Listen to the Peter Tilden Show on KABC Radio in Los Angeles, with solo guest host Lisa Guerrero, who asked me to join in to help her navigate the waters of Tinder dating. Lisa said she is happily married, so she’s not a part of the Tinder generation and mobile dating apps. It was a fun and interesting conversation.
Some of the questions about online dating and mobile dating included:
LISA: Vanity Fair wrote a juicy recent article on Tinder and the hookup culture. What in the world is a tinder hookup culture and why is it ruining romance?
JULIE: Some people think it’s ruining romance, but it comes down to everyone’s swiping. We’re living in a swiping world. Everyone is swiping right and left on Tinder as a “hot or not” like a game to keep playing.
LISA: So someone gets this app and through this app they can see their picture and decide whether to swipe right or left and decide to connect with that person or dump them. Apparently what this Is this generation hooking up?
JULIE: It’s easier to hook up because you go onto your mobile phone, a location-based app. You can find someone a few miles away and boom you’ve got a date.
LISA: In the VF story it’s reported 100 million people are using mobile apps with 50 million on Tinder. The Tinder blog reports 25 million matches a day.
JULIE: It’s huge. The numbers are enormous. Just because they are swiping doesn’t mean they’re meeting IRL. If you don’t take your relationship offline, you just have a digital pen-pal or someone you’re texting with.
LISA: So Julie, if I’m on a bar and I’m single, I can see the possibilities of people who want to
JULIE: As long as you’re a mutual match. If I swipe right, the guy’s got to swipe right too and then you get a push notification that you have a mutual match and can start sending texts to each other.
LISA: This is based simply on links. Your only impression of the person is their picture, right?
JULIE: For men, it’s based on looks and they don’t even read the profile. They just keep swiping right as it’s a numbers game. Women tend to be more methodical. They look at profiles before they decide to swipe right or left.
LISA: Back in the olden dates, things moved really slow. You went on dates and went from first-base to second-base. What I’m understanding on Tinder, if that a guy is interested he sends [naked] picks. Julie do you think this is a short term way of meeting people or can you find a long term relationship?
JULIE: A lot of people looking for a relationship are also going on Tinder.
There will always be people looking to hookup and always people looking for love. They’re both playing in the same digital playground now.
KABC producer Miriam tried Tinder for 2 weeks to get an idea for the sake of the show. She shared with us her experience that if you swipe to the right is yes, swipe to the left is a loser.
“It’s really scary what these guys are putting on their profiles. They really are looking to hook up. They’re specific in their chats,” she said. Miriam wanted to meet specifically for a coffee date with a guy. Then he says, “Why don’t you meet me at my apartment.
For the rest of the radio segment, click below.
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the founder of CyberDatingExpert.com and was an early adopter of the Internet. Julie’s been helping singles find love online for over 20 years and from the convenience of mobile dating apps. Sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter and share your Tinder dating stories.
As Mother’s Day approaches, it’s time to take a look at the online dating behaviors of single moms and what their children think of their dates. If you think being a single mom reduces your chance of finding love online, this is a misconception among many others. Read on.
According to dating site PlentyOfFish, a survey of their users revealed that 44% of women dating are line are single moms and their reasons for going online and what they’re looking for may surprise you. With almost 28% of single moms admitting they’ve been dating online for over three years, this survey states that they might not be looking for a knight in white armor.
What’s exciting for single moms, it is turns out they’re finding love 10% faster than women without children at home. Does this mean you should post photos of your children in your online dating profile? As an online dating expert and dating coach, I’m not a fan of having your children appear as your primary profile photo, but believe it’s important to state within the text portion of your profile that you’re proud of your children (and list their ages). It turns out that an overwhelming 76% of single moms do indeed mention their children and/or post photos of them in their profiles.
According to POF:
Like many online daters, single mothers are looking for partners they can relate to. Accordingly, they are 3.4 times more likely to date a single father than childless women are. In contrast, single moms are half as likely to date childless men as women with no children are.
But what do the kids have to say about their mom’s dates?
According to POF, 63% of moms said they’d consider their child’s disapproval of a potential partner as a major red flag or a deal-breaker.
