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eHarmony Survey Says Over Half of Couples are Very Happy

eHarmony Happiness

Just how happy are couples in 2018?

A new poll commissioned by eHarmony and led by Harris Interactive shows good news for millennial couples.

“The Happiness Index: Love and Relationships in America” of 1000 couples reveals that 64 percent of Americans are “very happy” in their romantic relationships, with a partner or spouse with almost half being happy with their sex lives as well.

For an online dating site that has the sole goal of creating couples for long term relationships or marriage, the news is good that love and intimacy are thriving.

I spoke with Jeannie Assimos, Vice President, Content for eHarmony, who said the quality of people is very high on their site. “The intention is for our members to be there and spend time and thought into it,” said Assimos. ” Our singles are invested in finding a relationship.”

With Over 70% logins on their mobile app, you no longer have to answer 250 questions as a member, however Assimos says the matches will be better if you answer more questions. 

RELATED: 7 Quotes for Happiness Day

How did eHarmony describe perfectly happy?

Relationship status

“Tend to be on their first marriage, and they married young (‘for love’) while being very well
acquainted with their spouse/partner prior to marriage … seemingly they spent time getting to know each other first. They are likely to be exactly the same age and share many interests.”

● More likely than average to be married
● Their relationship length is significantly shorter than average
● Married at a younger than average age but knew their spouse for longer than average
before they got married
● Much more likely than average to be their first marriage
● Standard reasons for marrying (most likely ‘for love’)
● More likely than average to be in love with their spouse/partner and satisfied with their
relationship

Things they do together as a couple

“They participate in lots of activities with their spouse/partner, and have a shared interest in sports and keeping fit. Despite having kids, they make time for their relationship with regular date nights and they are not shy about displaying their happiness, being more likely to hold hands than other couples.”

RELATED: 5 Ways to Create a Great Date Night

● Team sports
● Gym/exercise classes
● Camping
● Game nights
● Particularly likely to have regular date nights and hold hands when they are out together

So keep those date nights scheduled on your calendar, even if you’re taking turns cooking a romantic meal for each other.

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Would You Break Up Before Valentine’s Day?

valentine's BreakupValentine’s Day might be my favorite holiday, but not everyone feels the same.

One of you might still be paying off credit card bills from the December holiday season, while the other is expecting a ring, there might be an explosion on the 12th or 13th.

Many couples in relationships feel the huge pressure of stepping up to a deeper commitment when they’re not on the same page with their partner, especially on Valentine’s Day.

If you feel this way, you’re not alone. It’s also proposal season, where 6 million people are expected to get engaged on February 14th. 

If ring shopping isn’t on your mind, or in your budget, it might be time to have “the talk.”

If you’re single, just seeing candy hearts, chocolates, and flowers in the grocery store is enough to put your heads under the covers.

RELATED: The Post-Valentine’s Breakup

On KABC 7, Eyewitness News, I spoke with Coleen Sullivan and Ellen Leyva on everything Valentine’s.

When asked why so many people break up before Valentine’s Day, I weighed in with my thoughts about the day so many either love, or hate.

We’ve got you covered in the Valentine’s Survival Guide, regardless of your relationship status.

View Full Interview

RELATED: 7 Ways to Find a Date by Valentine’s Day

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert and has been coaching singles on finding love online for over 24 years.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.

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What to Get Your Date for Valentine’s Day – Gift Guide Ideas

Valentine's Dating IdeasSelecting a gift for Valentine’s Day can be tricky. It’s not unusual to get a gift you don’t like.

A survey commissioned by Finder.com of 2,001 American adults, and conducted by Pureprofile in February 2018, showed an estimated $30.3 billion will be spent this Valentine’s Day!

If you go overboard on a new relationship with fancy jewelry, it can scare someone away.

If you don’t bring flowers or acknowledge your significant other on the most romantic day of the year, you might end up in the dog house.

How to you handle gift giving?

On KABC -7, I discussed a few gift ideas will help guide you into his or her arms.

With half of Americans celebrating Valentines’ Day this year, sometimes you could use a little help.

