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Eddie V Recap – Online Dating Stories

WCKG Eddie V ShowIn a recent interview on Chicago’s WCKG Radio, I was a guest with Eddie V to talk about online dating, ghosting,  and finding love in the digital age.

You can listen to the segment here or read the transcript below.

Eddie V: Well welcome to the show!

Julie: Hi, great to be here.

Eddie V: Thank you for joining us. Julie is an expert on online dating. You have websites and blogs and everything else, is that right?

Julie: And all that good stuff, yes. CyberDatingExpert.com is where people can get free dating advice and also sign up for my Weekly Flirt if they need more dating advice.

Eddie V: CyberDatingExpert.com. And I follow you on Twitter at @JulieSpira. Spelled S-P-I-R-A, but it’s pronounced “Spy-ruh.” I you say “Spear-uh” she’ll send 6 billion volts down the line and blow up your computer.

Julie: Oh, ouch!

Eddie V: No, you wouldn’t do that. So we’re glad to have you on, you and I talked on a podcast once before. People are overwhelmingly dating online and meeting and hooking up ’cause it’s easy and modern way of doing things. It comes with perils and pratfalls and whatever else. Is that not right?

Julie: You know there are some good dates, there are some bad dates, but more often than not, people get frustrated with that one- and-done dating. And they go on that one bad date and they’re like “maybe I don’t want to do this again,” but after a while, they’ll fill up their date cards and go out and I think it’s a fun way to meet people as long as you don’t look at each date as having to be “the one.” That’s way too much pressure.

Eddie V: Well a lot of people are frustrated, but their expectations are too high, right?

Julie: Everyone’s expectations are high, but the same point, we really need to practice truth-in-advertising. So if you have an online dating profile, please ditch those old prom shots. If you don’t look like the girl in the photo or if you’ve gained weight or your hair is gray in one photo and brown in another – show somebody what you look like today because guess what? They’re going to hop over to Facebook and Instagram and see what you look like in real time. So just be authentic so that you don’t have a bad dating experience.

Eddie V: I have never understood that – why somebody would put up a picture that’s not representative, knowing that they’re going to see this person. You know, they’re going to walk in and the chances are, if you don’t resemble that picture, they may just turn and bolt before they even get to the table.

Julie: Very true, and you don’t want to see that frown on their face. So the point is, I remember talking to one gentleman who was very excited about a woman he met who only had a close up head and shoulders shot, and he was new to dating so he didn’t realize that you need to have that full length body shot. He went to pick her up at the airport and she was at least 100 pounds more than what he thought, and it wasn’t a good experience. Other people actually walk out on their dates, so don’t be the one that someone walks out on.

Eddie V: I hate when people misrepresent. For instance, as a billionaire, I was flying my private jet and I had to take a cab to get to the restaurant and this woman didn’t believe me at all! I’m actually married. I’ve been married since before the cyber dating thing kicked in, so I’m not a real expert here, let’s talk about the horror stories – things that you’ve heard that have gone really wrong on some of these set up dates.

Julie: Well this is really interesting. It was just in the Sunday paper. The Times Free Press had a story that I was quoted in and there was a case where a woman on a very first date, a first online date, asked the guy to escort her to her grandmother’s funeral. And to make matters worse, she asked him to pretend to be a long time boyfriend so she wasn’t showing up with a date that nobody knew, so she wanted to pretend that they’d been dating a while. They never got to a second date.

Eddie V: That’s like the uh, there’s an Enterprise Rent a Car commercial like that where she asks the Enterprise guy to pretend to be her date. What else has happened? I know there’s awful stories that end with not funny endings.

Julie: Well, safety is important and everyone wants to feel safe, both online and offline, so I always recommend that singles meet in a public place and have a buddy and tell your girl friend or guys you hang out with the name of the person you’re meeting, their cellphone number, their Instagram name and name on any one of the websites you were on, and where you’re going. This way you can check in with them – take a bathroom break and let them know that you’re doing okay.

Eddie V: Yeah, I have divorced friends that are bouncing around and meeting up with these people and they’re not very happy. How would you say the percentage of guys on any given dating site are looking for one night stands but pretend to be looking for the right one? Is it high?

Julie: A LOT. But here’s the thing, online dating has grown so much in popularity. A recent PEW Internet Research Study showed that actually a demographic of 18-24 year olds, that went up by 400% in the last two years. So we are probably getting more millennials that are hooking up and ghosting and people that are looking for a more serious committed relationship, that perhaps just got divorced and are looking for somebody to share their life with.

