinder, say yes to your daily matches on Match, and favorite or hot list someone to get their attention

 

 

  • Don’t Wait. Initiate. Just because someone viewed your profile, doesn’t mean you should sit back and wait for the email to arrive. To fill your date card, you MUST be proactive. That means logging in daily, seeing who viewed your profile, and writing to 5-10 new people a day.

 

 

  • Snap New Photos. While your Facebook and Instagram profiles are up-to-date with fresh new photos, your online dating profile just might need a digital face-lift. The first place to start is with the photos. Grab a few from your social networking sites or better yet, enlist the help from a friend who has a great digital camera. Snap 100 photos in 5 different outfits and have a photo selection party with your BFFs. They’ll help you select the best pics. P.S. Remember to wear red and ditch the little black dress. Red is the color of love, passion, and the stop sign. It’s also the signature color for the holidays.

 

 

  • Meet IRL. The point of Internet dating isn’t to have a digital pen-pal. It’s to meet someone amazing who you click with, who you can think about every morning when you wake up. You can’t find him or her if you don’t take your relationship from online to offline. Schedule a short phone chat and if the chemistry is there, add him or her to your date card and meet in person.

 

As always, I wish you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo

Julie

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of the Internet and online dating and has been helping singles find love online and on their mobile phones for over 20 years. For more dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the FREE Weekly Flirt newsletter.

 

This is the Top Gift for Singles

A few years ago on Cyber Monday, The New York Post published an article that caught the eye of many singles entitled, Best Holiday Gift is a Date.

Forget the lingerie or tech gifts, if you’re single, you really want a great date, right?

On a day where shopping frenzy is at an all time high, singles are more worried about finding a date. It’s true that finding a date for the holidays is the number one stress for singles now.

Match says their traffic increases by almost 23 percent during the holidays. They claim that 59.5 percent of those polled said they’d prefer a kiss over a new laptop on New Year’s Eve.

Match found that 48 percent of respondents listed in their poll said finding someone to share the holiday with as their biggest end-of-the-year worry, while only 23 percent said they’re most anxious about finding the perfect present.

As an online dating expert and relationship coach, I agree with their findings.

Cyber-Dating Expert has shown a huge spike since Halloween and many singles signed up for the Black Friday and Cyber Monday specials, with the hope of finding someone sooner, rather than later.

Remember, if you’re a single woman who wants to couple-up, there are many single men who feel the same way during the holidays.

Let me help you find your dream date for the holidays and make it a better experience for you by creating your Irresistible online dating profile.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of Internet dating and has been helping singles find love online and on their mobile phones for over 20 years. For more dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the FREE Weekly Flirt newsletter.

 

 

Is Tinder Looking More like LinkedIn?

Tinder UpdateMobile dating app Tinder has a new software update available which they believe will help you find better matches.

In version 4.7.0, users can now add the school they attended as well as where they work, which will both add more authenticity to your profile, as well as give a few ice breakers for those to decide whether to swipe right or left and start a conversation if you match.

While many social networks such as Facebook allow you to list the school you attended to attract other alumni, and the name of your employer, Tinder is following in their digital footsteps to help you find a date.

Still on the shy side? You can use their editing and privacy features to decide whether you want your school and employer to appear on your profile.

These days, more singles want to know you’re for real. Finding out which friends you have in common and seeing a mobile dating profile that mirrors some of your Linkedin profile features, can make a woman feel safer about swiping right.  With their latest algorithm updates, the new ‘Super Like’ feature, and more, Tinder is reaching singles with a variety of dating goals. Say goodbye to hookups only and ‘Tinder Moments’ and say hello to your friends-of-friends, co-workers, and classmates.

WATCH: THE MOBILE LOVE INDUSTRY

Tinder also highlights your new matches at the top of the screen with a circle with their photos and their names. This new interface, instead of just a horizontal list is actually a great look and you can easily see who has ‘Super Liked’ you and who you’ve matched with to start a new convo.

In an interview with Business Insider, Sean Rad, CEO of Tinder says, “This update is part of a wider push by Tinder to give you more relevant information about someone before you decide to swipe left or right.”