Other key findings include:
- 1.2% are interested in meeting a clone of their ex, while 60.28% said they didn’t have a type.
- 51.81% will introduce their date to their children once they are in a monogamous relationship.
- 54.98% said that with their busy schedule, there was no time to meet anyone anywhere else.
- 53.99% said that online dating allowed them to get to know someone without sacrificing time with their kid(s).
- 56.97% are dating online to find a partnership, as compared to less than 1% who are looking for financial support.
- 62.29% will go online whenever they can find a spare second, followed by weekday nights when their kids are asleep.
On this Mother’s Day, we wish you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo.
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of the Internet and has been helping singles find love online for over 20 years. To find out how you can have an Irresistible Online Dating Profile, visit CyberDatingExpert.com and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter for dating advice.
To get into the spirit of St. Patrick’s Day, you don’t need to be Irish. If you practice these expert dating and flirting skills, you’ll likely have a date on your calendar before the day is over, or will at least enjoy the time together with the object of your affection.
1. Send a text message the the person you’ve had a crush on to say “Happy St. Patrick’s Day. Even if they aren’t Irish, chances are they’ll reply to you.
2. Log onto an online dating site or mobile dating app and change your profile photo to wearing something green. Do the same on Facebook and change the first line of your profile to say, “Happy St. Patrick’s Day” or “Kiss me if you’re Irish.” Start swiping right in the morning to find a date by the afternoon.
3. If you have a date on the calendar, pick up a green carnation for him or her. Although receiving carnations might appear tacky on Valentine’s Day, a month later it’s fine. It’s worth a chuckle or two and shows your date that you took the time to think of them.
4. Grab some friends and go to your local watering hole. You don’t need to drink green beer, or anything green for that matter to get into the spirit. While standing in line, comment on someone’s outfit who has caught your attention. Guys should wear a green tie. Ladies, compliment him on it, even if it’s the tackiest thing you’ve seen all month. It’s the kind of day where approaching others isn’t just accepted, it’s expected.
5. Pick up a a flashing green button that says, “Kiss me if you’re Irish.” Chances are you’ll get at least a smile, if not a peck on the cheek.
6. Speaking of smiling, a smile is contagious and everyone wants to be around someone who appears to be happy. Practice the 5-second stare while smiling at someone you would like to meet. It’s the cue for them to come over and wish you a Happy St. Patrick’s Day. Who knows where the conversation will lead?
7. Start snapping photos on your SmartPhone and post them to Facebook and your Instagram account. Compliment the guy with the tacky green tee shirt and take his photo. It will help get the conversation started. Chances are he’ll want to see his digital photo and may even ask you to take another one. You’ll be engaging in no time, or possibly even more.
8. Put a green bandana on your dog’s collar and go to the local dog park. There’s a reason it’s called puppy love and it’s a great conversation starter.
9. Go to a St. Patrick’s Day parade in your local city. Everyone loves a parade and it will give you an excuse to start a conversation with those you end up bundled up with.
10. If the festivities are too much for you and you’d prefer avoiding crowds, go to a sushi bar or your favorite Japanese restaurant and sip on some hot green tea and order green-tea ice cream for dessert.
11. Set up a coffee date and order the green tea Frappuccino at Starbucks or meet at an ice cream shop and grab a mint-chocolate ice cream cone.
12. If you have a sweet tooth, bake some chocolate cupcakes and decorate them with green frosting. Bring a few for your date to nibble on. If you’re not the best in the kitchen, stop by your local bakery or sprinkles cupcakes store and select some luscious items all wrapped up and ready to go.
Keep in mind St. Patrick’s Day is the perfect time to practice the art of flirting. Go ahead and wear that flashing green button to draw attention to yourself. If you are not one to visit a local pub, go to a public place and wear green and start smiling. You have permission to do it all.
Julie Spira is an online dating expert and bestselling author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating. She’s the founder of CyberDatingExpert.com and host of #DateChat on Thursdays at 8p/ET on Twitter. For online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, on Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert and sign up for the Free Weekly Flirt Newsletter.
Today, Meghan Trainor released her song, “Dear Future Husband” on Cosmopolitan and we couldn’t resist sharing it for our Cyber Love Song of the Week.