Eddie V: Ah, ghosting. That’s the thing we’ve been talking about. We’ll get to that in just a little bit. What are the top sites, would you say, that people hook up on these days?

Related: Why You Won’t Delete Tinder When You’ve Found The One

Julie: Well everybody’s talking about Tinder, swiping right, or dating in a Tinder world. So Tinder has really become a huge, huge mobile dating app because it originally started and got popular on college campuses. The original people that were members of Tinder swiping right and left were millennials. Even my mother says, “What’s Tinder?” My mother’s not single, but she still asked me what Tinder was and I don’t think my mother wants to date as a grandma. So I would say that people that want to hook up, please do us a favor and say so on your profile. Go on a mobile app and say you’re not looking for anything serious, just looking for something casual or be really blunt and say “looking for a hookup” because there are women that want to hook up as well. Go ahead and find each other, but don’t pretend that you want to be Prince Charming or the knight in white armor, then basically come in at the end of the date and say let’s hook up. If that’s not what you want, just let somebody else swipe right on that particular profile.

Eddie V: This is very basic, but for people that don’t know, explain “swipe right” and “swipe left.”

Julie: I most certainly will. So what’s happens on mobile phones, whether you’re using it for dating apps like Tinder, Bumble, or even Match.com’s app or OKCupid, a lot of them give you the opportunity to look at a profile. When you look at a photo of someone, you can click on it and read their bio, or you can just swipe right with your thumb – and that means “Yes, I’m interested” – or you swipe left, and that sends the message that “No, I’m not interested.” And if you swipe left, they go into Internet Heaven and they disappear permanently.

Eddie V: So it’s like blocking them if you swipe left.

Julie: If you swipe left they go away, and you have to be a mutual match – you both need to swipe right – before you can start a conversation or a chat.

Related: Bumble Now Makes Men Reply or Match Disappears

Eddie: Okay. I follow a certain account on Instagram that is one of those “Bye Felipe” things where these guys continue to bug women. So maybe they’ve had one date then they keep coming after them like “you weren’t so hot anyway,” is that from Tinder or is that not? If I wasn’t interested, I’d definitely swipe left and obliterate the person.

Julie: It’s really interesting, there’s stories of people who swipe left on someone because they weren’t interested and then the person tracked them down somehow on Facebook and said “You didn’t swipe right on me on Tinder. Why?” There are so many ways that you can actually connect with someone, between texting and Tinder, and Facebook and Snapchat, social media, and of course, WhatsApp, there’s so many ways to check up on someone to see if they’re swiping right or left, or even the last time they logged on.

Eddie V: So would it maybe be a good idea to just have a first name and a last letter or something and not use the same picture for Tinder as you do on Facebook?

Julie: Well the way Tinder works, is it DOES give a first name and a last initial, so I would be displayed as Julie S. if I was on Tinder. So you don’t know my last name, but if you look at the profile they will show you which friends on Facebook you have in common. As a result, you can become a cyber sleuth to be polite, or you can become a cyber stalker and go “We have that friend in common” and going to my friend’s page and seeing if there’s a girl named Julie, and boom there she is. I’m going to track her down. Guys, don’t do it. We want to feel safe.

Eddie V: So what is Bumble? I haven’t heard of that, but like I said, I’m not in this scene. What’s the difference between Tinder and Bumble?

Julie: I love Bumble! Bumble is really a lot of fun. The way Bumble works, and it’s very similar to Tinder, where you can swipe right if you’re interested and swipe left if you’re not. But they have an interesting twist to it. I call it the Sadie Hawkins of digital dating – the woman makes the first move. So if I’m on Bumble and you look great, I swipe right, and you cannot even find out about me until I’ve already approved you. And this gives women some sort of control, and guys like it as well. And the reason guys like it is because they’re so tired of swiping right on basically everyone, it’s a numbers game, and having nobody reply to them. So if a woman swipes right on someone on Bumble, then the man is notified. He already knows there’s a really good chance that if he writes to her, she will write back. So that’s a great thing about Bumble. One feature they have is that you can shake your phone to go back. What happens if you swipe left by mistake? You shake your phone and boom! you get that match back.

