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How to Tell Your Date You’re Not Interested Without Ghosting

For those of you who think dating is a numbers or a swiping game, it goes much deeper and more personal that. We’re talking about love, big time. How to find it, how to nurture it, and how to keep it.

Dating, especially online dating or using mobile dating apps, continues to grow in popularity, but what happens when you’ve had three of four dates with someone, have had a heavy making out session, or have even gotten more intimate physically, but something just doesn’t click?

Or, what happens when you realize that you have more chemistry with your ex and playing the field didn’t work out the way you had hoped?

In these cases, rather than do a disappearing act and ghost someone, I’m here with some valuable dating advice and to tell you to pick up your big boy pants or put on your shiny lipstick and tell the person you’ve been dating the truth, instead of fading away and ignoring calls and texts. After all, you were in a relationship, regardless of how you defined it.

via GIPHY

How the convo should go when you’re not feeling it

Text exchange

Your Date: I’d love to get together again this weekend. How’s Saturday night?

You: I don’t think that will work.

Your Date: What about Friday or Sunday?

RELATED: The Text Message Breakup: Who’s Doing It?

You: This weekend’s not good. Let’s hop on a phone call, sound good?

Your Date: Sure…

Phone Call (after just a few dates) or In Person (If you’re been dating for a while)

You: I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you and have had fun texting you, but I just don’t think we have enough in common for a long term relationship, and I know that’s what you’re looking for. You deserve that with someone. I just don’t think it’s me.

Your Date:  We’re just getting to know each other. We can continue to take the time to spend time together, to see where it goes. There’s no rush.

You: I think you’re terrific. I just don’t think we’re a fit and it’s best that we move on to meet others that we are both more compatible with.

Your Date: We can still date casually, right? I mean, I really like you.

You: I really like you too, but I don’t think we’re a fit. I see myself in a future with someone I’m more compatible with.  We both deserve to find someone that we’re both excited about and I wish you the best in your search.

RELATED: The Dating Expert Guide to Breaking Up

Now, you’re probably wondering why you should go through the agony of having this conversation, when it’s easier to just “unmatch” with him or her and go MIA? But everyone deserves to know why the person they were tongue kissing with has had a change of heart.

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Don’t turn your soon to be ex date into a stalker, over-texter, or obsessive person looking for an answer. Closure is important and healthy for both of you, so you can move on and find someone  that wouldn’t result in having this chat.

Don’t stalk your ex’s social media pages, as it will be harder for you to move on.

via GIPHY

Love takes time and if you’re not feeling it after a few dates, it’s fine to say you’d like to be friends, but most people don’t really mean it. It’s a sugar coated excuse for a breakup, something everyone deserves with dignity when you don’t ride into the sunset together.

Compatibility, chemistry, compassion, communication and closure are my five C’s for finding love in digital age.

RELATED: When it’s OK to Break Up in a Text

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam. xo

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of Internet dating and has been coaching singles on finding love online for over 20 years with her Irresistible Profiles dating services. Julie’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online and was the recipient of the 2017 Best Dating Coach of the Year Award.

For dating advice, FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.

SIGN UP for the FREE Weekly Flirt newsletter for dating advice delivered to your inbox.

Lawyers are the Most Desirable Jobs for Singles on Happn App

Happn Jobs
Thinking of going to law school? If love is on your mind, your odds of finding a date by joining a non-drinking bar are at the top of the list.

A survey from mobile dating app Happn analyzed 2.9 million users in the United States between April 1-11, 2017. They found that singles matched, or “crushed” with dating profiles of lawyers most often.

RELATED: Top 10 Mobile Dating Apps

Highest Ranking Matches Per Job Category

For both men and women, the desire to date an attorney ranked as number one in the top five list.

Other sexy professions of guys include being an Analyst, Engineer, Salesman, or Doctor. Happn’s list of the 5 most crushed women also include Designer, Teacher, Marketer, and Physician.

This list is a bit different from Tinder’s most popular jobs that received right swipes, where being a lawyer ranked lower at #11 for men, and didn’t appear on the list of most right swipes of women. Instead, being a Pilot ranked as the top spot for men, while being a Physical Therapist received the most right swipes on women’s profiles.