Besides, being adorable and poppy, she provided a list of things if you’d like to be her “one-and-only.”
Her list will show her future husband why she’ll make the perfect life. From going on a date, being treated like a lady, remembering anniversaries and more, this pop song will be enjoyed by both girls and guys who are confused about dating online or IRL. (She even gives a shout out to POF).
Enjoy the music!
Click here for more Cyber Love Songs.
Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for free Weekly Flirt for dating advice.
This Valentine’s Day falls on a long holiday weekend and comes complete with a full moon, so if you’re thinking about leaning in for that first kiss, don’t be shy. A full moon can bring out the romance just about any time of the year.
We’re back with our Valentine’s Survival guide, complete with social media etiquette, fun date ideas, and are proud to share out latest interview in the New York Times about Tinder and mobile dating apps to ramp up your search to find that perfect Valentine.
With out further digital ado, here are some of our articles and dating tips to bring the love back in your life, or at least make sure that you’re not hiding under the covers on a holiday weekend.
From riding the Ferris Wheel to a scavenger hunt, find out why in-room-dining at home can be one of the most romantic ways to celebrate Valentine’s Day, regardless of your relationship status.
Being single on Valentine’s isn’t the end of the world. Sure you go into stores and see nothing but boxes of red candy and roses throughout the grocery stores, but a new survey from U.K. online dating site Smooch.com shows that only 10% of the 2000 singles polled actually love Valentine’s Day. Are the other 90% pretending to go along with the program?
From Twitter to Facebook, Pinterest to Instagram, find out what to post, or not to post on your favorite social networks.
DON’T: Tag your new boyfriend on Facebook. Chances are he hasn’t told his buddies and work pals about his Valentine’s plans.
DO: Post a photo if you’ve received flowers, a fun gift, or of the dessert at dinner. Everyone loves to view the photos and will cheer you on with ‘likes.’
DON’T: Post your Happy Valentine’s message on your date’s wall. Saying you can’t wait until the evening together should remain private. Remember, a simple post may be innocent. However your friends might wonder what kind of wild night the two of you will be having. Or worse yet, his ex-girlfriend might start posting inappropriate comments to ruin your evening.
DO: Send a digital gift, such as his or her favorite band on iTunes, an e-card, or a redeemable gift card to a store or restaurant.
DON’T: Send a musical montage of ‘I Love You’ songs if you haven’t said those three little words yet.
DO: Ask for permission before you post anything online. Remember you’re creating a permanent digital footprint and your status and photos can be shared, even by people you don’t know.
DON’T: Overshare. Remember, many of your friends are single and may not be enjoying the day.
DO: Make an exciting announcement. If you become engaged on Valentine’s Day, your friends will want to know.
DON’T: Change your Facebook relationship status to ‘In a Relationship’ until both of you have had the talk and agree to be on the same digital page.
Do you have any social media rules for Valentine’s Day?
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam this Valentine’s.
Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and join us for #DateChat on Thursdays at 5pm/PT on Twitter.
Recently at the iDate Conference, I presented Tinder with the award of Best Mobile Dating App of 2015.
This award was well-deserved, considering two years ago, Tinder wasn’t a household word like Match and eHarmony has been for years for online daters.
In an interview with The New York Times, I told reporter Molly Wood that the increase in smartphone usage directly relates to the increase in dating app usage.
“People are dating on the fly, they’re dating in real time, they’re hooking up or meeting for dates, they’re doing both. Same day, same hour.”
So how did a perceived hook-up app become the hottest trend for singles looking for love online?
1. They penetrated the college marketplace.
These early adopters paved the way for others to jump on the bandwagon. In time, the demographics started to rise and millions of users were playing the Tinder game.
2. They made it easy to create a profile.
With no long questions to answer and no profile approval process, all one has to is download the app, connect to Facebook where it pulls your age and photos on Facebook, and add a short bio if you desire, however many ignore filling out the profile.
3. Set your preferences for distance and age parameters
Since Tinder is location-based, once you log on, it searches for potential matches close by. If you travel out of town, you’ll receive a whole new set of matches to make sure you’re not lonely at night.