Eddie V: Oh, okay. And some people might say that’s sexist, but let’s face it, men tend to be the aggressors and the stalkers. And it works both ways, but men tend to be more gnarly when they come after you, so I like that. I like the option that the women have with Bumble. Alright, well we want to talk about ghosting. Can you hang on through the break here? People are going to love this because it’s happening everywhere and it’s happened to a bunch of our listeners. It’s Julie Spira from CyberDatingExpert.com and she’s on Facebook as Julie Spira, and @JulieSpira on Twitter. Am I right about that?

Julie: That’s right!

Eddie V: Alright, we’ll be right back. It’s Eddie V on WCGK. We’ll have more in a second.

(break)

Eddie V: We’re live in LA talking to Julie Spira. She has relatives in, did you say, Highland Park?

Julie: Yes, Highland Park.

Eddie V: I can see Highland Park from my window!

Julie: Wave hello to my cousins.

Eddie V: She’s the online cyber dating expert. CyberDatingExpert.com, and you have a book out! Just released is that right?

Julie: Yes! We recently re-released The Perils of Cyber Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online and it’s filled with my juicy stories about my romantic journey of trying to replace the love of my life with an Internet mate.

Eddie V: Did you meet your boyfriend online?

Julie: Well, the love of my life, actually, I met him offline. But after 16 years apart, he found me on Facebook and came back for me. And that’s part of the epilogue and it’s a very, very sweet story for any hopeful romantic. There’s an audiobook version. We went into the studio and we had a great time in the studio recording it for Audible. It’s on Amazon and Barnes and Noble, and in bookstores.

Eddie: And what is it called again?

Julie: The Perils of Cyber Dating!

Eddie: Alright! We’ll look for it. So let’s talk about ghosting. Tell people what ghosting is.

Related: Confused: Is he Ghosting?

Julie: Ouch, okay. I’m sure many of you have been ghosted, maybe you didn’t even know that’s what it’s called. But when it’s time to call it quits these days, daters are disappearing – they’re just going MIA. You may have been in bed with them last night, and then they went completely off the radar, no text, block you on Facebook, and they just completely disappear. So what’s happening is breaking up isn’t hard to do anymore. A person just disappears digitally and they find it to be acceptable. And I don’t.

Eddie: Well here’s the thing, they used to say how horrible it was back in the day of breaking up by phone, but nowadays, yeah, ghosting is just where you flat out vanish. And if they’ve not been to your house, say you’ve only met them for a date somewhere, social media allows you to delete, block, even today’s modern cell phones you can block their calls. You can stop them from ever contacting you again, and basically, you become a ghost.

Julie: Ghosting has become a cultural phenomenon and a dating epidemic. These days, being ghosted is today’s dating world’s vanishing act. And you never know why. So the person who’s gotten ghosted, they don’t have closure and they’re wondering “Did I say something wrong?” “Did I appear too needy?” “Did I ask for commitment to fast?” “Did I sleep with him too fast?” And they sit there and they agonize over why the person disappeared and ghosted them.

Eddie V: And online it’s just a complete and utter lack of backbone that guys have, right?

Julie: Yeah, it’s really not a good thing to do. Here are some interesting tidbits – PlentyOfFish, very big, large free dating site that’s been around for a while, did a survey that came out about two months ago that showed that 80% of millennials between the ages of 18 to 33 have been ghosted. Which means they were dating somebody and all the communications just completely disappeared, no explanation.

Eddie V: Wow, what was that percentage? 80%?

Julie: Almost 80% of the millennials 18 to 33 have been ghosted or have ghosted someone. Those are big numbers.

Eddie V: Part of it is that they’ve been raised in social media times. That’s how you communicate, there’s not a lot of face to face. I’m a teacher at Illinois media school and you’ll occasionally find a few students that have been raised in front of their computer that are like geniuses, but they can’t hold a conversation face to face with you. There’s a lot of that going around.

Julie: You see it whenever you go to restaurants and families don’t talk to each other because they’re all talking on the phone. But I read something in the news about a fiancé who ghosted the bride two weeks before the wedding.

Eddie V: She had to know where he lived right?

Julie: He later resurfaced in Thailand.

Eddie V: Ohhhh, so he flat out moved!

Julie: He flat out left. Other country, other passport, who knows? But at the end of the day, this girl thought she was walking down the aisle, and he didn’t have the courage to break up with her in person. Not even in an email.

