When it comes to love and romance, that good morning text or smiley face emoticon can make your day. Receiving a text when your date gets home to say he had a great time will help you fall asleep with a smile on your face. Hearing the chime on your phone with a simple, “Sweet dreams” is an almost guarantee that you’ll be dreaming about him.
On the opposite end of the digital spectrum, the absence of a daily text or a change in routine can send many in new relationships and the lovelorn into an unnecessary panic attack. Let’s face it. Women often tend to over-analyze the word count and sentence structure of every text they receive from men. What’s intended to just make sure you have a connection and to keep the momentum going often ends up with a bad reaction of sending a text you wish you hadn’t pushed the send button on, or not sending any reply at all. It’s enough to make you lose sleep at night, grab a pint of ice cream, or dial ten girlfriends to ask them what to do. It’s exhausting and unnecessary. It’s just a text or a way to ping someone to stay in touch, not a relationship measuring stick on whether he’s into you or not.
Most people are so attached to their cell phones that they sleep with them at night or would put them in the shower with them if they were waterproof. Texting can be addicting, but is a great form of digital foreplay.
If the rhythm of your texts has gone awry from your digital crush, here are some of the reasons why and tips on how to stay calm when your phone isn’t chirping or vibrating.
1. He’s Busy. Men are typically goal-oriented and work and projects are at the top of their list. He might be stuck in a meeting all day out of the office and forgot to tell you his schedule. He might be compartmentalizing and getting his tasks done for the day before he starts to think about romance with you. He might be on an airplane without WiFi. The list goes on. If he isn’t texting you, it doesn’t mean you’re not on his mind. Women on the other hand are great at multitasking. They text, talk, tweet, and blow-dry their hair at the same time.
What to do: Take a deep breath. It’s just a text and not a life-threatening illness. Understand he may not even realize the last time he sent you a text. If you’re on his mind, he might think things are fine.
2. He Responds with One Word. Does it upset you when you write a sweet long text and he replies, with, “ok” or “yep” or “nope?” If so, you’re not alone.
What to do: Reply back with a short text. Use an emoticon such as a happy face to acknowledge it. Women tend to be more gabby. Guys who are busy read the text reply quickly and move on. Don’t look at his word-count as a lack of interest. He’s not keeping score, nor should you.
3. He Hasn’t Figured Out Your Relationship Status.If you started out as friends and moved into casual dating, he might not be sure if it’s time to get serious or not. Going steady is a big deal to guys. It means they typically won’t be keeping their options open anymore. Rather than disappearing permanently, his texts might become less frequent while he sorts it out.
What to do: Stop living and judging the health of your new relationship based upon the frequency of texts. Take the time to enjoy the moments you have together and don’t over think or spend your precious time projecting to the future. Allow your relationship to progress at its own pace. Women worry about relationship labels. Men think about how they feel when they are around you and miss you when you’re apart. When he realizes you’re a catch and doesn’t want anyone stealing his girl, he’ll amp it up. Don’t ask him why he hasn’t sent you a text in five days. When you hear from him, be happy and respond to keep the digital dialog going.
4. He has a girlfriend or is involved. Some guys are just flirts by nature. They like to engage in digital conversations with women to boost their egos to keep their options open. If he’s texting you sporadically, but not putting a date on the calendar or changing plans last minute, he just might be setting you up as a back-up girl or might have had a bump on the road with his steady sweetie.
What to do: Ask him. Be blunt and honest. If he can’t schedule something with you on the weekends, but loves to text with you during the week, you should be filling up your date card and keeping your options open. Let him know you’d like to be friends, but don’t allow yourself to get invested in a relationship where you’re just the backup girl. Who really wants to play second fiddle?
5. He always replies a day later. Most of us are attached to our phones, but sometimes the battery life gets depleted, the phone is turned off, someone went to sleep early, family commitments get in the way, or they glanced at your text and decided to reply in the morning. All of these scenarios are natural. However if every text is returned 24 hours later, then realize that he just isn’t that interested in you or is playing hard to get. The digital flow just isn’t happening.
What to do: You can mirror his actions by taking another 24 hours to reply, but it’s just game-playing. Let him know that you enjoy receiving texts from him and the daily banter. If he still doesn’t up the ante, find someone else who can’t wait to see your text or emoticon on his phone.
