Julie Spira speaks to Dr. Drew Midday – Do Millenials Really Date?

It was a fun and informative radio show interview on Dr. Drew Midday Live with Mike Catherwood on KABC Radio in Los Angeles.

Drew, Mike and I spoke about all the juicy details on the Mach.com’s 7th Annual Singles in America Survey. Our segment is 20:25 minutes in, to hear the playback.

LISTEN HERE TO DR. DREW MIDDAY LIVE ON KABC

Transcript

Dr. Drew:  We’re going to go out to Julie Spira now. She’s a national online dating expert. Match.com has their 7th Singes in America Survey. Julie Thanks for joining us.

Julie: Hi! Happy to be here guys.

Dr. Drew: So what does this survey teach us?

Julie: A lot more than any of the others. I have monitored all of the Singles in America studies, but this was one was a biggie the 7th. Anything from millennials’ attitudes towards sex, politics, feminism, you name it. So this was was really talking about things that. Online dating addiction.

Dr. Drew: Oh I saw that.

Julie: People are addicted to online dating.

Dr. Drew: 15% say they are addicted to the process of online dating. Are they also addicted to going on the dates and finding the dates and meeting different people?

READ MORE: Help! My Friends Say I’m Addicted to Online Dating

Julie: Well I think the good part is they actually do go on the dates and meeting people, but they’re overwhelmed by the process. In the results, some have a little burn out and they need to take a break.  But at the end of the day, it’s very very efficient. With over 50% of singles have created an online dating profile, so say so long to that old stigma.

Dr. Drew: There is another sort of bit of this data that caught so wind this morning and that is 1 3 singles said they had sex before their first date and they’re 48% more likely to have had sex before the first date than all the other generations. And that some people interpreting as the millennials feeling that sex was sort of an interview to determine if they want to date. And I said, that might be the data but it’s missing the point, which is that millennials don’t really date. If they’re going to quote dating, they’re going to have to have a relationship, so sex is the way of leading into the relationship.

Mike: Why am I as old as I am?

Julie: I look at it as digital foreplay. If they’re having sex before they’re meeting, they’re obviously sexting and  if that’s the qualifier to say now I’m willing to meet you in person because now I think we’re in a relationship, I find that a little of concern. I really do. The old fashioned courtship..

Dr. Drew: Courtship is gone. We have to call it something else because they recoil against that. I think we should call it an assessment process or something. They need to have the capacity to assess people but Julie hold on, I need to talk to my partner here. Why do we need to assess?

Mike: Why is it that courtship will be gone? By no means am I a super-refined guy, or the pinnacle of gentlemanly behavior. I took pride in opening the doors for women, taking them out on a date and bringing them flowers.

Dr. Drew: That’s different than courtship. I have to take a break, but Julie, I want to address this issue of courtship. By the way, the twitter handle for you?

Julie: @JulieSpira and CyberDatingExpert.com.

Dr. Drew: That’s j-u-l-ie-s-p-i-r-a, but Mike, the reason you’re as old as you are is because you were not partaking in all of this, for if you were partaking in all of this, you wouldn’t make it out alive.

Mike: ….All joking aside, I might have started to proceed into, grow into much more dangerous behavior.

Dr. Drew:  Oh, it would have been part of the addictive process.

Mike: I had numerous partners a day, commonly, without tinder. Before Tinder was even invented. Can you imagine if I could order a ho like pizza?

READ MORE: Match Singles in America Study Says Put Your Phone Away

Dr. Drew: Midday Live Dr. Drew With Mike Catheter. We’re talking on 790 KABC and we’ll be back with Julie Spira and the Match survey after this.

Dr. Drew: Let’s go back to Julie Spira. She’s a Match Online Dating Expert. Julie, what is your website again?

Julie: It’s CyberDatingExpert.com

Dr. Drew: Courtship. So why have we expunged courtship? I remember back when I was a youth. It was sort of not cool. The whole idea in the 50s we were specifically rebelling against. And then against now, we have just never recovered from that. And it’s just continuing to deteriorate and then here the three of us are going, “courtship is important.” Why are we not doing that?

Julie: I think people are doing that. We’re finding the boomers are still opening the doors, grabbing that bill first, and picking up the phone and actually calling somebody to go on a date instead of relying solely on their mobile phones.

Dr. Drew: Texting. Yeah. And the millennials are all over the place too. Not all of them are necessarily even dating. Not a lot of them are even having sex compared to previous generations. And when they are, they’re doing it sometimes in sort of aggressive, I don’t mean aggressive in sort of the act, but aggressive in the sense of tactics. So it’s hard to figure out. I’ve been going to college campuses for years and saying, “Please restore courtship. Whatever you want to call it. Restore something where there’s an assessment process, no?

Julie: I agree and the good news is it’s not all doomsday. It is good news. 81% of the singles surveyed said they were interested in finding a romantic partner, a romantic love. Love is alive and well. We’re just looking at millennials, who in my opinion aren’t sure whether they’re hanging out or on a date.

Mike: We definitely saw that in the end of love line where how many guys were confused on where they stood with the girls. Like wildly confused.

Dr. Drew: What do you mean?

Julie: They don’t know how to define dating. Did you ask her on a date? Did you pay for the bill?

READ MORE: Are We Dating Or Just Hanging Out?

Mike: We’ve never actually been in the same room together, but we’re in love. That was a lot of guys, or they would hang out with a girl and she maybe just had pure intentions of being friendly. They liked each others’ company and he thought they were boyfriend and girlfriend. That happened all the time. I got a very clear message when I was 20. But I also took aggressive tactics as well.

Dr. Drew: Oh really? Talk to us about that as well. What happened?

Mike: I don’t think we want to talk about that. Drew, I told you my tactics.

Dr. Drew: I know. (laughing). I just realized it. We can’t talk about it on the air. You know Mike, I think things are improving. To be fair, I guess you were a lone ranger with that stuff.

Mike: I was. I was a rogue warrior

Dr. Drew: Alright. Any other data we want to focus in on here Julie before we let you go?

Julie: Well I think it’s really important to talk a little about FOMO. The fear of missing out. Social media is really causing a lot of anxiety for singles and they’re afraid to post a photo unless they look absolutely gorgeous, because everything is about the photos. I find that really interesting because social media anxiety disorder is something I talk about a lot. So if you feel anxious about social media, take an unplugging day and go back to it the next day.

Dr. Drew: That’s interesting. Yes. Social Media Anxiety Disorder. One day it will be a diagnostic. Because you have anxiety when you don’t use it, you have anxiety when you do use it, you have anxiety for fear of missing out when you’re on it, yeah, it’s really good for mental health.

Julie: Who doesn’t count how many likes they have after posting a photo?

Dr. Drew: Alright Julie. Thank you so much again. @JulieSpira is the Twitter handle, correct? Twitter and Instagram @JulieSpira and of course the website CyberDatingExpert.com, where’s there’s a whole ton of free dating advice, so take a peek.

Mike: Let me just say,  I found this conversation very In-SPIRA-ing.

Julie: Oh I love that, thank you.

LISTEN TO THE FULL SEGMENT HERE

READ ABOUT THE MATCH SINGLES IN AMERICA SURVEY HERE