Eddie V: That’s just loss of human dignities, skills, and decency at this point. I mean, come on. That’s society decaying.

Julie: And it’s not just for everyday people. Ghosting’s been in the news for celebrities. Charlize Theron said she never ghosted Sean Penn, it became a big news story. Olivia Wilde said that she actually ghosted Jason Sudeikis after they first met. Everybody’s ghosting, but it’s not right.

Eddie V: No, it’s not. I don’t understand. Let me ask you about specific kinds of dating sites. Is that a good thing? SerialKiller.com – alright that’s a bad example. (to co-host) What did you call the one? Farmers?

Co-host: Farmers Only.

Julie: FarmersOnly.com – if you want to date a farmer, that’s where you go.

Eddie V: JDate is for Jewish people. Can you think of some other ones?

Julie: Christian Mingle. It’s also owned by the same people that own JDate. You’ve got OKCupid, one of my favorite sites that I really enjoy recommending. Match.com – it’s been around a long time.

Eddie V: Is OKCupid a specific kind of thing, or what?

Julie: No, OKCupid is a free site and it’s very, very simple to use. They also have a mobile app and it’s very easy to create a profile, it’s very simple, and start dating and communicating with people. But the interesting thing with OKCupid is if the date goes south, you have the opportunity to block the person where they can’t actually view your profile.

Eddie V: Kind of a form of ghosting ha ha.

Julie: It’s like saying “I wasn’t interested.”

Eddie V: Yeah, I guess. It’s still kind of taking the easy way out instead of telling them “You know what, I had a good time, but I just didn’t think this was working out.” What are some other specific ones?

Co-host: Black People Meet.

Eddie V: Black People Meet? Oh, okay.

Julie: We call these niche sites – those that are based on race or religion or farming or vegetarian sites or sites for pet lovers. There’s basically a site for just about everyone, and you just need to find the right site for you. So my number one recommendation is to try three sites. One large one like eHarmony, Match.com or PlentyOfFish, or try a niche site and see which one you actually connect with people or that you enjoy using the most.

14 Niche and Nutty Dating Sites

Eddie V: People might laugh about something like vegetarian or whatever, but it would make your going out to dinner choices a lot easier. There’s nothing worse than, like, “I’m going to take you to a nice steak place.” “I don’t eat meat.”

Julie: “Oops, sorry, I’m a vegan.” You don’t want to have those problems, you want to find something in common. And for someone who is a vegan, dating another vegan because they like to cook together and dine together, is really important. So you put it in your profile anywhere on a regular, mainstream site, such as Match.com, eHarmony or PlentyOfFish, and you also join a site that is specific for vegans.

Eddie V: Are there any sites that are specifically for hookups? Probably Craigslist!

Julie: I don’t recommend hookups. You won’t hear those words out of my mouth.

Eddie V: Yeah, no. Hey, by the way, before we get out, I want a couple more horror stories. For people that have had a bad experience, I want them to think that theirs couldn’t possibly be the worst once they hear yours.

Julie: Well, some of the stories that I shared in my book – there was one that was really kind of disturbing. I went on a date with someone, a long time ago, and we went to a lovely café and all of the sudden, he looked at me oddly and said very, very calmly, at first, “You look like my dead wife.” I didn’t know what to say. And I just kind of went “Oh, I’m sorry.” He didn’t stop. He kept saying “No, you look like my dead wife!” And then he started to get agitated, he must’ve yelled it. He stood up in the restaurant and said “She looks like my dead wife!” And he pulls out a picture of his recently deceased wife, and she did sort of look like she could’ve been my sister, but it was really an embarrassing moment.

Eddie V: Oh, this happened to you? Oh, man.

Julie: Me, it’s in the book.

Eddie V: Oh, wow.

Julie: He’s in the chapter called “The New York Transplant.”

Eddie V: Alright, it’s available – one more time, the name of the book is…?

Julie: The Perils of Cyber Dating.

Eddie V: The Perils of Cyber Dating. She’s Julie Spira and she’s on CyberDatingExpert.com and hopefully on the show again a lot of times ’cause you never know if these guys are gonna break up with these long term girlfriends now that they’re big radio stars.

Julie: Thanks for having me. It’s been a blast.

Eddie V: Alright, Julie, thank you very much. I’ll send you the link this whole thing so we can repost it ’cause that’s what we do. Julie Spira on WCGK.