Remember, communication in relationships is key and everyone these days use their cell phones for calls, texts, tweets, and facebook comments or likes. Let your guy know that staying in touch when you’re apart and that his texts put a smile on your face. Don’t play texting games and punish him by not replying to his texts when he sends them. No one wants to be with someone who is playing too hard to get. Show that you appreciate it when he takes the time to send you a text. Keep those smiley face emoticons in your text replies when you’re happy to hear from him.
At the end of the digital day, texting is just one ingredient in the recipe for love, it’s not the sole defining factor in your relationship.
Julie Spira is an online dating expert and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com, where they create Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene and help daters swipe right on mobile apps such as Tinder. For more dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
It’s official! Singles are so attached to their mobile phones, that the sound of the chirping at night will actually wake them up to find out if their digital crush is sending a good night text saying, “Sweet dreams” to help them sleep better.
In the 5th Annual Singles in America Study released by Match, they focus on digital dating habits of 5,675 singles in the U.S. between the ages of 18 to 70+.
The study showed that singles looking for love online go on more dates than those who meet in bars or offline with online daters going on an average of 4.2 dates in 2014, as compared to offline daters who went on an average of 2.8 dates.
According to the study, 82% of singles went on a date in 2014 with someone they met online, as compared to 49% of those who were dating offline. The study also stated that online daters are looking for a more committed relationship, are more likely to be more educated, and have full time jobs.
While this makes a lot of sense with the huge dating pool and the focused activity of logging on daily to look for a date, as compared to going out organically, it reinforces what we already know: Online dating is efficient. It’s available 24-hours a day and if you take advantage of the matching features of many dating sites, you will be able to fill up your date card.
Since 60% of singles log onto social networking sites for an average of one-hour per day, start liking the posts of someone you might have a digital crush on, remember to use spell-check and grammar check, and mind your texting manners to capture his or her heart.
Texting Etiquette Dos and Dont’s from Single Men to Women
1. Do post photos
2. Don’t text more than once before a reply
3. Do post sexy texts
4. Don’t text during work hours
5. Do post emoticons
6. Don’t post slang (LOL, OMG, etc.)
Texting Etiquette Dos and Dont’s from Single Women to Men
1. Do post photos
2. Don’t post sexy texts
3. Do post emoticons
4. Don’t post sexy photos
5. Do post slang (LOL, OMG, etc.)
6. Don’t text more than once before a reply
Full report and details at SinglesinAmerica.com
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of Internet dating, having created her first profile over 20 years ago. Julie’s the host of #DateChat on Thursdays at 5pm/PT on Twitter and the founder of CyberDatingExpert.com where they create Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
I have a question about whether this guy I’m interested in actually likes me.
First, let me set the scene for you.
I met a guy who I instantly felt a connection for. Initially there were some flirty texts going back and forth and I found myself getting drawn in very quickly. I was actually concerned that I was getting too attached.
I also noticed that he would be quite flirty with others and this made me anxious. I know flirting is a common thing, but does this make him a player? He also sent me email messages telling me that he loves me, but I think I may have misunderstood his intention.
So, I called him on the flirting thing and he responded with, “I get it.” I’m not sure what that means. I’m also not sure how to proceed with this man.
Do you have any thoughts?
Dear Frustrated texter,
Texting plays a huge part in the digital dating game.
Many guys flirt with text messages for en ego boost or just to have fun. Since you don’t fit into the girlfriend status of this flirtatious guy, it’s most likely that you’re one of many girls that he likes. If you were dating exclusively and he was calling you his girlfriend, than sending flirty texts to other women would be a form of emotional cheating in my opinion.
But let’s get back to your question of does he like you? It would appear that he likes you and he likes others. Since I don’t know if he’s taken you out on an official date, it’s hard to figure out if you’re in digital dating rotation or you’re still in the friend zone. In the pre-texting days, guys would often see a pretty girl and smile at her and say hello. Remember guys are visual and this is actually a normal form of behavior for a man.
Unless your guy is sleeping with you and others that he’s texting, I doubt he’s a player, but one who likes to have his ego stroked.
Before you put all of your eggs into one digital basket with this guy, just stay friends with him. When a guy says he loves someone, often it means he loves hanging out with someone or even would love to sleep with them. If he says I’m in love with you and you’ve been dating exclusively than that’s another story, and one to take seriously. From what you’ve written, it doesn’t even sound like you’re dating. So before you say “I love you” back and shed your clothing, just look at him as a flirty friend, date others, and see if he’s interested in dating you. If you get to the point of becoming a couple, just let him know that flirting with others via text when you’re exclusive is something you’re uncomfortable with. If he continues to do so, then maybe it’s time to find another guy to have a crush on who will make you his one-and-only.