RELATED: These Jobs Will Get You the Most Right Swipes on Tinder

Tinder Jobs

Tinder’s Most Swiped Jobs Differed from Happn’s

According to Tinder, below being a Pilot, if you’re a  Founder/Entrepreneur, or Firefighter, you’re in the top 3 careers that will get more right swipes on male profiles. We get it. A Pilot can be sexy, but he won’t be around much. A Founder/Entrepreneur might be creative with a big bank balance, or at least some stock options, so he’s got long-term potential. A Firefighter or Doctor will save lives and can become your own personal hero. In short, women loved a man in a uniform.

As for the women, being a Physical Therapist tops the list as men are imagining her personal touch, somewhere, somehow, or anywhere. An Interior Designer was a bit surprising at number 2, but there’s something intimate about decorating a bedroom with candles and more. As far as number 3 is concerned, it’s enlightening to know that a man is interested in both beauty and brains, so kudos to those who want to date a smart and confident woman. Perhaps they’ll remember to leave the Board Room out of the bedroom.

Taking it a step further, Mashable released a list of most swiped jobs city-by-city to show there’s not a one-size-swipes all best job across the country.

For more dating advice, FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.

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Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating and Mobile Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of the Internet and has been coaching singles for over two decades with her Irresistible Profiles programs.

When It’s OK To Break Up in a Text

text message break up

I’ve always said it’s never acceptable to break up in a text message or email. It’s not even acceptable to breakup via phone if you live within driving distance of each other, or if you have plans to be together in person if you’re in a long distance relationship. It’s just too easy to break up these days.

If you cared enough to get naked with someone, you should give them the courtesy to end the relationship in a two-way dialog, and not in a digital monologue. That’s the rule of thumb, however research has shown that drive-by digital breakups via text are on the rise.

If you sleep with your phone by your bed, practically take it into the shower with you, and it’s attached at your hip, it’s become the accessory that pretty much runs your life. You can fall in love from the convenience of your mobile phone and you can end a relationship the same way.

But should you and would you?

Here’s my exception to the breakup by text rule.

If your relationship was a toxic and unhealthy one, or you’ve been lied to repeatedly, cheated on with actual evidence, not just a hunch, then why subject yourself to more lies and deception in a convo?

RELATED: The Text Message Breakup – Who’s Doing It?

If the person you’re involved with and are dating regularly, who you see every week, who calls and texts you every day has an identical relationship going on with someone else and you both think you’re exclusive, guess what? All bets are off. It’s about self-respect and self-protection at this point.

If you don’t want a confrontation and realize the relationship is not worth salvaging, before you draft that text, make a list of all the pros and cons of the relationship. Be very sure. Ask yourself how you’d like to be treated if the relationship wasn’t working out. If you had only a handful of dates, sending a quick text to say you’re not on the same page isn’t the end of the world.

On the other hand, if you’ve become deeply involved with his or her life, their family and friends, and have a full schedule of events together that you just can’t fathom attending, do the following.

  1. Draft that text and send it to yourself.
  2. Sleep on it.
  3. Run it by a close friend.
  4. Send it without expecting any response, or don’t send it if you might have a change of heart.
  5. Know that it’s over and be good with the decision (have no regrets).

Should we just end all relationships via text? Absolutely not. I’m just saying that there are times when you’re in a relationship that starts to get unhealthy that you need to think about yourself.

Maybe your bae ignores you and your texts. It could mean there’s cheating going on, excessive drinking, lying, all the things you wouldn’t want happening to your best friend. If they start happening to you and you see no way out, end it kindly and quickly. Wish the other person well.

RELATED: The Dating Expert Guide to Breaking Up

If you hear from them and they believe there’s been a misunderstanding, hear them out, but usually after you’ve slept on it, put together your pros and cons list of the relationship, you’ll soon see whether it’s worth salvaging or not. If you don’t hear from them, know that you made the right decision and be open to the possibilities of much better relationship, one that you deserve, one where the person adores and respects you to the point that you never have to question whether you should end it via text.

When it’s time to call it quits, do it with integrity. End it in person if you can. A phone call is the second choice. Texting or even ghosting isn’t the way it should go down, but if you do get ghosted, take the high road and don’t text over-and-over again to find out why.

RELATED: Confused, Is He Ghosting?

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the founder of Cyber-Dating Expert, and as an early adopter of Internet dating, has been helping singles find love online with her Irresistible Profiles coaching programs.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook for dating advice

SIGN UP for the FREE Weekly Flirt for dating advice delivered to your inbox

Quote of the Day

Quote of the Day

Today’s Quote is from Jeremy Taylor. Many of you have seen it before and it’s always worth sharing.