Listen to the link here:

Need some hand holding? Find out how our Irresistible Profiles will help you find your dream date.

Quote of the Day – #QOTD

Today’s Quote: “A woman knows the face of a man she loves as a sailor knows the open sea. ~Honore de BalzacQuote of the Day

Follow Dating Expert @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook

Sign up for the FREE Weekly Flirt newsletter for online dating and relationship advice.

 

 

Julie Spira Talks Online Dating With Charles Tendell

Ask the Cyber-Dating ExpertIf you missed our radio interview on “Hacked” on the Charles Tendell show on Denver’s Talk Radio 1690 KDMT in Denver, here’s the replay for your listening pleasure.

In this one hour segment I provided tips for online dating profiles, safety, how to spot a “catfish” and how to create an irresistible online dating profile to find your dream date.

Listen Here

You’ll hear how I told Charles the story of how I became the pioneer of online dating, even before the days of Match and eHarmony. I also provided listeners with tips to be successful with Internet dating with the enormous amount of members flocking to dating sites and mobile apps.

Since many singles are looking for a different type relationship, whether it’s a long-term relationship, or casual dating, we discussed which sites are the best for you. Is Tinder just for hookups? Hear my explanation.

For the best online dating advice, I do recommend truth-in-advertising, as these days daters are hopping over to Facebook, Linkedin, Instagram, and other social networking sites to see if your photos and profiles match up.

Read the full transcript here:

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram

Sign up for our Free Weekly Flirt newsletter!

Bumble Now Makes Men Reply or Match Disappears

Bumble 24 hour replyTo help prevent ‘ghosting’ dating app Bumble has just evened the playing field for the guys with their new “24 Hour Reply” feature.

The app, where women make the first move, had originally required women to reply to a mutual match within 24 hours or the match would expire. The guys on the other digital hand, could wait to reply to the women as long as they wanted to.

As reported on Mashable, Bumble’s CEO Whitney Wolfe explained that men had “essentially forever” to respond to the women’s initial emails keeping the women waiting, or resulting in guys not replying at all.

Since Bumble’s launch, women have made the first move over 50 million times on the mobile dating app.

Now, Men Must Reply in 24 Hours on Bumble

Now the men will also be on a 24-hour notice as the countdown clock to reply to women will start once they receive an email.

Wolfe told Mashable that with LGBTQ couples, either person can start the communication within 24 hours, but the person who receives the first message must also adhere to the new 24-hour rule as well.

Earlier this year, I was interviewed by ABC News about Bumble and how it was empowering women everywhere and had become a favorite among men, who wire tired of swiping right and getting matches, but few replies from the women.

Watch: Why Women Like Bumble on ABC

The 24- hour timer will make men step up to the plate, or the match will disappear, forever.

I’ve always said, “the squeaky wheel gets the digital love deal.” This puts this strategy to the test.

Bumble 24 hours

Source: Bumble

Bumble still will be empowering women by requiring that they make the first move when matched.

Earlier this year they added a new social networking feature to help you find a same sex friend to hang out with, expanding their service outside of dating.

Related: Bumble Helps You Find Your BFF

Guys, are you ready to step up to the digital plate and start chatting with the women?

Your comments are welcome.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating and Mobile Dating Expert. She was an early adopter of Internet dating and has been coaching singles on finding love online for two decades. Julie’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online and has been featured in the news over 1000 times on the subject of dating in a digital world.

Follow @JulieSpira on Instagram and Twitter for dating advice.

Sign up for the Free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

 

 

 

7 Must Do Dating Tips for Spring Fever

Spring Fever

It’s official! Spring starts this weekend and we are sure ready for the new season.

It’s springtime and we all know that spring fever is in the air and many singles are hoping to find love this season, or at least fill their date cards.

Now that you’ve moved the clocks forward to daylight savings time, it’s time to think about sunset dates, changing your wardrobe to lighter colors, and getting out to smell the digital roses.

Here are 6 Must-Do Online Dating Tips for Spring

1. Swipe Right

It’s time to turn up the volume and download a few mobile dating apps and start flirting. By now most of you have either used the hot mobile app Tinder, where you swipe to the right to connect with a potential date, or swipe to the left to send them into Internet heaven. It’s time to join the digital party. We can help you with our Swiping Right service to tweak your Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, Coffee Meets Bagel or other mobile dating apps.