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo
Do you have a dating and relationship question for Julie Spira. Send your questions to CyberDatingExpert.com/contact
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of online dating and creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
It’s safe to say that emotions are flying high during the holidays for singles, new couples not sure how to define themselves, those who have had a recent breakup, and those who are tired of hearing from their relatives about their relationship status.
The holiday period from Thanksgiving to New Year’s brings up a lot of emotions. In the words of Fleetwood Mac’s Stevie Nicks from the song Dreams, it’s natural to think of memories of what you had and what you lost. The band also sings about how “You make loving fun” so don’t turn down the volume just yet. Listening to music this time of year can give you both strength and send you down memory lane.
One thing I know for sure, is my phone is ringing with singles wanting to connect and meet someone new to share the holidays with, so there are plenty of singles looking for love online now.
Still, I know how tough it is at the holidays being single. I’ve been there. I’ve been watching the abundance of posts on Facebook of couples who are changing their relationship status to “In a Relationship.” If your status isn’t that in that category, it can be a digital stab to your heart.
I’m here to tell you that this is actually the best time of year to meet someone wonderful to date. Filling your date card with quality people is quite possible, so take away that frown and look at my tips in our holiday survival guide.
The Cyber-Dating Expert Survival Guide to Help you Through the Holidays, Online and IRL.
1. Don’t rely on Social Media to go down memory lane
Sure I know it’s natural to take a peek to see what your ex is up to, but if they’re jetting off to Paris, heading for sunshine in Hawaii and kissing under the mistletoe, you’re hurting yourself big time. Instead, try to create your own new memories. Walk down a festively decorated street and snap a few photos of trees, store windows, and cheerful pictures and post them on your Facebook wall. So what if you’re alone or with your BFF. You’re out of the house and not living in the past. Digital snooping is also on the rise, especially during the holidays. It brings out the worst in many. At PlentyofFish, they surveyed over 9000 of their users between the ages of 20 -40 to find out what their holiday dating habits were. POF found that 82% of the women were actually checking the Facebook statuses of guys they were dating to see what they were doing when they weren’t around. Wouldn’t you be better off out, than attached to your phone?
2. Fill that date card and stay organized
Anxiety can be at an all time high, but joining a few dating sites and using mobile dating apps will be a great ego boost. It will also give you the chance to meet a lot of people. However, don’t embarrass yourself by calling Don, Doug or introduce yourself as Jackie from PlentyOfFish if you met him on eHarmony. The easiest way to do this is by creating an excel spreadsheet and logging your conversations. You would do this for a job, right? Well this is a job with a possibility of a lifetime of love. It’s worth the effort.
3. Block your ex’s profile
If you’ve recently ended a relationship with someone you met online and it wasn’t on good terms, chances are you’ve both rejoined the site to meet others. Make sure you block his or her profile so they don’t appear in a search and to avoid the obsessiveness that results when you check to see when they last logged on or if they’ve deactivated their profile. Don’t assume if their profile is gone that they’ve ridden off into the sunset with someone else. Sometimes people just take a break or they may have blocked you.
4. Don’t jump into a rebound relationship
They say the easiest way to get over someone is by replacing them in a New York minute with someone new, but is it right? Sure the initial infatuation stage is a lot of fun and it’s nice to have a warm body around, but finding someone new when you aren’t ready to date isn’t always the answer. Spend time with friends, hang out with an ex that you’re still on good terms with and can be yourself with, and spend time alone reading, writing, or taking a cooking class or French lesson.
5. Discuss holiday gift giving
Before you run off to Tiffany to get him sterling silver cufflinks engraved with his initials after three weeks of dating, ask yourself how overwhelming it would feel if he showed up with an engagement ring one month in. It could be over the top, right? Come up with a reasonable budget. Perhaps you can get him a cashmere scarf or sweater, tickets to a concert or sporting event, and make home made cookies. You could get her a gift certificate to a spa, gourmet chocolates, a fun accessory for her mobile phone, tickets to a show or a museum exhibition, or a piece of costume jewelry in her favorite color. Avoid giving her just lingerie, unless it’s something she picks out for herself.
6. It’s Peak Season for Online Daters
The good news is that more singles are signing up for dating sites between Thanksgiving and Valentine’s Day. Match reports they see a jump of about 25-30% in new members signing up between Christmas and Valentine’s Day and at Cyber-Dating Expert, it’s the busiest holiday season ever with new singles joining online dating sites and brand new dating profiles being created.