4. Let the swiping and matching begin
Quite simply, you swipe right if you’re attracted to someone and swipe left if you’re not. If both of you swipe right, then you’re notified that you’re a match and can start communicating in their private chat feature.
Online dating and mobile dating are a numbers game. The more often you swipe, the more often you’ll have the opportunity to be matched.
5. State Your Intentions
We are living in a world of swiping left and right and the habit has become the norm for other popular mobile dating apps. In order to be successful on Tinder, you must start swiping and become proactive about communicating with your matches. If you’re looking to find a relationship instead of a casual fling, you must fill out the information bio page and clearly state your dating intentions. Women find it refreshing when a man says, “Not looking for FWB or a hookup.”
At the iDate conference, it was pointed out by Mark Brooks from Courtland Brooks that only 8% of women were swiping right while viewing profiles of men. Men on the other hand were swiping right as often as possible, with the hopes that they can be matched.
Tinder reports over 1 billion swipes a day and matches over 12 million people a day. But are they actually meeting IRL?
An interesting trend that we are noticing is that a lot of men are posting their age on Tinder as 100 years old. The trend of not honestly stating your age in online dating has been around for years, but to become a centurion on Tinder means you’ll have to change your age on your Facebook profile. There’s no way to change your age on Tinder. Facebook makes it difficult to change your age and discourages this process by limiting the amount of times you can do so. Still, I encourage truth-in-advertising.
As I told The New York Times, people who are using Tinder are also using other dating sites, sometimes paying for memberships. Having easy access to lots of different dates actually increases your odds of eventually finding a match. It’s making dates happen a lot more quickly and the more dates you go on, the better daters you become. Let mobile dating apps become your new best friend.
Are you swiping right on multiple mobile dating apps?
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of online dating and mobile dating. Julie’s the founder of CyberDatingExpert.com, where they create Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene and host of #DateChat on Twitter on Thursdays at 5pm/PT. Follow @JulieSpira for dating advice and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
Photo credit: Fotolia
Sometimes it’s great to be impulsive and go on a last minute date, but in the case of this female dater, she would have been better off if she had gone with a friend or knew her date better before their first concert date.
Wondering what happened? Read the latest entry to the Peril of the Week and find out why this date went south.
This past week, I had an amazing opportunity to see one of the world’s most iconic musicians, Stevie Wonder in concert. But I needed someone to go with. On a whim, I mentioned this to someone I was chatting with on OK Cupid. He jumped at the chance to go.
I did have hesitations on whether or not to go to a concert on a first date but given the superstar playing, I simply assumed there would be enough going on to make even the most awkward date, ok.
I was wrong.
After arriving an hour late, my date suggested I drive to the venue, and could we stop for beers in advance. While I don’t drink, I do understand the importance of the pre-party so I obliged.
Unfortunately, my date decided this would be a great time to down several 20 oz. beers, and this was all before he pulled out the 5th of generic whiskey to wash it down. At this point, he shared with me that he had just started drinking again this year and we hadn’t even gone into the concert yet.
Once inside the venue, my date was determined to get us backstage.
If you know me, you know how much I love this. All you have to do is figure out where the easiest way is to get on the floor and head that way. Right?
No. Not for my date. Perhaps it was the alcohol at this point, but let’s just label this endeavor a mistake.
We did find better seats though, maybe not the floor, but certainly better than our last row tickets. But this was not enough for my date and the mood was set for the concert and the mood was not fun.
Imagine being seated next to someone exceptionally hyper, very buzzed and wanting more than what we have. It was not fun…so not fun that half way through the show, I suggested we leave.
I still can’t believe that a 47-year old man chugged three 20 oz. beers and then pulled out a flask of Old Grandad before walking into a concert for a first date.
Do you have a story for the Peril of the Week?
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and founder of Cyber-Dating Expert. She was an early adopter of the Internet and online dating. Julie and her team create Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, sign up for the FREE Weekly Flirt newsletter, and like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert
Photo credit: Fotolia
What’s all the buzz about ‘Catfishing?’
Ever since the MTV show came out, singles and couples are glued to the television to find out the dirt on who’s being ‘Catfished.’
From women pretending to be men and vice versa, people are falling in love online, but are they really?