Don’t forget the mobile versions of the dating sites you already belong to. If you’re a member of eHarmony, JDate, Match, OkCupid, PlentyOfFish, Zoosk, or other dating sites, make sure to keep the push notifications on so you can find a date in a digital minute.

2. Log on Twice Daily

Take one hour twice a day and log on to your favorite dating site or scroll through your mobile dating apps. Did you know that just having your profile appearing as online often will raise your visibility in a search to potential dates?  Ready, set, log on.

3. Turn on Chat

Whether you’re on Facebook or are on an Internet dating site or mobile dating app, make sure your settings are configured for you to be able to chat with someone IRL. Download Facebook Messenger on your mobile phone if you haven’t done so and start chatting with someone you might have a digital crush on. Every time you hear that chime on your phone or computer, it just might bring a smile to your face.

4. Cast a Wider Net (and Zip Code)

Not getting much activity in your inbox? Expand your search from 15 miles to 60 or even 200 miles. If you find the one, it’s worth the commute, or even relocating for love. Are you limiting yourself to searching for a narrow age range? Revise your search parameters by a few years. That’s right, 5 years lower and 5 years higher than what you’ve already been looking for might be a good idea. If you’ve upgraded to Tinder Plus, their new feature allows you to add a new location to search in, so if you’re planning on visiting friends or family in New York, you can add that location to start getting matched with singles in another city. By the time you arrive, your date card should be filled.

5. Reorder Your Photos

If you have 3-5 of your favorite photos on your profile and can’t find time to grab a new one from your Facebook page, change the primary photo so your profile looks fresh. When you get the time, add a few more recent shots, wearing something colorful and retire those photos that are 5 years old, or more!

READ: WHEN IN DOUBT, WEAR RED

6. View and Hotlist Profiles

Some people just don’t like writing emails or making the first contact. If you’re a bit shy about initiating contact, view profiles of those you might be interested in and check out your suggested matches.  Chances are they’ll see that you’ve viewed them and will contact you if they’re interested in you. Take it one step further and rate them with 5 stars or put them on your hotlist. Often they’ll be notified, will be flattered, and you just might put a date on your calendar.

 

7. Watch Your Grammar

A study conducted by online dating site and app Zoosk of 9000 online daters found that 72% of users were turned off by blatant spelling errors. Almost 1/4 thought poor grammar was lazy and 93% of singles would be happy to receive a text with proper punctuation. poorly worded messages or messages with typos and grammatical errors. Don’t be that lazy dater who doesn’t appear to be taking  your digital conversation seriously.

Related: National Grammar Day

The good news is Zoosk found that response rates for opening messages sent with an exclamation point are 10% higher than average!

If you still need some help to make your profile stand out from the rest, contact us about our Irresistible Profiles to help you find your dream date.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.

Julie Spira is a top online dating expert and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. She was an early adopter of online dating and has been helping singles find love on the Internet for 20 years. For more dating advice follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, join us for #DateChat on Thursdays at 5p/PT, 8p/ET, sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter, and visit our Facebook page.

Photo credit: Fotolia.com

National Grammar Day – Why Grammar Matters in Dating

 

FullSizeRender

We’ve all gotten one of these grammatical travesties from an online crush before, either on a mobile dating app or via text.  It’s one of those dreadful parts of dating, right?

In honor of National Grammar Day, we’re here to help you with your digital love life.

Proper grammar is one of the most important aspects for singles on dating sites. Did you know that nearly half of singles consider poor spelling and grammar to be a huge deal breaker?

Before you add in that extra emoticon, we’re here to help raise awareness on “National Grammar Day” to help you find love online and IRL.

According to a recent study by Zoosk, a majority of singles (72%) are turned off by blatant spelling errors, and nearly 1/4 think poor grammar means you’re chatting with someone who is uneducated or not so smart. As far as punctuation goes, of the 9,441 respondents to the Zoosk survey, 93% of singles would be happy if they received a text message with proper punctuation.

The study also found that response rates for opening messages sent with an exclamation point are 10% higher than average!

Separately, eHarmony teamed up with Grammarly, the world’s leading online proofreader, to conduct a grammar study to analyze poor grammar in dating profiles. After looking at 10,000 profiles from both men and women, Grammarly found that women make almost twice as many grammatical errors per every 100 words than men do, but are less likely to be judged by men for their grammatical errors.