7. Accept ALL holiday invitations
If your inbox is filled with invitations for holiday mixers, fill your calendar and put on your party dress. Remember to smile at everyone. Business networking events are in abundance now, so you won’t have to feel that you’re the only single person there. Walk in with confidence and you’ll be turning heads and filling your date card.
8. Online Love is a year-round event
People meet online and fall in love all year long. I know a couple that met online on Christmas Eve on Facebook who are now engaged. I know of another couple that met online on eHarmony on Valentine’s Day who are now happily married. One couple fell in love at first sight that met on Match. She hadn’t had a serious relationship in over 10 years and now they’re married. Yes online dating is a numbers game. You’ll be juggling dates, canceling dates, rescheduling dates, it’s exhausting, but it can be so very rewarding as it has been for millions of others.
9. Fall in love with you
At the holidays, please take a deep breath; log on to fill your date card if and when it feels good to you, not because you’re feeling lonely. If you need to take a break from dating, that’s fine. There are no rules, other than to fall in love with yourself first. It’s the best place to be to start any new relationship.
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace this holiday season, or wherever you may roam.
Julie Spira is an online dating expert and was a very early adopter of Internet dating. She’s the CEO of CyberDatingExpert.com, author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online, and creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. For online dating advice follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
Flirting via text messages is the best digital foreplay and is guaranteed to keep your guy attached to his mobile phone waiting for the sound of your custom chime tone.
Between emoji’s and xoxo’s, here are 20 text messages guaranteed to reach his digital heart for every relationship stage.
- Thinking of you. Everyone wants to feel like they are special and thinking of you is a sweet way to make him smile. Don’t be surprised if he sends back a quick smiley face.
- Good Morning Handsome. This text goes right to the heart of his ego and will warm his heart throughout the day. Don’t be surprised if he sends a text that says, “Good morning beautiful” or “Good morning gorgeous.”
- You were hot last night! You can never go wrong the morning after when you tell your guy how hot he was in bed. He’ll be scheduling the next date for an encore ASAP. Don’t be surprised if he sends a text that says, “smokin hot.”
- Guess what I’m wearing? Whether you’re in sexy lingerie or just got out of the shower, the visual of what you’re wearing won’t matter. He’ll be thinking about how to undress you while staring at his phone. Don’t be surprised if he responds with, “What color?”
- I long for your delicious kisses. Kissing is first base and we all know what happens next. If he thinks you believe he’s an amazing kisser, he’ll be ready to come home to press his lips against yours in a New York moment. Don’t be surprised if he replies with a smiley face or an xoxo.
- I have a feeling tonight will be delicious. The ambiguity of this text is what makes it so exciting. Whether you’re cooking up a spicy dish in the kitchen or are saving yourself for dessert, he’ll know you’re flirting big time. Don’t be surprised if he responds with a smiley face or a text that says, “can’t wait!”
- What are you up to tonight? When your guy is hanging out at the office and realizes he has no plans for the evening, a casual get together with you just might be a great way to end the day. This text doesn’t necessarily mean you’re looking for a booty call. You may just want to catch a film or watch episodes of “Breaking Bad” on Netflix. Don’t be surprised if he responds with, “Not much. And you?” This is your cue to suggest getting together for a spontaneous date or adding a future date to the calendar.
- I had a dream about you last night. This flirty text will let his imagination run wild. Who wouldn’t want someone dreaming about them? He’ll be fantasizing about details of your dream and might lose track of time before he responds. Don’t be surprised if he responds with, “and how was it?” or “cool” or “sweet.”
- Wait until you see what I’m wearing tonight! Playing dress up can spice up your relationship. Whether he fantasizes about you wearing your cheerleader outfit or you have some new hot lingerie, his mind will be wandering all day. Don’t be surprised if he responds with, “can’t wait!”
- Last night was amazing. [wait for his response and then type] Ready for a repeat performance? When your guy rocks it in the bedroom, he really wants to know that he has pleased you as well. Letting him know just how amazing it was will be the perfect morning text. When he responds with, “I know” or “sure was” then follow it up with the repeat performance request. He’ll be scheduling you on his calendar in a digital heartbeat.
- I can’t stop thinking about you. You know that feeling you both get in a new relationship when you think you might be smitten? Now’s the time to let him know, rather than keeping him waiting. Don’t be surprised if he responds with, “me too!”