The power of love, friendship and passion are parts of the recipe for a great relationship. Always start with friendship, because no matter what obstacles come your way, friendship is the glue that keeps it all together.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam. xo

FOLLOW Online Dating Expert @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook.

SIGN UP for our Weekly Flirt newsletter for dating advice delivered to your inbox.

 

The Post-Valentine’s Breakup

Peril of the Week - The Valentine's Break UpIf you’re feeling a little down after Valentine’s Day, you’re not alone.

Relationships go through peaks and valleys, or seasons and years.

Most couples love new beginnings and take the time to fall in love with each other all over again, whether from traveling to new places, or going down memory lane to where they once met. The other option is calling it quits because someone thinks the grass could be greener, which usually isn’t the case, and they often find it’s temporary.

When your expectations for Valentine’s Day, or any major holiday for that matter are high, it can cause a bump on the road or a full on collision.

RELATED: Gone Fishing or Is it Over?

The famous Facebook breakup chart shows a little bump the day before and the day after Valentine’s Day, as breaking up on Valentine’s Day would be a cruel thing to do with someone you’ve been dating for a long time.

Facebook Breakup Chart

As you can see, the time from Valentine’s to Spring Break are peak times for couples to call it quits, so hold on to your helmets. This phase happens twice a year and it’s going on right now. If you can make it past Spring Break, chances are you’re relationship will last for at least another eight months.

RELATED: Peril of the Week: The Valentine’s Breakup

Whether your relationship was sliding downward for a while, or the ending came as a complete shock, you’re bound to be feeling sad or down right now if you find yourself in this situation. 

There’s a reason why “Spring Fever” sounds like an illness and why April Fool’s Day is on par with a Valentine’s breakup. I you can relate to this, I urge you to communicate with your partner before jumping to wrong conclusions and losing what you’ve built, forever.

If you’re single, had a disappointing Valentine’s Day, or are in the middle of a breakup or divorce, you might be suffering from post-Valentine’s blues.  You may wake up sad in the morning, feel hopeless, and never get the closure you need to move on in a healthy way.

RELATED: 7 Dating Tips for Spring Fever

On the Wellness Universe blog,  Bernadette Smith listed 7 things to do if you’re feeling down after Valentine’s Day. She included sending yourself a “sweetheart card” and mailing it to yourself as something you’d like to receive from someone who loves you, as well as asking someone to hold your box of chocolates in the line at the supermarket, then leave, thus giving them a chocolate gift from the heart. Do things that make you and others feel good. I found her tips empowering and heartwarming.

The main takeaway from the post is the importance of gratitude.

Every night before I go to sleep, I say out loud, the five people I am grateful for. This helps me sleep better at night with a smile on my face. I also have a wish pillow, where I have a handwritten note in it, describing the type of love I want in my life. I have manifested love and the so-called perfect guy, by visualizing how he looked and he magically appeared. On the road map to love, I’ve been though most of the phases, which helps me be a better dating coach to you and to singles starting over, or who are looking for love online and finding it difficult in the crowded digital playground.

We are at a time where love is being replaced by fear and we don’t have to accept that. I encourage and challenge all of you to bring back love to the top of your list, starting with that lipstick on the mirror that says, “I love you.”

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam.

If you need a little hand-holding, find out how our Irresistible Profiles will help you find love. We have helped so many singles through our coaching programs and want to give you hope and the tools to start over again.  Your next great relationship just might be a click or swipe away.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and is an award-wining dating coach. She’s been helping singles find love online for over 20 years.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram.

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10 Best U.S. Cities to Find Love This Year

Love knows no boundaries

“Love knows no reason, no boundaries, no distance. It has a sole intention of bringing people together to a time called forever.” ~Unknown

When I coach singles who are looking for love online, they limit themselves by searching maybe 15 miles from where they live. I actually had one client who only wanted to search 5 miles from Beverly Hills. When I reminded her that the airport was further than 5 miles away and she’d be happy to meet a cute guy on the plane, I convinced her to change her geographic parameters.

Whether you’re single and hoping to find your soulmate, or just want to find companionship and are open to having a long distance relationship, this list of the best cities from Zillow, may make you reconsider changing your zip code on your online dating profile, or widen the search parameters on your favorite mobile app.