Here are 5 Gift Ideas that Won’t Break the Bank

Key Me Valentine's gift1. A Key to Your Heart and Home

A new mobile app, KeyMe, makes it easy to take your relationship to the next level.

How it works: Open their app and take a photo of your key.

Scan it and send it up to the Cloud. You can then email your information to your significant other.

He or she then can find a KeyMe Kiosk at many different retail locations including Bed, Bath and Beyond, 7-Eleven, and many grocery stores, etc. Their new key will be printed there in 30 seconds.  Cost: $2.99.

Amazon Echo2. Amazon Echo

For those of you who have Alexa-envy, Amazon has reduced the price on several of their Echo devices.

This second-generation fabric echo can bring the inner-DJ out, while you request your favorite songs, or get the latest news and sports scores. If you want to see his or her smiling face, select the Echo Show to watch video clips, see lyrics, and say sweet dreams.

Echo (2nd Generation) with improved sound, powered by Dolby, and a new design – Charcoal Fabric

Available in many stores, you can also order this on Amazon Prime and get two-day delivery. Cost: $84.99 – $179.99

Cyber Love Song of the Week3. Music Playlist

Nothing is more romantic than curating your own set list for your sweetheart. It’s deeply personal and will show your love through music.

If you attended a concert together as a couple, or there’s a song that’s just for the two of you, include it in your musical gift.

 

Tulips

 

4. Flowers

If you only buy one gift this year for a woman, make sure it’s flowers.

It’s the simplest and most romantic gift you can select.

While $2 billion will be spent on flowers this year, with 250 million roses produced for Valentine’s Day, bringing a dozen red tulips for a new relationship, or one long-stemmed rose, will warm her heart.

Cost: $2 – $200

 

5. Gift Cards

Gift Cards

As a last resort, if you’re not sure what to get, and you’ve run out of time, GiftCards.com can come to your rescue.

Last Valentine’s Day, I received a gift cards to Sephora and to the local movie theatre, and enjoyed them both immensely.

You can order them online, and they’re perfect for those in a long-distance relationship, or go ahead and splurge on one for yourself.

Wishing you much love and joy on Valentine’s Day.

Is it Too Late to Ask? Valentine’s Day Cut-off Rule

Valentine's Day - CyberDatingExpert.com

Valentine’s Day is five days from now, and the Super Bowl memories have already faded away.

Have you asked your date to be your Valentine yet?

If not, are you aware that there is a “cut-off” rule for when to decide who you will be spending February 14th with?

If you have watched Curb Your Enthusiasm, you might recall that Larry David discussed the cut-off rule in an episode. They determined 9:30-10:00pm for the cut-off time to phone a friend. It became a heated discussion.

The same ‘cut-off’ theory applies to Valentine’s Day.

In my online dating book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online, one of my rules of netiquette was the cut-off rule.

This rule applied to the most common misrepresentation in an online dating profile – the accuracy of your age.  Although I believe in authenticity, I had decided that 5 years was the maximum amount of years that you could take off your age in your profile, if you felt you needed to fit into a search.

I added that you need to be honest in the body of your email, on the phone, or certainly the latest by the first-date. I don’t promote lying on your profile, I just know that many singles do.

RELATED: Watch Valentine’s Survival Guide

Getting back to Valentine’s Day. When is it too late to ask the woman you are dating out for Wednesday night?

Here’s my relationship advice. I took a poll during the Super Bowl posing this question.

Most men felt they could wait until the last day, if there was chemistry with someone they had just met. I disagree. I believe one week is the maximum, and that once the Super Bowl was over, it was time to put the date in ink on the calendar and reserve whatever remaining restaurants were available at such a late date.

Think about it.

Most restaurants book up a month in advance of Valentine’s Day, so there will be slim pickings. You can always opt for in-room dining and bring food home, and set the table with fine china and candles.

If you are waiting until the last minute, don’t be surprised to find your date has made other plans. A smart, confident woman doesn’t wait around for the phone to ring. She’d rather be alone than be an afterthought.