- Last night was fun. Can’t wait to see you again. Early on in a relationship, a guy’s got to get some feedback ladies. There’s no better way to capture his digital heart than through his phone. This one’s clean and appropriate and gives him the confidence that you’ll say yes if he asks you out again. Don’t be surprised if he responds with, “I had a blast” or “great time.”
- How did you sleep last night? Regardless of your relationship status, everyone imagines falling asleep in the arms of their crush someday. This sweet pillow talk text lets him know you’re thinking of him and is a great way to start the day. Don’t be surprised if he responds with, “would have been better with you” or “not bad” or “ok” or “good….and you?”
- Hey you! If you’re still in the friend zone with someone, here’s a casual text just to let them know you’re thinking about them. It’s similar to “thinking of you” but a bit more casual. Don’t be surprised if he writes back with, “hey!” Guys are simple. One word responses suit them quite well.
- Miss you. [wait for his response and type] Wish you were here. They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. When you or your beau are traveling, chances are he will miss your presence. These affectionate texts will warm his heart. Don’t be surprised if he responds with, “Me too.”
- I’ve been thinking about you all day. I know you don’t want to be obsessive, but if you’ve already exchanged a few text messages with your guy, why not reach out after lunch and let him know he’s on your mind. Don’t be surprised if he responds with a smiley face.
- Can you sneak away for coffee? While you might not be having an illicit affair with your beau, there’s something sexy and mysterious about sneaking away from work to see your sweetie for 15 minutes. If he’s free, don’t be surprised if he responds with, “sure.” Then it’s up to you to suggest the locale.
- Good night and sleep tight xo. Sending a good night text with an xo is as close to saying “I love you” as it gets for those who don’t text those three special words. Don’t be surprised if he responds with “nite” or “xo.”
- Sweet dreams. Xo. Sure dreams would be sweeter if you were in them, so why not send him into dreamland with you on his mind. Don’t be surprised if he responds with “xo” or “you too.”
- Trying to fall asleep…can’t stop thinking about you. When you’re not falling asleep in his arms, sometimes you can get restless and your mind will wander. No need to fret. Let him know that you can’t get to sleep. Chances are he might still be awake as well and a little late night flirting with texts back-and-forth might just be the medicine you need for a good night’s sleep.
Other Flirting Tips:
1. Use spell-check before pushing the send button. Often the auto-correct feature will kick in and your text might be misinterpreted, or worse yet, even be offensive.
2. Don’t send a sext or nude photo. Remember, your guy might be rushing to a meeting and his cell phone might be sitting on his desk. Other times your text might be sent to the wrong person in error if you’re sending multiple text messages. Remember, if you wouldn’t want his boss or co-workers seeing your text, it isn’t worth pressing the send button.
3. Keep it simple. This is where “less is more” works the best. Leave the novel at home as it screams heavy drama and keep your texts short, so the back and forth digital banter can begin.
4. Remember, you’re interrupting his busy workday and he might not be able to respond right away if he’s in a meeting. That doesn’t mean he hasn’t seen your text and is feeling quite distracted with thoughts of you. Don’t angst over the response time. If he’s into you, you’ll be hearing the chime of his text on your phone within a few hours.
5. Know that a man is visual and reactive. He’ll enjoy seeing a cute photo of the object of his affection and will want to brag about you to his friends, so start texting your smiling face to your guy today.
How are you using text messages to flirt?
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating advice, sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert.
While it’s normal to log on and read your emails and search for others until you’re exclusive, it’s often painful when your new love interest hasn’t taken his or her profile down.
Just because they haven’t unplugged their profile, doesn’t mean they’re looking for someone else to put in rotation on the dating docket.
Trina wrote to me saying she knew she had met ‘the one.’ Her new guy told her on the second date that he was crazy about her and started talking about the future. He wanted to see her all the time and everything was moving in a normal direction except, his profile was still active. This caused Trina great stress and as a result, she started logging on under a different user name over-and-over again to see when the last time he had signed in. For Trina, it became a downward spiral that she couldn’t stop.
I told Trina, before she started sabotaging her relationship by becoming a cyber-sleuth, she needed to know that there are many reasons why his profile is still active.
1. He might be too busy with work to take it down
2. He might be curious as to who has written to him, but isn’t responding
3. He might be too busy juggling his children
4. He might realize her profile is still up
The bottom line is, a man often doesn’t see taking his profile down as a priority if he’s courting a woman and behaving like a boyfriend. It falls into the category of digital housekeeping. Instead, this guy was keeping his family and work commitments in order, while trying to court Trina. She receives daily text messages and phone calls from her new guy. From where I stand, he was showing her by his actions, that he wanted her to be his girlfriend.