See Infographic Below

RELATED: Digital Dating: Tips for Long-Distance Love

Best Cities for LoveZillow took a list of new single residents moving to a metropolitan city, their median income, and a peek at the number of spots that were good to meet a date per 10,000 residents.
The results were heavily weighed towards the East Coast and Mid-West, while the West Coast (Los Angeles, San Francisco and San Diego) didn’t make it to the list this year.

Here’s where you should consider moving to, if your job and family aren’t tying you to the city you reside in.

  • Boston, MA –  This collegiate city has 66% of singles, with 159 date spots.
  • New Orleans, LA – Not just a Mardi Gras party town, they’ve ranked at 59% of singles.
  • Indianapolis, IN – Even on a non- racing day, this town has 56% of singles with 30 date spots.
  • Richmond, VA – Known for their street art, this city has 54% of singles with 30 date spots.
  • Louisville, KY – Headed to the Derby? Maybe you’ll want to stay, with 54% of singles and 29 date spots.
  • Memphis, TN – A visit to Graceland might convince you to hang around longer, with 57% of singles and 20 date spots.
  • Providence, RI – Little Rhode Island’s Capitol has 53% of singles and 49 date spots.
  • Cleveland, OH – Cleveland rocks, plus they have 53% of singles and 27 date spots.
  • Las Vegas, NV – The former “Sin City” has become a hot place with the best restaurants around. Plus they’ve got 54% of singles and 21 date spots.
  • Milwaukee, WI – A visit to Lake Michigan might find you one of 53% of singles at 25 date spots.

Zillow, who’s in the real estate business, reports that the majority of new home owners are married. So my advice is to cast a wide net before you put a ring on it, or decide to couple up and go house hunting.

RELATED: Would You Move for  Love?

FOLLOW Online Dating Expert @JulieSpira on  Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook

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Zillow - Best Cities for Love

Julie Spira speaks to Dr. Drew Midday – Do Millenials Really Date?

Dr. Drew Match Study

 

 

 

 

 

It was a fun and informative radio show interview on Dr. Drew Midday Live with Mike Catherwood on KABC Radio in Los Angeles.

Drew, Mike and I spoke about all the juicy details on the Mach.com’s 7th Annual Singles in America Survey. Our segment is 20:25 minutes in, to hear the playback.

LISTEN HERE TO DR. DREW MIDDAY LIVE ON KABC

Transcript

Dr. Drew:  We’re going to go out to Julie Spira now. She’s a national online dating expert. Match.com has their 7th Singes in America Survey. Julie Thanks for joining us.

Julie: Hi! Happy to be here guys.

Dr. Drew: So what does this survey teach us?

Julie: A lot more than any of the others. I have monitored all of the Singles in America studies, but this was one was a biggie the 7th. Anything from millennials’ attitudes towards sex, politics, feminism, you name it. So this was was really talking about things that. Online dating addiction.

Dr. Drew: Oh I saw that.

Julie: People are addicted to online dating.

Dr. Drew: 15% say they are addicted to the process of online dating. Are they also addicted to going on the dates and finding the dates and meeting different people?

READ MORE: Help! My Friends Say I’m Addicted to Online Dating

Julie: Well I think the good part is they actually do go on the dates and meeting people, but they’re overwhelmed by the process. In the results, some have a little burn out and they need to take a break.  But at the end of the day, it’s very very efficient. With over 50% of singles have created an online dating profile, so say so long to that old stigma.

Dr. Drew: There is another sort of bit of this data that caught so wind this morning and that is 1 3 singles said they had sex before their first date and they’re 48% more likely to have had sex before the first date than all the other generations. And that some people interpreting as the millennials feeling that sex was sort of an interview to determine if they want to date. And I said, that might be the data but it’s missing the point, which is that millennials don’t really date. If they’re going to quote dating, they’re going to have to have a relationship, so sex is the way of leading into the relationship.

Mike: Why am I as old as I am?

Julie: I look at it as digital foreplay. If they’re having sex before they’re meeting, they’re obviously sexting and  if that’s the qualifier to say now I’m willing to meet you in person because now I think we’re in a relationship, I find that a little of concern. I really do. The old fashioned courtship..

Dr. Drew: Courtship is gone. We have to call it something else because they recoil against that. I think we should call it an assessment process or something. They need to have the capacity to assess people but Julie hold on, I need to talk to my partner here. Why do we need to assess?