RELATED: What do I do if he Doesn’t Ask Me Out for Valentine’s Day

If you have made Valentine’s plans and have a change of heart, don’t go down in history as the guy or girl who cancels on her Valentine’s date the week of because someone better came along. It will come back to haunt you. If you are gearing up for this romantic day, logging into your online dating profile on a regular basis during the days leading to Valentine’s may put you in the dog house, instead of the bedroom.

With or without a date, my advice is to try and enjoy Valentine’s Day and be open to the possibilities of love, or hanging out with friends. Open your mobile dating app and start swiping and chatting. Your next Valentine just might be a click away.

RELATED: 7 Ways to Find a Date by Valentine’s Day

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram

Julie Spira – ABC News – Valentine’s Survival Guide

 

With Valentine’s Day just a week away, I sat down with ABC-7’s Coleen Sullivan and Ellen Leyva with a Valentine’s Survival Guide to get you to and through the most romantic day of the year.

Can you find love online in time for Valentine’s Day?

I say yes! With the convenience of your mobile phone, we’ll have you chatting and dating in a digital split second.

Here are 10 Tips to Help You Survive Valentine’s Day With a Hug and a Smile

  • Sign up for a Mobile Dating AppUse your Facebook photos to create a new profile and say “love is in the air.” Have a friend or a dating coach like myself help you with your profile.

 

  • Become a serial dater – This is the time I give you permission to date up a storm. Schedule one date a day until Valentine’s Day. Double-down and schedule two dates a day, where one will surely rise to the top and be worthy of a second date.

 

  • Use Premium Features – Match shows you peak times, where their Top Spot feature will show your profile to get the most visibility for just a few hours. OkCupid’s Boost feature will do the same for 15 minutes.

 

  • Give your date a card – A hand signed card or a love note will warm his or her heart for all dating stages.

 

  • Don’t forget Flowers Two billion dollars will be spent on Valentine’s Day flowers this year. Bring one long-stemmed rose or a dozen tulips to have the same effect, while not breaking the bank.

 

  • Say ‘I Love You’ – If you’re relationship is moving forward, there’s no better time to profess your love than on Valentine’s Day.

 

  • Choose In-Room Dining or Cook a Meal Together – If you’ve waited too long to make a reservation at his or her favorite place, pick up some prepared meals at the grocery store, or ingredients for a spicy romantic dinner. Remember to bring candles.

 

  • The gift of time – Valentine’s Day is about spending quality time together, and there’s not better gift than just being together.

 

  • Valentine’s Breakups – It’s not a great idea, but if your relationship has been sliding downhill since the past holiday season, have a talk with your significant other, sooner rather than later. Valentine’s Day can be filled with pressure, so be kind about it and if you’re going to call it quits, do so in person, and not on the phone, email, or in a text message.

 

  • Singles Awareness Day is on February 15th – If you’re not in the mood to find a Valentine and hate the holiday, there’s no need to fret. The day after will be a holiday to celebrate your single status.

Don’t let the pressure get to you about Valentine’s Day. Some people are still paying off their credit cards from December gift giving. A study shows that 54% plan to spend less than $100 and only 10% of singles spend over $250 on Valentine’s Day.

A survey from OneHourTranslation.com of over 4000 people around the world, showed that 31% plan to purchase their gifts online this year, so there’s still time to send something romantic to your Valentine or digital crush.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert and is an award-winning dating coach who’s been helping singles on finding love online for over 24 years. 

SIGN UP for the FREE Weekly Flirt for dating advice delivered to your inbox.

 

 

Do Singles Click “Add Friend” on Facebook Before a Date?

I regret to inform you I will not be liking your status.

To friend, or not to friend on Facebook and social media? That question has been brewing for over a decade for singles who are excited about dating someone new.

The 2018 Singles in America Study conducted by Match has revealed some social media etiquette rules on how over 5000 singles prefer to connect when it comes to dating in the digital age.

With so much information available on the Internet, it’s a piece of digital pie to become a cyber-sleuth. From stalking (we mean searching) on public profiles on Instagram or Twitter, to conducting a google image search, there’s so much we can find out in advance.

In their survey, they found nearly 2/3 of singles use social media daily, with both men and women using social media to research their date.

RELATED: To Friend, or Not to Friend on Facebook

Social Media Before the First Date

Match tackled the question in their study with a pop quiz, asking “When do you hit the ‘Add Friend’ button?