As little as two spelling errors on a profile can reduce a guy’s chance of getting a response by 14%, but women’s spelling and grammar errors didn’t have an impact on their chances at a response at all.

Here are a few tips on how to clean up your online dating profile and communication so that you won’t experience any grammar faux pas that could get in the way of attracting a digital crush.

Related: Rules of Netiquette: Love and Grammar

1. Use Exclamation Points!

As found in the Zoosk study, using an exclamation point can increase your chances of getting a response. Try “Hi Stacy!” instead of “Hi Stacy…” for a more positive reaction.

2. Proper Punctuation

Ending sentences with proper punctuation is actually preferred, even though some may think ending a text message with a period could come off as aggressive.  Another important piece of punctuation to remember is the Oxford comma. Trust us (and Grammarly) that there’s a difference between “I love cooking my family and my dog” and “I love cooking, my family, and my dog.”

3. YOMAFIO (You Only Make a First Impression Once) and LOL

Zoosk’s study found that using the acronym “YOLO,” meaning “you only live once,” decreases response rates by 47% and they recommended that you drop it from your dating vocabulary. However, “LOL” passed the test, as it increased responses by 25%.

Related: National Punctuation Day: Dating and Grammar

4. Your vs. You’re

We all remember the lesson we got from Ross Geller on that one episode of Friends (specifically, The One With The Jellyfish). There’s a very important difference between “your” and “you’re.” The differences between there, their, and they’re, or then and than, as well as to and too are also very important to know.

5. Take Your Time

Smartphones have a full keyboard and unlimited characters, so there’s no reason not to spell out what you want to say. Using shortcuts, like “u” in place of “you,” shows that you don’t care to take the time to write out a full sentence. You don’t want your potential date to feel like you’re too lazy to properly communicate with them. Beware of auto-correct, as it can bite you in the digital tush and make the smartest of singles seem a bit dumber on a good day.

Remember to always put your best digital foot forward and take the time to spell out what you want to say and your spelling and grammar will help you charm your way into your online love’s heart.

Happy National Grammar Day!

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert and has been coaching singles on finding love online for over 20 years. Julie’s the author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating and The Rules of Netiquette.

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram. Sign up for our Free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

Randi Zuckerberg Sings Online Dating Parody on SiriusXM

Cyber Love SongIn honor of Valentine’s Day, SiriusXM radio host of Dot Complicated, Randi Zuckerberg decided to add some musical fun and humor to our online dating segment.

Joined with Broadway star Aaron Finley, the two sang their hearts out to the tune of “Summer Nights” from Grease.

As a radio show guest, I was humming in the background from Los Angeles with a smile on my face and shared 7 tech gifts for your Valentine.

Yes, with online dating, there are so many apps and sites. Sometimes you need to laugh about the digital dating process. From Christian Mingle to Farmers Only; Tinder to Uber Pool, this song’s got you covered.

As you swipe right, listen to this adorable “Dot Complicated” original song about Internet dating written by Randi Zuckerberg and Eric Kuhn. Since there are so many dating apps, sometimes you need to have a sense of humor about finding love online.

In the show, we talked about online dating profiles, mobile dating apps, confidence in dating, and which profile photos will capture his or her attention.

You can listen to this Valentine’s radio segment in its entirety on SiriusXM on:

Saturday, February 13th at  9pm ET/6pm PT on Stars channel 109

Sunday, February 14th 10am ET/7am PT on Business Radio channel 111

(Song courtesy of SiriusXM and available to listen to on SoundHound)

Full radio show recap on Dot Complicated

Follow Online Dating Expert @JulieSpira on Twitter for dating advice

Sign up for the the Free Cyber-Dating Expert Weekly Flirt

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of the Internet and has been helping singles find love online for over 20 years. Julie is the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online, just re-released and completely revised for Valentine’s Day with new bonus dating advice and a magical epilogue with a fairy tale ending.

Listen to Julie Spira on Marilu Henner Show

J and MIt’s peak season for love and for new signups for online dating sites and mobile dating apps.

We are thrilled that Marilu Henner had Julie on as a guest again on the Marilu Henner Show.

Julie talked about the latest trends in dating, shared details about her magical epilogue in her newly released book, and gave online dating profile dos and don’ts.

This show will get you ready for Valentine’s.

Listen to the show here.

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram.

Like our Facebook page.