To add your school and job to your Tinder profile here are the steps.

  1. Go to the app store and update to the latest version of Tinder
  2. Click on View Profile and Edit Info.
  3. Under your bio, you’ll see Current Work and School. This has been pulled from Facebook. You can freely delete one or the other. Maybe you won’t mind telling what school you attended, but don’t want a Tinder date showing up on your doorstep at work.

RELATED: Tinder Adds Super Like Button to Nudge Your Digital Crush

P.S. You can connect your Instagram profile to Tinder, but if you’ve got a bunch of photos in the arms of another man or woman, you might not want to utilize that feature.

Are you enjoying the new features of Tinder?

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating and Mobile Dating Expert. She was an early adopter of Internet dating and has been helping singles find love online for over 20 years. Julie is the creator of Mobile Dating BootCamp and was recently featured in the Vice Documentary, The Mobile Love Industry, along with Tinder CEO Sean Rad.  For more online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

Does Texting Make Your Dating Life Crazy?

Texting TipsWe live in a fast-paced digital world where texting and tweeting has replaced the human voice in matters of the heart. With digital dating, texts can make anyone anxious.

When it comes to love and romance, that good morning text or smiley face emoticon can make your day. Receiving a text when your date gets home to say he had a great time will help you fall asleep with a smile on your face. Hearing the chime on your phone with a simple, “Sweet dreams” is an almost guarantee that you’ll be dreaming about him.

On the opposite end of the digital spectrum, the absence of a daily text or a change in routine can send many in new relationships and the lovelorn into an unnecessary panic attack. Let’s face it. Women often tend to over-analyze the word count and sentence structure of every text they receive from men. What’s intended to just make sure you have a connection and to keep the momentum going often ends up with a bad reaction of sending a text you wish you hadn’t pushed the send button on, or not sending any reply at all. It’s enough to make you lose sleep at night, grab a pint of ice cream, or dial ten girlfriends to ask them what to do. It’s exhausting and unnecessary. It’s just a text or a way to ping someone to stay in touch, not a relationship measuring stick on whether he’s into you or not.

Most people are so attached to their cell phones that they sleep with them at night or would put them in the shower with them if they were waterproof. Texting can be addicting, but is a great form of digital foreplay.

If the rhythm of your texts has gone awry from your digital crush, here are some of the reasons why and tips on how to stay calm when your phone isn’t chirping or vibrating.

1.  He’s Busy. Men are typically goal-oriented and work and projects are at the top of their list. He might be stuck in a meeting all day out of the office and forgot to tell you his schedule. He might be compartmentalizing and getting his tasks done for the day before he starts to think about romance with you. He might be on an airplane without WiFi. The list goes on. If he isn’t texting you, it doesn’t mean you’re not on his mind. Women on the other hand are great at multitasking. They text, talk, tweet, and blow-dry their hair at the same time.

What to do: Take a deep breath. It’s just a text and not a life-threatening illness. Understand he may not even realize the last time he sent you a text. If you’re on his mind, he might think things are fine.

Read: 20 Flirty Texts to Capture His Heart

2.  He Responds with One Word.  Does it upset you when you write a sweet long text and he replies, with, “ok” or “yep” or “nope?” If so, you’re not alone.

What to do: Reply back with a short text. Use an emoticon such as a happy face to acknowledge it.  Women tend to be more gabby. Guys who are busy read the text reply quickly and move on. Don’t look at his word-count as a lack of interest. He’s not keeping score, nor should you.

3. He Hasn’t Figured Out Your Relationship Status.If you started out as friends and moved into casual dating, he might not be sure if it’s time to get serious or not. Going steady is a big deal to guys. It means they typically won’t be keeping their options open anymore. Rather than disappearing permanently, his texts might become less frequent while he sorts it out.

What to do: Stop living and judging the health of your new relationship based upon the frequency of texts. Take the time to enjoy the moments you have together and don’t over think or spend your precious time projecting to the future. Allow your relationship to progress at its own pace. Women worry about relationship labels. Men think about how they feel when they are around you and miss you when you’re apart. When he realizes you’re a catch and doesn’t want anyone stealing his girl, he’ll amp it up. Don’t ask him why he hasn’t sent you a text in five days. When you hear from him, be happy and respond to keep the digital dialog going.