While the majority (41%) prefer taking it slow, both online and offline, and say they’d wait until after a few dates, still 19% of singles actually take the leap and ask to become friends before a first date.

Let’s keep in mind there’s so much digital foreplay going on with texting, calling, and chatting online, that by the time many get to a first date, they feel like they’ve been dating for a while.

Prior to the first date, 20% of singles said they would ‘like’ a photo and 23% would strike up a private chat in Facebook messenger or on Instagram.

RELATED: Rules of Netiquette – Dating in a Facebook World

Post-Date Social Media Rules

Similar to those who are quick to click to become friends, 18% say they will only send a friend request once the relationship became serious.

After all, if you’re dating multiple people and playing the field, you really won’t want your date to see your whereabouts when you’re not together.

The survey showed that singles are most comfortable becoming friends on Facebook (75%) after a few good dates, as well as 36% approve of following on Instagram, lagging with 34% adding on SnapChat, and 40% would tag someone in a post.

To Tag, or Not to Tag?

When in doubt about posting and tagging, always ask for permission. Remember some people use social media for business purposes, and others don’t want a relationship that could become complicated appearing in the news feeds of their friends.

Once it gets serious, 66% actually changed their profile photo to a couples picture and say it’s find to become Facebook official. However only 13% of singles surveyed do change their status to “In a Relationship.”

At what point in the dating process would you become friends on social media?

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert and has been coaching singles on finding love online for over 20 years.

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Does Love ‘Trump’ Politics? Match Survey Says Yes

Love Trumps Politics

Source: Match

Last year, I believe Donald Trump hijacked Valentine’s Day.

This year, I’m relieved love is back atop the dating totem pole.

In 2017, with the Inauguration Day and Valentine’s Day less than a month apart, the results of the Electoral College vote permeated the bedroom, as well as surfaced in heated rants on social media, dividing friendships and romantic partners.

As a dating coach and love expert, the news media mostly wanted to talk to me about politics over love.

To say love got kicked to the curb by Donald Trump last year is an understatement, but our country was hurting, and relationships suffered.

I spend my days coaching singles and hearing about their attitudes on politics and dating. 

I’m happy to report I’ve noticed a shift since the new year where singles have been less interested in mentioning politics on their profiles in 2018.

In a previous Match Singles in America Survey from 2016, the dating site found 91% of singles had a better chance of getting to a second date if they mentioned politics on the first date.

With mobile dating profiles filled with text including, ‘Swipe left if you believe in all things Trump,’ to ‘Swipe Right if you think Trump is making America Great Again,’ the sentiments were strong with politics becoming one of the top deal-breakers for singles.

I spoke with Angela Hart, political writer for the Sacramento Bee on the effects of politics and love. Her piece, How Donald Trump is Killing Romance drew harsh criticism from Sean Hannity, who was apparently stunned that singles didn’t want to date a Trump supporter during one of his radio shows.

I even posted my heartfelt and emotional essays, Can True Love Endure Donald Trump and Love and Loss in the Age of Trump, where I painfully expressed how even the best relationships were getting tested due to conflicting political attitudes and views, including mine.

Now, I’m pleased to share the Match Singles in America Survey, of dating habits from 2017, just released for the 2018 Valentine’s season.

The survey shows things have lightened up for daters in the divisive political arena we’ve been living in.

In a section of the survey titled, “The Trump Effect” the Match results showed that singles put love first, ahead of our combative political climate.

Single Daters Will Now Date Across Party Lines

Match’s report showed that an overwhelming majority of singles (72%) would be willing to cross party lines with their date, with only 10% believing dating a Republican is a deal breaker and 5% saying they wouldn’t date a Democrat.

The survey, released just two days after Trump’s State of the Union address, shows singles are willing to be open to a different political point of view, with 45% saying they would try to understand the other’s perspective.

While politics was such a hot dating topic during the election year, 26% of singles in the survey said they’d change the subject if it came up on a date.

Does this mean the topic of politics is off the table for singles? Not at all. In the survey, 54% of singles think it’s important to find out their date’s political views, but the days of walking out on a date are gone, with only 5% admitting they would leave immediately.