In reality, many are just digital pen-pals.
To learn more, listen to the morning show on WDBR in Springfield, where Julie Spira was a recent guest with Dylan, Julie & Co.
From dating safety to how to find a date for Valentine’s Day, you won’t want to miss this audio recording.
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of the Internet and online dating. Julie and her team create Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene.
Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the FREE Weekly Flirt newsletter.
Come one, come all to the Internet Dating Conference, the largest conference about online dating!
The 40th iDate Conference will be held at the Tropicana Hotel on January 20-22, 2015 and I’ll be on hand on three panels and will be presenting the Best Mobile Dating App at the iDate Awards on the evening of January 21st.
Here’s the rundown of events for Online Dating Expert Julie Spira
- Wednesday, January 21: CNN Panel: Focus on Content Marketing and Industry Trends – 3:30pm Cohiba 6 & 7
- Wednesday, January 21: iDate Awards – 7pm, Tropicana, Cohiba Ballroom 1
- Thursday, January 22: Essence Panel – How Date Experts on How to Use PR and Build Their Brand – 1:30pm
- Thursday, January 22: Final Debate: 4pm
For a $50 discount and to purchase tickets and register for iDate, click here.
View our video below for details on the panels.
I’ll see you in Las Vegas!
Follow @JulieSpira for online dating advice.
From New Year’s resolutions including joining a gym, to joining an online dating site to find love in 2015 tops the list for many singles. Are you ready to join the world’s largest digital dating party?
Think about it. Some relationships ran their course and couples broke up before the holidays. Others hung in there until New Year’s and realized they were in a relationship that wouldn’t go the distance. Some singles made the decision after having another holiday alone that they’d make a better effort to find their soul mate.
While Sunday is known to be a busy day for logins on Internet dating sites, the first Sunday of the year is the busiest day for new members to take action with their love lives.
- According to PlentyofFish, 5pm, EST will break all the records with the most number of singles online at one time on the first Sunday of the year.
- POF adds that singles that sign up in January are 15% more likely to meet a significant other and that it will take single men approximately 10 weeks to meet a significant other and it will take single women approximately 8 weeks to couple up.
- The folks at Match.com agree that January 4th is the busiest day of the year for their site. Match reports a 38% increase in membership from December 26th through February 14th.
So whether you’re swiping right on Tinder or your mobile app or logging on to see your daily matches and who has viewed your profile, one thing is for sure. If you’re single and want to connect, you must have a digital dating strategy to help you stand out in the crowded playground.
Here are five tips for online dating in the New Year
- Change your Photos. I’m a big believer that a picture tells 1000 words. If you have the budget to hire a photographer, have him or her take photos of you in your natural environment. It’s an expense that might help you find your dream date.
- Create a New Catchy Screen Name. If you’re on a site which allows you to have a screen name or user name other than your first name, come up with something unique that describes your personality. Using your name and zip code isn’t very original or catchy. Some great names include anything athletic such as LovestoSki or YogaLover to anything artistic such as MusicLover or Drummer4U.
- Ask questions! Writing an online dating profile can be as bland as writing your resume while you’re job hunting. The difference is, you need to create an opportunity to open a dialog with your potential date. Describe things that you’d like to do together with someone as a couple and ask a question such as, I enjoy hiking in the Santa Monica Canyon. Have you ever been?
- Be proactive. They say the squeaky wheel gets the deal in business, but what about online? Too many women are afraid to contact a man because they think they will appear needy or desperate. I say, toss out those old rules. Men are flattered when they receive an email from a woman, so don’t wait, initiate.
- Be engaged. Whether you’re looking for a ring on your finger or just a date for Friday night, the more active that you are online, the more likely your profile will be raised to the top. Many sites give you tools to search for dates, opportunities to “like” photos, and send you emails with potential matches. The more you use these tools, the greater chance you have to fill up your date card.
If you need some help, our signature Irresistible Profiles and personalized dating coaching programs just might be exactly what you’re looking for in the New Year. We’ve helped singles around the world find love and look forward to helping you while looking for love online.
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo.
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of Internet dating, having created her first profiles over 20 years ago. For more online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.