Mike: Why is it that courtship will be gone? By no means am I a super-refined guy, or the pinnacle of gentlemanly behavior. I took pride in opening the doors for women, taking them out on a date and bringing them flowers.

Dr. Drew: That’s different than courtship. I have to take a break, but Julie, I want to address this issue of courtship. By the way, the twitter handle for you?

Julie: @JulieSpira and CyberDatingExpert.com.

Dr. Drew: That’s j-u-l-ie-s-p-i-r-a, but Mike, the reason you’re as old as you are is because you were not partaking in all of this, for if you were partaking in all of this, you wouldn’t make it out alive.

Mike: ….All joking aside, I might have started to proceed into, grow into much more dangerous behavior.

Dr. Drew:  Oh, it would have been part of the addictive process.

Mike: I had numerous partners a day, commonly, without tinder. Before Tinder was even invented. Can you imagine if I could order a ho like pizza?

READ MORE: Match Singles in America Study Says Put Your Phone Away

Dr. Drew: Midday Live Dr. Drew With Mike Catheter. We’re talking on 790 KABC and we’ll be back with Julie Spira and the Match survey after this.

Dr. Drew: Let’s go back to Julie Spira. She’s a Match Online Dating Expert. Julie, what is your website again?

Julie: It’s CyberDatingExpert.com

Dr. Drew: Courtship. So why have we expunged courtship? I remember back when I was a youth. It was sort of not cool. The whole idea in the 50s we were specifically rebelling against. And then against now, we have just never recovered from that. And it’s just continuing to deteriorate and then here the three of us are going, “courtship is important.” Why are we not doing that?

Julie: I think people are doing that. We’re finding the boomers are still opening the doors, grabbing that bill first, and picking up the phone and actually calling somebody to go on a date instead of relying solely on their mobile phones.

Dr. Drew: Texting. Yeah. And the millennials are all over the place too. Not all of them are necessarily even dating. Not a lot of them are even having sex compared to previous generations. And when they are, they’re doing it sometimes in sort of aggressive, I don’t mean aggressive in sort of the act, but aggressive in the sense of tactics. So it’s hard to figure out. I’ve been going to college campuses for years and saying, “Please restore courtship. Whatever you want to call it. Restore something where there’s an assessment process, no?

Julie: I agree and the good news is it’s not all doomsday. It is good news. 81% of the singles surveyed said they were interested in finding a romantic partner, a romantic love. Love is alive and well. We’re just looking at millennials, who in my opinion aren’t sure whether they’re hanging out or on a date.

Mike: We definitely saw that in the end of love line where how many guys were confused on where they stood with the girls. Like wildly confused.

Dr. Drew: What do you mean?

Julie: They don’t know how to define dating. Did you ask her on a date? Did you pay for the bill?

READ MORE: Are We Dating Or Just Hanging Out?

Mike: We’ve never actually been in the same room together, but we’re in love. That was a lot of guys, or they would hang out with a girl and she maybe just had pure intentions of being friendly. They liked each others’ company and he thought they were boyfriend and girlfriend. That happened all the time. I got a very clear message when I was 20. But I also took aggressive tactics as well.

Dr. Drew: Oh really? Talk to us about that as well. What happened?

Mike: I don’t think we want to talk about that. Drew, I told you my tactics.

Dr. Drew: I know. (laughing). I just realized it. We can’t talk about it on the air. You know Mike, I think things are improving. To be fair, I guess you were a lone ranger with that stuff.

Mike: I was. I was a rogue warrior

Dr. Drew: Alright. Any other data we want to focus in on here Julie before we let you go?

Julie: Well I think it’s really important to talk a little about FOMO. The fear of missing out. Social media is really causing a lot of anxiety for singles and they’re afraid to post a photo unless they look absolutely gorgeous, because everything is about the photos. I find that really interesting because social media anxiety disorder is something I talk about a lot. So if you feel anxious about social media, take an unplugging day and go back to it the next day.

Dr. Drew: That’s interesting. Yes. Social Media Anxiety Disorder. One day it will be a diagnostic. Because you have anxiety when you don’t use it, you have anxiety when you do use it, you have anxiety for fear of missing out when you’re on it, yeah, it’s really good for mental health.

Julie: Who doesn’t count how many likes they have after posting a photo?