It’s refreshing news for those seeking love and romance, and I couldn’t be happier.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s been coaching singles on finding love online for over 24 years with her Irresistible Profiles programs.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter

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Mobile Love: 2018 Report – Singles Are Swiping More on Dating Apps

Liftoff Mobile Dating

Photo credit: Liftoff

As Valentine’s Day is upon us, the annual dating apps report from Liftoff, shows mobile dating app usage increased by 50% at the start of ‘Cuffing Season.

When weather gets colder and the desire to couple-up increases, your mobile phone can become both your BFF and your personal wingman or wingwoman.

With over 1500 dating apps to choose from, it becomes easier to find a date in a digital split second.

In a press release, Liftoff stated:

“New data from Liftoff shows that to get that cold-weather love, people are eschewing the “traditional” method of dating and turning to dating apps as their primary means of finding an S.O.”

According to the report, in January 2017, Tinder alone revealed it observes users spending around 90 minutes a day in-app, logging in at least 11 times.

Singles Join Dating Apps During Breakups and in Colder Weather

The data comes from more than two dozen of the top dating apps, and confirms the trends that singles will be flocking to dating apps during the times they are finding themselves single.

The famous Facebook breakup chart that we often talk about shows the peak times couples split, right before Christmas, and then again heading into Spring Break.

In their report, I was cited on the seasonal trends of breakups and increased mobile dating app usage.

Julie Spira, an award-winning dating coach and internationally recognized cyberdating expert, sums it up best. “Couples who look deliriously happy on Facebook are breaking up around Thanksgiving,” she writes on her blog advising readers to “let their mobile phone be their BFF” in the search for the right partner for the year ahead. 

Break up chart

Dating Apps are Going Global

Dating apps aren’t just a local-based. Thinking out of the box, most of the major apps are expanding internationally, now in 50+ countries, as reported by the BBC.  If your plans include travel and a Passport, make sure to open your apps while out of the country, to meet interesting people abroad.

Russia and Brazil top the list of the most downloads, with the US coming in at 25%.

Mobile Dating Apps

The report concludes:

“Today mobile and matchmaking are one in the same. Swiping in public is as popular as sending a text. It’s why the market is witnessing an avalanche of mobile dating apps, gaining traction (and market share) by appealing to Long Tail tastes for apps that help people nd dates, mates and even BFFs.”

To access this full report, visit Liftoff.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating and Mobile Dating Expert. She was an early adopter of Internet dating, is the creator of Mobile Dating BootCamp, and as an award-winning dating coach, has been helping singles find love online for almost 25 years.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.

SIGN UP for the FREE Weekly Flirt for dating advice delivered to your inbox.

 

It’s Showtime – Why the Super Bowl is Like Valentine’s Day

Valentine's Day versus the Super Bowl

It’s officially Super Bowl week and Valentine’s Day is two weeks from today.

I’ve gone on record saying the Super Bowl for men is like Valentine’s Day for women.

Super Bowl Sunday is a sacred day for most American men. It’s showtime as most guys count down the days, hours, and even minutes to their favorite television day of the year.

As we count down the days to the 52nd Super Bowl (LII) at US Bank Stadium in Minneapolis, whether you’re rooting for the AFC championship team, the New England Patriots or the NFC championships team, the Philadelphia Eagles, one thing is for sure, it’s going to be an emotional and exciting two weeks for both men and women alike.

It’s that big of a deal for both sexes and here are the reasons why.

Women often wonder if men hate Valentine’s Day and a report by WalletHub says 53% of women say they’d break up with their significant other if they got nothing for Valentine’s Day. The same report shows that 9 million marriage proposals will take place on February 14th.

 Valentine’s Day is the third-largest consumer holiday of the year, with over $18 billion dollars spent in the name of love!

Back to sports, men often wonder if the women are authentically cheering for their favorite team, or if they really like football at all.

Most men don’t want to be distracted by women while watching the game, unless they’re viewing the cheerleaders on TV. Guys wait all year for this day and romance is put on hold until one team gets the ring, one that doesn’t include a diamond center stone with the promise to have and to hold forever.

