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The Truth About Online Dating Addiction

Online Dating Addiction

Online Dating AddictionHave you ever met someone online and been disappointed to find out they went home to check their inbox after your first passionate kiss?

Our friends at We Love Dates have contributed a guest blog on a serial dating condition which many are sadly suffering from called, “Online Dating Addiction.”

Most people sign up for an online dating site with clear intentions – they want to meet someone wonderful and get offline as fast as possible. Many go into it as a quick fix, and they wouldn’t fathom someone would choose to stay online rather than go live happily ever after in the real world; but it happens all too often.

With Internet dating, your choices and options are endless. Some men and women think they can do just a little bit better with the next click. If a woman is looking for a 6-foot tall man with a great career who likes sushi, chances are her search results may reveal fifteen or more men who might meet her criteria in their neighborhood. Why settle for one of the bunch when you can try them all out, so to speak?

Digital dating is a double-edged sword. Having a multitude of options and choices at your fingertips is one of the very best things about online dating and why so many are huge advocates of finding love on the Internet. However, it can become a slippery slope and form a condition called, online dating addiction. The trouble starts when someone becomes obsessed with checking their online dating in-box and craves virtual attention to the point of letting it control them. It?s one thing to be excited to log on; it’s quite another to put your job or relationships with friends and family in jeopardy because you obsessively log on every fifteen minutes.

Another common issue associated with online dating addiction is a user’s inability to commit to someone in the real world because they don’t want to lose the chance of finding someone better online. Addicted to the thrill of the hunt and driven by a personal challenge, they become terrified they are going to miss out on someone a few clicks away, and subsequently their real world relationship begins to suffer. So that 6 foot tall sushi lover, for example; well-what if there is another guy who is 6’2 who makes just a bit more money? The options are endless…sometimes, unfortunately.

All of these options can make it nearly impossible to focus on the person who is right in front of you because your mind is always playing a game of “Who else can I get?” There is a difference between defining what you want in a date or partner and being completely unrealistic that you’re going to find someone who is the absolutely most perfect person for you, especially when your definition of perfect keeps changing. As a result, some singles spend their lives looking for someone who probably doesn’t exist.

If you find yourself displaying any warning signs of online dating addiction, it might be time to take a break and cut the virtual cord temporarily.? In a world filled with so many options, sometimes it’s best to step back and reflect on what is truly important to you. Remember that people are more than just their shiny, perfectly composed profiles and that when it comes to true love, your options shouldn’t be endless.? Online dating should be the means to an end, not the main attraction.

Liz is the social media manager for We Love Dates, a worldwide online dating site. She’s battled online dating addiction and won. For more dating advice and tips, visit the popular We Love Dates blog.

Julie Spira is a leading online dating expert, bestselling author, and CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert. She creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating advice, sign up for the Weekly Flirt and like us at

Follow @JulieSpira

Photo credit: Stuart Miles –

Julie Spira is America's Top Online Dating Expert. She's an award-winning dating coach who's been helping singles find love online for 25+ years. Follow @JulieSpira on IG.

4 thoughts on “The Truth About Online Dating Addiction”

  1. I have made the comment many times to friends, and even some of the guys I meet: men seem to look at online dating sites as a “buffet” and want to try it all. Or they won’t give a good woman that they are obviously attracted to a chance, because what if there is someone better? It’s all very, very disheartening.

  2. Thanks for your comment Christy. Both women and men can become online dating addicts. Hopefully they’ll realize that the goal is to find someone they can develop an offline relationship with.

  3. It’s a condition that affects both men AND women, but I believe guys are probably the worst about it. I’m dating a woman now who years ago went out with a guy for 4+ months in (what she believed) was an exclusive monogamous relationship. She found out that he would, after their ‘dates’, would log back on to the dating website and start trolling. How did she know? Because she was also went back on the website. In further conversations I have discovered that, during the 4 month period, she was communicating with other guys from the dating site. HOWEVER, her rationale differetiating her conduct from her former boyfriend’s was that she was just ‘communicating’ with the guys and not trying to create an intimate relationship.

    I can’t agree and don’t buy it (but of course I don’t know the relationship dynamics at the time and I don’t want to commit relationship suicide by sharing this perspective) with her. The ‘other guys’ are interacting with her because they accessed and viewed her profile via a dating website. So, there is a strongly implied if almost explicit belief the reason they are communicating is becaues of a possible romantic connection. Even though it didn’t appear she escalated any of these communications in to possible relationships (although she did set up a couple of coffee meetups that didn’t happen), to me she was planting seeds ‘just in case’.

    She’s a great gal and I love her dearly. But, she’s never been married, is 54, and has dated all her life. I think it’s tough to change and, as noted in the article above, even when a person finds a very compatible and possible soul mate, they are often curious about what else might be out there. It just shows that the online dating addiction is more complicated than what it appears, and it affects both men and women.

  4. Thanks for your comment Richard and I agree, this does affect both men and women. One of the happiest days in an online dater’s life is the day that as a couple both people take down their profiles to give the relationship a chance. Sure there are endless possibilities of others to meet, but being with someone who isn’t interested in other options is something that also happens all of the time and is something to strive for.

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