If this story sounds familiar, I urge you to stop peeking at his profile. Stop obsessing what he’s doing when he’s not with you. When a man is juggling, work, joint-custody of children, and his career, he’s got a full and justifiable plate.
The best thing you can do during this in-between period is to stop logging on. Keep yourself busy and be the confident beautiful woman you are. In time, both of you will know when it’s time to have the profile unplugging conversation, but do you really think he’d like to know you’ve been spying on him?
If you have a burning dating question, send them to CyberDatingExpert.com/contact
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace or wherever you may roam.
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more online dating advice follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
Being single on Valentine’s isn’t the end of the world. Sure you go into stores and see nothing but boxes of red candy and roses throughout the grocery stores, but a new survey from U.K. online dating site? Smooch.com shows that only 10% of the 2000 singles polled actually love Valentine’s Day. Are the other 90% pretending to go along with the program?
Do you find this a bit shocking? According to Smooch, Valentine’s is a time for singles to feel even more single.
Smooch.com Marketing Manager, Lucy Clarke, said of the findings;
“Valentine’s Day is a time to celebrate dating, whether you?re single or in a relationship. But with Valentine?s Day campaigns aimed at couples everywhere you turn at this time of year, it’s hardly surprising that the day makes singletons feel even more single.”
Their findings even included that 16% of singles actually lied about receiving a Valentine and 63% wish they did have a date on Valentine’s Day.
So let’s get to the subject of texting. It’s rare on any holiday to NOT hear from an ex. Whether it’s Thanksgiving, New Year’s, Christmas, or Valentine’s, some singles can’t help but reach for the phone to connect with an ex. It’s a non-threatening way of sending a little digital love.
How should you say “Happy Valentine’s Day” to an ex via text? Are you concerned that sending a text doesn’t mean you’re looking to rekindle a spark or end up in bed? Not necessarily. Often singles have fond memories of spending Valentine’s with someone from their past. Perhaps that romantic trip you took 5 years ago is still on his or her minds.
Although Smooch discourages singles from texting an ex, I disagree. Valentine’s can be a warm and fuzzy day or a day that can be filled with disappointments from the unrealistic expectations. I’m all for texting an ex, as long as it’s not to rekindle the spark within a few hours. Keep it friendly. Say, “Happy Valentine’s Day….Thinking of you and hope you’re doing great.”
The best times to send a text to an ex is in the morning. Keep it simple and friendly. Don’t ask your ex if he or she has a Valentine or is in a relationship. You broke up for a reason. If you do receive a text from an ex, don’t read more into it than just a simple friendly exchange. If you’re in a relationship, hold back from texting an ex. If your current sweetheart happens to see your text exchange on your phone on the most romantic day of the year, you might end up getting the cold shoulder or be sleeping alone that night.
Would you text an ex on Valentine’s Day? Your comments are welcome.
Julie Spira is an online dating expert and celebrity dating coach. She’s the founder of CyberDatingExpert.com and author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating. Julie creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the Free Weekly Flirt.
Ten years later, Facebook boasts over 1.2 billion users. One has to ask, is Facebook now the world’s largest digital dating site?
Just how many couples are flirting, connecting, hooking up, and even finding love on Facebook?
When I launched Facebook Love Stories on Valentine?s Day last year, I was intrigued to see the variety of ways that people found love on the world’s largest social network.
Here are six couples whose love stories will warm your digital heart.
“Working in different departments meant that our professional paths didn’t cross much, but we often rode the Fifth Avenue bus home together, as our apartments were in the same neighborhood,” said Bonnie. The two married others and lost touch, until Bonnie’s son created a Facebook page for her a few years ago.
Bonnie decided to look for old friends and thought about Josh. “I sent him a message asking if he remembered me and he responded within hours, so excited to hear from me,” said Bonnie. Within three days they were talking on the phone for hours at a time, and within weeks made a date for dinner. Josh showed up with carrot cake and a dozen bagels and Bonnie was hooked. The two were engaged the following New Year’s Eve, and were married August of 2012.
The couple’s wedding cake was a delicious Fifth Avenue bus. “In my wildest dreams I’d never have imagined that Facebook would change my life, but it did. It reconnected me with Josh, and I consider it a miracle,” said Bonnie.