We know between football pools and the high cost of advertising, this Sunday will be an expensive day for many.

This year, the Super Bowl Sunday and Valentine’s Day are ten days apart.

With Valentine’s Day being held in the middle of the week on a Wednesday, some decide to celebrate the holiday over the weekend before, on February 10th-12th, or on the long President’s weekend of February 16th- 19th, to avoid the huge expense on that one night of the year.

The pressure on Valentine’s Day is enormous. The pressure for your favorite team to win the title of Super Bowl Champion is at an all-time high.

Valentine’s Day IS the Super Bowl of Dating

These next two weeks are truly a double-header, so enjoy the ride. Most guys won’t even make a dinner reservation or ask a girl out until after Super Bowl Sunday. I encourage you not to wait until the last minute to ask your date to be your Valentine, or you might find out that she’s made other plans.

RELATED: Valentine’s Countdown: How to Land a Date

Whether you’re a sports fan or a hopeless romantic, comparing the two will help you understand how important these days are for the opposite sex.

Why do I think the Super Bowl for men is like Valentine’s Day for women?

Quite simply, both men and women put all of their emotional energies into these two bigger-than-life events. Often, a woman doesn’t understand why watching two teams trying to score is so important to her guy. He just can’t miss this game. It’s the end of the season and the two best teams go for the ring.

Guys on the other hand, simply don’t understand that if you’re dating a woman and forget to plan something, just anything, for Valentine’s Day, you probably won’t get a date with her on February 15th, which ironically is “Singles Awareness Day” or any day after.

Guys, if you’re playing the field swiping right and left on mobile dating apps, or flirting on Tinder and Instagram, if you don’t ask our your digital crush, you lose.

Game over.

Men wait all year for the Super Bowl, this big day in television. Women wait for Valentine’s Day, with the hope that their special guy will either propose, offer to take his online dating profile down, or say “I love you” for the first time.

Women even secretly hope that the guy they are dating might want to change his Facebook status from ‘Single’ to ‘In a Relationship.’ It’s on the digital wish list for women, period.

Are you Prepared for Super Bowl and Valentine’s Day?

Men are very prepared for the Super Bowl. They decide which venue to view the game at and with whom they would like to spend watching the teams battle it out.

Women like to be prepared for Valentine’s Day. They start giving little hints out a month in advance about their favorite romantic restaurant, post photos of jewelry or trinkets on instagram and facebook, all with the hope the the guy they’re dating will take the cue and book a reservation before their favorite eatery is fully booked.

However in contrast, when a man’s favorite team loses the Super Bowl, he will be disappointed, but will get over it. He’ll know there’s another chance next year and will spend the entire football season rooting for his team. If a woman’s favorite beau, or someone she is dating ,doesn’t ask her out for Valentine’s Day, she won’t get over it. Expect a breakup or a big confrontation.

RELATED: 10 Valentine’s Date Ideas that Won’t Break the Bank

She’ll assume he’s romancing another woman and will know she’s not on the top of his list. Chances are, his shelf life as her “number one guy” will immediately expire. Unless he’s out of town on business or in a long-distance relationship, he won’t get another chance to romance her. No woman wants to be at the bottom of the dating totem pole, especially on Valentine’s Day. Expect to be unfriended, or don’t be surprised if she doesn’t return your phone calls or texts.

So whether you like football or not, love or hate Valentine’s Day, remember to talk to the person you are dating about what these days mean to both of you. If you’re single, use this opportunity to accept all invitations for both the Super Bowl and Valentine’s singles mixers. Even if your team loses and you’re dateless on the 14th, you’ll be casting a wider net and expanding your social circle.

Go ahead and accept that Super Bowl party invitation. If you’re single, you just might find a date in time for Valentine’s as well. It’s a win-win for everyone. If you need help with your profile or online dating advice, we’re here to help.

Related: Social Media Rules for Valentine’s Day

Which team will you be rooting for this Super Bowl and do you love, or hate Valentine’s Day?

Julie Spira is America’s Top online dating expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert and has been coaching singles for almost 25 years in finding love online. For more dating advice follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram.