Read: He Texts Me Daily. Are We in a Relationship?

4.  He has a girlfriend or is involved. Some guys are just flirts by nature. They like to engage in digital conversations with women to boost their egos to keep their options open. If he’s texting you sporadically, but not putting a date on the calendar or changing plans last minute, he just might be setting you up as a back-up girl or might have had a bump on the road with his steady sweetie.

What to do: Ask him. Be blunt and honest. If he can’t schedule something with you on the weekends, but loves to text with you during the week, you should be filling up your date card and keeping your options open. Let him know you’d like to be friends, but don’t allow yourself to get invested in a relationship where you’re just the backup girl. Who really wants to play second fiddle?

5. He always replies a day later. Most of us are attached to our phones, but sometimes the battery life gets depleted, the phone is turned off, someone went to sleep early, family commitments get in the way, or they glanced at your text and decided to reply in the morning. All of these scenarios are natural. However if every text is returned 24 hours later, then realize that he just isn’t that interested in you or is playing hard to get. The digital flow just isn’t happening.

Watch: What to Do if He Only Wants to Text Me [vide0]

What to do: You can mirror his actions by taking another 24 hours to reply, but it’s just game-playing. Let him know that you enjoy receiving texts from him and the daily banter. If he still doesn’t up the ante, find someone else who can’t wait to see your text or emoticon on his phone.

Read: I Saw His Text Messages: Is He Cheating or Is It Over?

Remember, communication in relationships is key and everyone these days use their cell phones for calls, texts, tweets, and facebook comments or likes. Let your guy know that staying in touch when you’re apart and that his texts put a smile on your face. Don’t play texting games and punish him by not replying to his texts when he sends them. No one wants to be with someone who is playing too hard to get. Show that you appreciate it when he takes the time to send you a text. Keep those smiley face emoticons in your text replies when you’re happy to hear from him.

At the end of the digital day, texting is just one ingredient in the recipe for love, it’s not the sole defining factor in your relationship.

Read: 5 Texting Tips to Help Improve Your Relationship

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com, where they create Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene and help daters swipe right on mobile apps such as Tinder. For more dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

Dating in a Digital World

Texting Match Survey

It’s official! Singles are so attached to their mobile phones, that the sound of the chirping at night will actually wake them up to find out if their digital crush is sending a good night text saying, “Sweet dreams” to help them sleep better.

In the 5th Annual Singles in America Study released by Match, they focus on digital dating habits of 5,675 singles in the U.S. between the ages of 18 to 70+.

The study showed that singles looking for love online go on more dates than those who meet in bars or offline with online daters going on an average of 4.2 dates in 2014, as compared to offline daters who went on an average of 2.8 dates.

According to the study, 82% of singles went on a date in 2014 with someone they met online, as compared to 49% of those who were dating offline. The study also stated that online daters are looking for a more committed relationship, are more likely to be more educated, and have full time jobs.

While this makes a lot of sense with the huge dating pool and the focused activity of logging on daily to look for a date, as compared to going out organically, it reinforces what we already know: Online dating is efficient. It’s available 24-hours a day and if you take advantage of the matching features of many dating sites, you will be able to fill up your date card.

Since 60% of singles log onto social networking sites for an average of one-hour per day, start liking the posts of someone you might have a digital crush on, remember to use spell-check and grammar check,  and mind your texting manners to capture his or her heart.

Texting Etiquette Dos and Dont’s from Single Men to Women

1. Do post photos

2. Don’t text more than once before a reply

3. Do post sexy texts

4. Don’t text during work hours

5. Do post emoticons

6. Don’t post slang (LOL, OMG, etc.)

Texting Etiquette Dos and Dont’s from Single Women to Men

1. Do post photos

2. Don’t post sexy texts

3. Do post emoticons

4. Don’t post sexy photos

5. Do post slang (LOL, OMG, etc.)

6. Don’t text more than once before a reply

Full report and details at SinglesinAmerica.com

Match SIA study

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of Internet dating, having created her first profile over 20 years ago. Julie’s the host of #DateChat on Thursdays at 5pm/PT on Twitter and the founder of CyberDatingExpert.com where they create Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

Dating Advice – How Do You Know if He Likes You?