Just Released! The Perils of Cyber-Dating Audio Book

Perils of Cyber-Dating Audio BookIt’s the New Year and that means singles are signing up in record numbers to online dating sites and mobile dating apps with the hope to snag a date by Valentine’s.

At Cyber-Dating Expert Headquarters, we’re excited to announce our new audio book for The Perils of Cyber-Dating was just released, in time for Valentine’s Day.

Seven years after our bestseller came out, we went into the studio and spent four months in post-production with The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love OnlineIt’s available on Amazon, Audible, and iTunes.

You’ll follow my journey as I attempt to replace the “Love of My Life” with an Internet mate.

The book is complete with online dating advice, fairy tale stories, a few heartbreaks, a lot of laughter, and a surprise NEW Epilogue to warm your heart and help you believe in love and happily ever after.

Here’s our book trailer with some highlights. P.S. Listen all the way to the end.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter

Listen to the full Book Trailer with more excerpts

Available on Amazon | Audible | iTunes

6 Online Dating Tips for Spring Fever

Spring FeverHappy Spring!

Now that we’ve changed the clocks to daylight savings time, it’s time to think about sunset dates, changing your wardrobe to lighter colors and getting out to smell the digital roses.

It’s springtime and we all know that Spring fever is in the air and many singles are hoping to find love this season, or at least fill their date card.

With this in mind, here are some online dating tips and advice to help ramp up your cyberdating search for the new season.

Swipe Right

It’s time to turn up the volume and download a few mobile dating apps and start flirting. By now most of you have either used the hot mobile app Tinder, where you swipe to the right to connect with a potential date, or swipe to the left to send them into Internet heaven. It’s time to join the digital party. We can help you with our Swiping Right service to tweak your Tinder or other mobile dating profile.

WATCH MOBILE APPS TO SPEED UP YOUR SEARCH

Don’t forget the mobile versions of the dating sites you already belong to. If you’re a member of eHarmony, JDate, Match, OkCupid, PlentyOfFish, Zoosk, or other dating sites, make sure to keep the push notifications on so you can find a date in a digital minute.

READ: TINDER PLUS LAUNCHES. REWIND LAST SWIPE FOR A PRICE

Log on Twice Daily

Take one hour twice a day and log on to your favorite dating site or scroll through your mobile dating apps. Did you know that just having your profile appearing as online often will raise your visibility in a search to potential dates?  Ready, set, log on.

Turn on Chat

Whether you’re on Facebook or are on an Internet dating site, make sure your settings are configured for you to be able to chat with someone IRL. Download Facebook Messenger on your mobile phone if you haven’t done so and start chatting with someone you might have a digital crush on. Every time you hear that chime on your phone or computer, it just might bring a smile to your face.

Cast a Wider Net (and Zip Code)

Not getting much activity in your inbox? Expand your search from 15 miles to 60 or even 200 miles. If you find the one, it’s worth the commute, or even relocating for love. Are you limiting yourself to searching for a narrow age range? Revise your search parameters by 10 years. That’s right, 5 years lower and 5 years higher than what you’ve already been looking for. If you’ve upgraded to Tinder Plus, their new feature allows you to add a new location to search in, so if you’re planning on visiting New York, you can add that location to start getting matched with singles in another city. By the time you arrive, your date card should be filled.

Reorder Your Photos

If you have 3-5 of your favorite photos on your profile and can’t find time to grab a new one from your Facebook page, change the primary photo so your profile looks fresh. When you get the time, add a few more recent shots, wearing something colorful and retire those photos that are 5 years old, or more!

READ: WHEN IN DOUBT, WEAR RED

View and Hotlist Profiles

Some people just don’t like writing emails or making the first contact. If you’re a bit shy about initiating contact, view profiles of those you might be interested in and check out your suggested matches.  Chances are they’ll see that you’ve viewed them and will contact you if they’re interested in you. Take it one step further and rate them with 5 stars or put them on your hotlist. Often they’ll be notified, will be flattered, and you just might put a date on your calendar.

If you still need some help to make your profile stand out from the rest, contact us about our Irresistible Profiles to help you find your dream date.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.

Julie Spira is a top online dating expert and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. She was an early adopter of online dating and has been helping singles find love on the Internet for 20 years. For more dating advice follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, join us for #DateChat on Thursdays at 5p/PT, 8p/ET, sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter, and visit our Facebook page.

Photo credit: Fotolia.com

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