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Can Love Withstand Donald Trump? A Dating Expert’s Story

Can Love Withstand Trump

I have a confession.


I’ve been hiding a secret and can no longer remain silent.

As a dating coach in the business of love, I saw first-hand the strain on people’s relationships — including mine — when Donald Trump ran for and eventually became president.

During the campaign, my long-term boyfriend and I were on opposite ends of the political spectrum. He was on the right, and I was on the left. Initially, this didn’t alarm me, but over time, the division began to tear us apart, putting our relationship to the test.

I now fear, in this current political climate, that President Trump has destroyed romance as it once existed.

Once upon a time — two decades ago — we lived the fairy tale.

We fell in love at first sight, and after several joyful years together, we went separate ways. I wanted marriage, and he wasn’t ready.

Eventually, we wed others and lost touch.

Then in 2015, both divorced, we found our way back through Facebook Chat, proving a love so strong could never die.

We began sending each other digital versions of photographs neither of us had tossed away. His albums had been stored in an attic, while mine collected dust in a garage.

“We should meet up for a long drink and catch up,” his message said one morning.

I thought about it and both hesitantly and nervously, I agreed.

The moment our familiar eyes locked, we instantly realized the spark was still there.

I was the woman he wasn’t allowed to speak of during his marriage, he explained. He was the one I often regretted letting go.

When his curated mix of love songs arrived in the mail, two hearts resealed, and we resumed our romantic journey toward a second chance at love.

“We have the greatest story,” he proudly announced to my girlfriends when we reunited. I felt the same.

Blissfully, we started merging our lives with music as our backdrop.

He accompanied me to the Walt Disney Concert Hall to watch Gustavo Dudamel conduct the Los Angeles Philharmonic. Looking handsome, he wore an Italian sports jacket, and his sparkling hazel eyes matched mine identically.

I went to the Stagecoach Country Music Festival with him, wearing my Stetson cowboy hat as we walked through miles of dust and hay.

We posted photos online of us looking deliriously happy.

After a decade and a half apart, we were, admittedly, different people with dissimilar lifestyles.

I was more of an urban girl who lived in Los Angeles and frequented the liberal desert city of Palm Springs. He lived in a post-divorce rental home one hour north of me in Ventura County and thrived in the ultra-conservative mountains of Northern Idaho.

“It’s just geography,” I thought, and as a couple, we seemed to co-exist in each other’s favorite places with ease.

“I’m sorry I never proposed to you back then,” he said one evening.

My heart instantly started to race. Was my boyfriend about to get down on one knee with a ring?

After a moment of silence, I secretly hoped we still had time.

Although he had a history of commitment issues, our renewed love was growing stronger every day. That was until the heated election season rolled in when our perfect relationship started to fray.

“I can’t take another four years of the Clintons,” he murmured while pouring himself a martini.

“Don’t tell me you’d vote for Trump,” I yelled, then lost my appetite.

Once a registered Democrat, during our time apart, my boyfriend shifted his support to the Republican Party. He also hated the fact that Hillary Clinton was running for president.

Throughout the campaign, people were taking sides, and the effects began to permeate the bedroom. Couples were splitting up in “you’re fired” style — basically, instantly and without warning.

The great political divide was crushing relationships, including ours.

In a time of angry accusations of “fake news,” I started feeling like I was living in an all-too-real, fake relationship.

I was in deep conflict, believing we were the poster couple for eternal love. I didn’t want our story to end, so I buttoned my lips when he brought up his anti-liberal rants, and rolled my eyes when he praised “The Donald.”

RELATED: Love Vs. Trump – Is Politics Polarizing Relationships?

“Turn off the TV,” he insisted, as I watched the Democratic debates during our trip to the Florida Keys.

Real Time with Bill Maher was off-limits.

“Really? I asked. “I can’t watch one of my favorite talk shows?”

Instead, we settled on watching romantic comedies on demand, curled up together, as a form of truce.

When political coverage became a 24-hour reality show, I noticed his attitude and values contrasted sharply from mine. I believe in gun control and Obamacare, and he’s proud of his gun closet and supports the “big, beautiful wall.”