Sophie and Trevor were both members of a ‘Star Wars’ Facebook group when they became friends in 2007. Sophie lived in Leeds, England and Trevor resided in Indiana where he was attending University. Neither were interested in developing a long-distance relationship. The two became fast friends as they shared their mutual love of fan fiction.
After three months, Sophie and Trevor decided to meet in person and selected Berlin as the city for their first date. Later that year, they realized they were falling in love.
Over the next several years, the two commuted between Indiana and England, as their relationship flourished.
Both Sophie and Trevor acknowledge that Facebook played a huge part in keeping them connected, during the time of their long-distance relationship.
In 2012, the two finally got married in New York City and are finally living on the same continent, in each others’ arms in the Big Apple.
For about four years, Meca and Anthony were digital friends on Facebook, but they never really had much contact with each other. The two shared a lot of mutual Facebook friends and even attended offline events at the same time twice, but they never actually met in person.
As a divorced woman, Meca started blogging about her dating experiences and posted her stories on Facebook. Anthony silently enjoyed reading about Meca’s latest dates and started sending her private messages on Facebook.
“I wanted to know why a girl like her was single,” said Anthony. Their romance developed on Facebook chat privately and finally one day they decided to exchange phone numbers.
Meca was very hesitant at first, especially as Anthony was an artist. As an accessory designer, Meca didn’t think she wanted to date an abstract painter. “I don?t date artists,” she proclaimed. Soon they discovered that they were indeed soul mates.
The two have decided to save the mushy stuff for the privacy of their inbox.
Patience had a secret crush on Sam in high school, but felt that he was out of her league. They never dated and barely acknowledged each other in the halls. During a formal high school dance, after her date had ditched her, Patience was shocked when Sam asked her to dance and pulled her into a random picture.
Fast forward twenty-six years later, where Sam was divorced and teaching college in Israel. Patience was busy with her publishing career in New York and had serial dated for two decades. When Sam noticed her familiar face in the “Suggested Friends” feature, he immediately sent Patience a ‘friends’ request.
For Patience, it was a no-brainer to be in contact with such a popular guy from high school. She started ‘liking’ his status updates. Sam picked up the phone and called her. After several months of Skype and Facebook chats, the two fell in love.
Sam asked Patience if he could visit and possibly marry and father her children. All of her girlfriends thought she was crazy, but she knew there was a connection there. In fact, they had a deal. He would come visit and would leave if they thought it was weird. Fortunately, that was not the case. The two are now happily married and are living in New York. Sam still has the photo from their first dance in high school.
Alexa was hoping to find someone on an online dating site, but was frustrated with the process. Her friends said she’d find someone when she least expected it. That someone was Devin who she met on Facebook.
Devin thought Alexa was cute when he noticed her photo in the ‘People You Should Know’ feature.
“One day I received a ‘friend’ request from someone I didn’t know named Devin,” said Alexa. “We had one mutual friend in common, so I thought I might have met him somewhere and just didn’t remember. He was the first person in my six years of being on Facebook that I added without knowing in real life,” she added.
The rest is history and the two have been inseparable since meeting on Facebook.
It all started twenty years ago when Taunia met Jake while in school. The two dated for 2.5 years and then went their separate ways to pursue their career aspirations. “We always knew we were each others’ true love,” said Taunia.
Twenty years and a lot of life lessons went by. Taunia had gastric bypass surgery in 2008. She got married, established her musical career, and developed an online following, particularly on Facebook.
Tania reconnected with one of Jake’s sisters on Facebook. When Jake’s sister noticed Tania’s relationship status as ‘Divorced,’ she told her brother. Jake immediately contacted Taunia to reconnect and their romance reignited. Jake proposed to Taunia in a romantic holiday trip in front of the Eifel Tower and the two were married in the summer of 2013.
Have you found love on Facebook?
Julie Spira is an online dating expert, dating coach, and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. She creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene and is Editor-in-Chief of FacebookLoveStories.com.
Dear Cyber Dating Expert,
I met this wonderful guy online and we connected on our first date. Yes, it was exciting to have chemistry and we kissed at the end of the date.
By the time I got home, my new guy had already sent me a text message saying how much he enjoyed our date and wanted to get together again. I went to sleep with a smile on my face.
Suddenly, he was sending me a text message saying “Good morning” every day, checked with me during the day, and even to say good night. Because of our busy work schedules, we had a difficult time putting a second date on the calendar. Actually, we tried several times and one of us, usually him, had to cancel due to business or for some other reason, but I did go to his house to watch a movie a few times. I kept suggesting a real date, like one where we’d go to dinner at a restaurant, but it didn’t happen.
