Dear Julie,
I just read your article on online. It’s called 12 Reasons why he won’t call you his girlfriend.
I have been dating a guy for almost 8 months and he doesn’t want to call me his girlfriend. He got out of divorce 2 years ago and it was really bad for him emotionally and financially and he doesn’t want to be pressured.
I told him I just want to be labeled as his girlfriend, not asking for a marriage. He dated a lot of girls and he didn’t go through this emotional issue until he met me. I went thru divorce 15 years ago and finally ready for a real relationship.
What should I do? He tells me I’m important to him and he does treats me well.. I’m about to end the relationship.
Elle
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Dear Elle
I haven’t met you or your boyfriend, so I can’t say for sure what he’s thinking as it relates to your relationship. It’s clear you are at two different points in the relationship cycle. His divorce is still fresh. For men, adding a label does mean he’s all ten toes in and could be committed for life. If he acts like your boyfriend, isn’t seeing anyone else, is loyal and devoted to you, and makes you a priority, you can let it slide. The period from 6-12 months is when a man will decide on his own what label he wants to use to define your relationship. If he says you’re important to him, then believe him. If you think you’re just a transition person, let him know that you don’t think the two of you want the same type of relationship and although he’s important to you, you need to move on.
Let him know IF he changes his mind AND you’re still available, you’d be open to a more serious relationship. Keep me posted and good luck.
Dear Julie,
Well, I broke up with him….because I didn’t understand why he was all afraid of his ex finding out his current relationship. He said he just doesn’t want her to know his life, blah blah blah. I didn’t like his response and I broke up with him via text! I know I’m terrible but he has broken up via text with me before so I don’t feel too bad. I still like him but I wanted to respect my wishes. He has yet to text back. It’s been 6 days..
He also said we are more like a “friend with benefits” because he just doesn’t want a GF because he’s afraid so…. There you go.
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Dear Elle,
You did the right thing. Any man who hates labels then suddenly labels you as a FWB and says he doesn’t want a girlfriend doesn’t deserve someone special like you.
Know that there are great men out there who want exactly what you want. Congratulations on being strong and ignore any text that comes your way.
Guys like to know they can get you back, even if they can’t provide what you’re looking for, which is what was pretty much said to you. I’m sorry you went through this, but better eight months than wasting eight years.
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam.
Do you have a question for online dating expert Julie Spira? Send your questions to CyberDatingExpert.com/Contact
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and an award-winning dating coach. As an early adopter of online dating, she’s been coaching singles on finding love online for over 20 years.
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Julie Spira is America's Top Online Dating Expert. She's an award-winning dating coach who's been helping singles find love online for 25+ years. Follow @JulieSpira on IG.