Ask the Cyberdating Expert Radio ShowDear Julie,

I have a question about whether this guy I’m interested in actually likes me.

First, let me set the scene for you.

I met a guy who I instantly felt a connection for. Initially there were some flirty texts going back and forth and I found myself getting drawn in very quickly. I was actually concerned that I was getting too attached.

I also noticed that he would be quite flirty with others and this made me anxious. I know flirting is a common thing, but does this make him a player? He also sent me email messages telling me that he loves me, but I think I may have misunderstood his intention.

So, I called him on the flirting thing and he responded with, “I get it.” I’m not sure what that means. I’m also not sure how to proceed with this man.

Do you have any thoughts?

~Frustrated texter.

Dear Frustrated texter,

Texting plays a huge part in the digital dating game.

Many guys flirt with text messages for en ego boost or just to have fun. Since you don’t fit into the girlfriend status of this flirtatious guy, it’s most likely that you’re one of many girls that he likes. If you were dating exclusively and he was calling you his girlfriend, than sending flirty texts to other women would be a form of emotional cheating in my opinion.

But let’s get back to your question of does he like you? It would appear that he likes you and he likes others. Since I don’t know if he’s taken you out on an official date, it’s hard to figure out if you’re in digital dating rotation or you’re still in the friend zone. In the pre-texting days, guys would often see a pretty girl and smile at her and say hello. Remember guys are visual and this is actually a normal form of behavior for a man.

Unless your guy is sleeping with you and others that he’s texting, I doubt he’s a player, but one who likes to have his ego stroked.

Before you put all of your eggs into one digital basket with this guy, just stay friends with him. When a guy says he loves someone, often it means he loves hanging out with someone or even would love to sleep with them. If he says I’m in love with you and you’ve been dating exclusively than that’s another story, and one to take seriously.  From what you’ve written, it doesn’t even sound like you’re dating. So before you say “I love you” back and shed your clothing, just look at him as a flirty friend, date others, and see if he’s interested in dating you. If you get to the point of becoming a couple, just let him know that flirting with others via text when you’re exclusive is something you’re uncomfortable with. If he continues to do so, then maybe it’s time to find another guy to have a crush on who will make you his one-and-only.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo

Do you have a dating and relationship question for Julie Spira. Send your questions to CyberDatingExpert.com/contact

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of online dating and creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

 

Holiday Dating Survival Guide

Holiday Dating survival guideIt’s safe to say that emotions are flying high during the holidays for singles, new couples not sure how to define themselves, those who have had a recent breakup, and those who are tired of hearing from their relatives about their relationship status.

The holiday period from Thanksgiving to New Year’s brings up a lot of emotions. In the words of Fleetwood Mac’s Stevie Nicks from the song Dreams, it’s natural to think of memories of what you had and what you lost. The band also sings about how “You make loving fun” so don’t turn down the volume just yet.  Listening to music this time of year can give you both strength and send you down memory lane.

One thing I know for sure, is my phone is ringing with singles wanting to connect and meet someone new to share the holidays with, so there are plenty of singles looking for love online now.

Still, I know how tough it is at the holidays being single. I’ve been there. I’ve been watching the abundance of posts on Facebook of couples who are changing their relationship status to “In a Relationship.” If your status isn’t that in that category, it can be a digital stab to your heart.

I’m here to tell you that this is actually the best time of year to meet someone wonderful to date. Filling your date card with quality people is quite possible, so take away that frown and look at my tips in our holiday survival guide.

The Cyber-Dating Expert Survival Guide to Help you Through the Holidays, Online and IRL.