Before the New Year, I realized it wasn’t going anywhere, but had remorse about it over the holidays. I am finding this is common, I mistook his daily texts as effort when he hadn’t made any real plans. He would want to see me day of and I would already have plans. Nonetheless, I wished him a Merry Christmas via text then he wished me Happy New Year so I thought we weren’t entirely over.
Last week, he messaged me again and we flirted and talked about doing dinner on Wednesday. I shared with him that we had amazing chemistry on our first date and I wanted us to get to know each other better over dinner. Sunday night he messages me to come over to his place and stay the night with him and that kind of showed me where I stood. I have been to his place 3 times already! He has never been to my place and why would I stay the night with him prior to reconnecting at dinner?!?!
He called me Wednesday and we postponed getting together to Friday night. He mentioned possibly moving for work, which raised my guard even further. Thursday we exchanged some texts and I haven’t heard from him since. Fortunately I can laugh at it all. I’m glad we never slept together. I don’t go from 0 to 360. A part of me is still a little hurt and disappointed that what I had hoped would happen didn’t. But it takes two to tango and two to make an effort and while passion are SUPER important to me, I need to be romanced a little before I go there.
How could I really believe we were in a relationship and that he was courting me? Did he texts mean nothing?
Disappointed in California
Texting is so easy to do and has become a part of most daters’ regime. However, I view texting as a flirty way of keeping in touch, while you’re courting, dating, or even in an exclusive relationship. Your guy sends you texts to keeping you on the hook, sucked in, with the hope that you’ll think a real relationship is in the cards. He knew your relationship goals, but he was clearly on a different page. Quite simply, he was looking for a relationship of convenience and was hiding behind his mobile phone.
How many women was he texting while making you feel like you were special? Probably many. Invitations to come to his home may have been sent to several women, with the first one to bite ending up in bed with him. I once knew a man who like clockwork on Friday sent a text message to 10 women he either had slept with, were ex-girlfriends, or women he wanted to pursue. He was a classic player. He invited them each out to drinks and whoever responded first was the one he ended up spending the night with. Be happy that you didn’t jump at the chance to be in a girl in rotation.
You did nothing wrong other than open your heart to the possibilities and fortunately not more.
So, keep true to yourself and know there is someone else out there. I would not have ANY contact with this guy. Be open to meeting someone else. I always quote Stevie Nicks from the song “Dreams.” “Players only love you when they’re playing.”
It Sounds like he wanted a relationship of convenience, a hookup, or whatever. When a man wants you to be his girlfriend, he?ll do whatever it takes to let you know and to make sure he claims you as his.
?It didn’t mean there wasn’t real chemistry. Let’s not confuse lust with the desire for love. It didn’t mean that he didn’t like and adore you. Men love the game and love the chase.? As a woman with a huge heart, it’s easy to get sucked in to the possibility of romance and finding someone special.
It’s a new year and time to find someone who’s on the same page. Enjoy the flirty texting, but until two people agree that they’re dating exclusively, they’re not in a relationship.
Dear Cyber-Dating Expert,
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for about two months. We met online and decided to become exclusive. I took your advice and we both took down our online dating profiles at the same time.
Everything seems to be going well so far, except for one thing. I’ve changed my status on Facebook to “In a Relationship” and he refuses to do so. He tells me he loves me and I know he’s not looking for someone else, but it makes me uncomfortable.
Why won’t he change his facebook status if he’s proud and excited about our relationship? Should I worry about us, or does it really matter?
In today’s busy connected world, becoming “Facebook official” means a lot to some people, but not to everyone. If your boyfriend is connected on Facebook with his boss, clients, or other work associates, it’s likely he doesn’t want to mix business with pleasure. There may not be reason to be alarmed.
More often than not, women change their relationship status on Facebook before men do, or if they even the do it at all. Considering he’s your boyfriend and not your fiance or spouse, changing his status shouldn’t really matter. If he has no status at all and isn’t listed as “Single” I wouldn’t be focusing on this one aspect of your relationship.
Everyone’s feelings about social media and digital dating vary. Women tend to post more lovey-lovey couple photos on Facebook than men do. It’s how women tick.
Enjoy the beginning of your new committed relationship and if it continues to bother you, change your status late at night from “In a Relationship” to no relationship. When the timing is right, perhaps you’ll have a digital celebration together.
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.