I thought we could just agree to disagree as my parents did, but it was clear our bipartisan relationship was in jeopardy.

For a woman with a big and public voice, I remained unusually quiet, with the hope that he’d calm down after the voting frenzy was over. Slowly, I started to pull away from him, and I felt him doing the same.

One month before Election Day, we officially became a long-distance couple. He moved to Las Vegas, and I stayed in Los Angeles. With 300 miles between us, and Trump looking over my shoulder, it was challenging to stay connected.

I visited him to see the Rolling Stones in concert. He came my way for Stevie Nicks.

Then Donald Trump surprised us both by winning the election.

Shortly after, with tensions still high, he escorted me to a Hollywood party where both of us arrived dressed in purple to represent unity during a combative time.

On Inauguration Day, my boyfriend couldn’t take his eyes off the television, and I couldn’t bear to watch. He was as excited with Trump’s swearing-in as he’d be if he scored an eagle on his favorite golf course.

Then I asked myself, “Could we survive Trump?”

Here I was, with a man who believed our country’s new leader was making America great again. Meanwhile, I checked Trump’s daily tweets, now the primary source of hard news, as my blood pressure rose.

It was clear my guy didn’t want a left-leaning girlfriend, and I couldn’t express my feelings freely.

Still, on Valentine’s Day, a few weeks later, my beloved curated the perfect 48-hour love fest, and the cloud of politics never made it to the bedroom.

He drove over four hours bringing me one dozen long-stemmed roses in a ruby-red vase, embellished with a crystal heart bracelet. We later dined at an ocean-view table at Shutters on the Beach hotel in Santa Monica, where two years earlier we had reunited.

Together, we posted photos of us on social media and still felt in love as we toasted, “to us.”

It was our last night together as a couple.

Three days later, we called it quits.

Since he’d moved out of state, I tried to convince myself distance caused the split, but it was differing politics and the associated party values that slowly killed us.

RELATED: Post-Inauguration Breakups: Differing Politics Are Destroying Love

Our president became his new hero, and he mirrored the commander-in-chief’s beliefs and behavior. He wanted a polyamorous relationship, and I wanted a devoted partner. It crushed us, but much to my surprise, I wasn’t devastated.

During the time that our country became so polarized, we had changed. My emotions went from sad to mad, but eventually, I started to feel empowered, and my voice re-emerged.

After our romance ended, I decided it was time to look for someone on my side. Luckily, I quickly met a political junkie who lives in town online on Match. He listed himself as liberal in his dating profile, which was enough for me to click the reply button.

Our first date was at a harbor-view restaurant in the Marina. A good sport, he drove over an hour in heavy traffic from downtown LA, looking distinguished in a business suit and tie. I felt immediately at ease.

“Did you vote for Trump?” he asked.

“No,” I quickly replied, as we both sighed with relief.

It was a deal breaker for us both, and as we talked about our nation’s challenges, we clicked.

I admired my brilliant date for helping Dreamers, along with his belief in stronger gun control laws. We talked about Obamacare, tax reform, net neutrality, and immigration issues plaguing sanctuary cities.

Call me a sapiosexual, but his intellect was an aphrodisiac, and our conversations lasted for hours. The floodgates opened, and in time, so did my heart. Who knew that shared leanings and Saturday Night Live monologues could top a mutual desire for dark chocolate?

Because we were in sync, we advanced to a second date, then to a third, and by now, we’ve lost count.

Talking about politics in Trump’s America is important to me.

I worry about our country, but I don’t regret reuniting with my former beau. While I realize our deep history and unconditional love had brought us back together, it’s a huge relief not to have that burning question of “what if” circling inside my head.

However, love is conditional, with politics now residing atop the dating totem pole. As disappointed as I am with our president, I have him to thank for this realization.

And I learned a valuable lesson when my love life got “trumped.” I’m now watching Bill Maher’s monologues in the arms of a man who appreciates my strong voice, and I am forever grateful to be heard.

RELATED: Dating in a Trump World – One Year Later

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s a bestselling author and the the CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert. As an early adopter of Internet dating, Julie’s been coaching singles on finding love online for almost 25 years.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook

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