1. Don’t rely on Social Media to go down memory lane

Sure I know it’s natural to take a peek to see what your ex is up to, but if they’re jetting off to Paris, heading for sunshine in Hawaii and kissing under the mistletoe, you’re hurting yourself big time. Instead, try to create your own new memories. Walk down a festively decorated street and snap a few photos of trees, store windows, and cheerful pictures and post them on your Facebook wall. So what if you’re alone or with your BFF. You’re out of the house and not living in the past. Digital snooping is also on the rise, especially during the holidays. It brings out the worst in many. At PlentyofFish, they surveyed over 9000 of their users between the ages of 20 -40 to find out what their holiday dating habits were. POF found that 82% of the women were actually checking the Facebook statuses of guys they were dating to see what they were doing when they weren’t around. Wouldn’t you be better off out, than attached to your phone?

2. Fill that date card and stay organized

Anxiety can be at an all time high, but joining a few dating sites and using mobile dating apps will be a great ego boost. It will also give you the chance to meet a lot of people. However, don’t embarrass yourself by calling Don, Doug or introduce yourself as Jackie from PlentyOfFish if you met him on eHarmony. The easiest way to do this is by creating an excel spreadsheet and logging your conversations. You would do this for a job, right? Well this is a job with a possibility of a lifetime of love. It’s worth the effort.

3. Block your ex’s profile

If you’ve recently ended a relationship with someone you met online and it wasn’t on good terms, chances are you’ve both rejoined the site to meet others. Make sure you block his or her profile so they don’t appear in a search and to avoid the obsessiveness that results when you check to see when they last logged on or if they’ve deactivated their profile. Don’t assume if their profile is gone that they’ve ridden off into the sunset with someone else. Sometimes people just take a break or they may have blocked you.

4. Don’t jump into a rebound relationship

They say the easiest way to get over someone is by replacing them in a New York minute with someone new, but is it right? Sure the initial infatuation stage is a lot of fun and it’s nice to have a warm body around, but finding someone new when you aren’t ready to date isn’t always the answer. Spend time with friends, hang out with an ex that you’re still on good terms with and can be yourself with, and spend time alone reading, writing, or taking a cooking class or French lesson.

5. Discuss holiday gift giving

Before you run off to Tiffany to get him sterling silver cufflinks engraved with his initials after three weeks of dating, ask yourself how overwhelming it would feel if he showed up with an engagement ring one month in. It could be over the top, right? Come up with a reasonable budget. Perhaps you can get him a cashmere scarf or sweater, tickets to a concert or sporting event, and make home made cookies. You could get her a gift certificate to a spa, gourmet chocolates, a fun accessory for her mobile phone, tickets to a show or a museum exhibition, or a piece of costume jewelry in her favorite color. Avoid giving her just lingerie, unless it’s something she picks out for herself.

6. It’s Peak Season for Online Daters

The good news is that more singles are signing up for dating sites between Thanksgiving and Valentine’s Day. Match reports they see a jump of about 25-30% in new members signing up between Christmas and Valentine’s Day and at Cyber-Dating Expert, it’s the busiest holiday season ever with new singles joining online dating sites and brand new dating profiles being created.

7. Accept ALL holiday invitations

If your inbox is filled with invitations for holiday mixers, fill your calendar and put on your party dress. Remember to smile at everyone. Business networking events are in abundance now, so you won’t have to feel that you’re the only single person there. Walk in with confidence and you’ll be turning heads and filling your date card.

8. Online Love is a year-round event

People meet online and fall in love all year long. I know a couple that met online on Christmas Eve on Facebook who are now engaged. I know of another couple that met online on eHarmony on Valentine’s Day who are now happily married. One couple fell in love at first sight that met on Match. She hadn’t had a serious relationship in over 10 years and now they’re married. Yes online dating is a numbers game. You’ll be juggling dates, canceling dates, rescheduling dates, it’s exhausting, but it can be so very rewarding as it has been for millions of others.

9. Fall in love with you

At the holidays, please take a deep breath; log on to fill your date card if and when it feels good to you, not because you’re feeling lonely. If you need to take a break from dating, that’s fine. There are no rules, other than to fall in love with yourself first. It’s the best place to be to start any new relationship.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace this holiday season, or wherever you may roam.

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and was a very early adopter of Internet dating. She’s the CEO of CyberDatingExpert.com, author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online, and creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. For online dating advice follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

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