Dr. Drew: Alright Julie. Thank you so much again. @JulieSpira is the Twitter handle, correct? Twitter and Instagram @JulieSpira and of course the website CyberDatingExpert.com, where’s there’s a whole ton of free dating advice, so take a peek.

Mike: Let me just say,  I found this conversation very In-SPIRA-ing.

Julie: Oh I love that, thank you.

LISTEN TO THE FULL SEGMENT HERE

READ ABOUT THE MATCH SINGLES IN AMERICA SURVEY HERE

 

Match Singles in America Study Says Put Your Phone Away

Online Dating Anxiety Disorder

Every year, our friends at Match conduct an in-depth survey of singles to determine their habits in a variety of topics.

In the 7th annual Singles in America study, released for Valentine’s, the dating site surveyed 5000 singles and showed that many suffer from FOMO (fear of missing out) on social media, and that some are addicted to the process that I call Online Dating Anxiety Disorder, or ODAD.

On the Match blog, they posted their findings and found that 15% of singles say they feel addicted to the process of looking for a date. It gets worse for millennials, where they are 125% more likely to feel addicted to dating, than older generations.

Singles in America - ODAD

RELATED: Online Dating Anxiety Disorder: Is it Worse During the Holidays?

What’s interesting to note, is that men suffer more from online dating addiction, with 97% admitted to feeling addicted to finding a date, as compared to 54% of women who are feeling burned out while looking for love.

What is Online Dating Disorder, and Do You Have it?

Online dating anxiety disorder, online dating addition disorder, or even online dating fatigue. I call it ODAD and it happens to singles who swipe all day long on mobile apps and to those with the shopping cart mentality who feel there’s another pretty face around the corner. When this happens, I encourage singles to take a break, take a walk, go to the movies, and leave your mobile phone at home.

RELATED: Holiday Dating Online: Does it Make You Anxious?

If this feels like a dating doomsday story, that’s not exactly the case. The good news is over half (53%) of singles have created a dating profile and 40% of singles actually met someone they found online, as compared to 25% of singles surveyed who said they met someone from a friend.

So if you’re feeling burned out on dating and tired of swiping, my best advice to you is to take a mini break. Spend time with your friends, read a good book, have a girls’ or guys’ night out and then jump back on the digital dating saddle and log on for love.

Leave Your Mobile Phone OFF the Table During a Date

Single in America Match Phones
Source: SinglesinAmerica.com

Remember, your mobile phone is really for emergencies if you’re on a date, or for confirming a date with someone, other than the person you’re sitting across from. Keep that phone in your purse and pocket and focus on getting to know your date. The Match survey found that 75% of singles are turned off if you answer your phone on a date and 66% aren’t keen on you texting during a date.

While this seems to make common sense, one of the biggest complaints I get from clients as a dating coach, is that their date was texting and tweeting during the date. Don’t do this. Put your phone away!

If you happen to love your meal and can’t resist taking a photo for your instagram account, ask permission from your date to do so, instead of just snapping away. Let your date know you’re a foodie and love the meal in front of you. This way he or she will be pleased on the selection of the date and won’t feel like they are lower on the dating totem pole than your not-so-smart phone.

For more on the survey visit SinglesinAmerica.com.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert and has been coaching singles on finding love online with her Irresistible Profiles programs for over 20 years. Julie’s the recent winner of the 2017 iDate Awards for Best Dating Coach and is the author of the bestseller The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online and ranks as the most influential person in social media in “dating” and “online dating.”

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook. SIGN UP for the Free Weekly Flirt newsletter for dating advice.

Valentine’s Day for Women is Like the Super Bowl for Men

Valentine's Day versus the Super BowlIt’s officially Super Bowl week and Valentine’s Day is two weeks from today.

As we count down the days to Super Bowl 51 (LI) at NRG Stadium in Houston. Stadium, whether you’re rooting for the New England Patriots or the Atlanta Falcons, one thing is for sure, it’s going to be an emotional and exciting two weeks for both men and women alike.

Women often wonder if men hate Valentine’s Day and are sending roses and buying them chocolate just to stay out of the doghouse.  Men want to know if the girls are authentically cheering for their favorite team and if they really like sports at all, or are they there just to see Lady Gaga perform in the half time show.

In other words, most men don’t want to be distracted by women while watching the game, unless they’re viewing the cheerleaders on TV.  Guys wait all year for this day and romance is put on hold until one team gets the ring.

This year, the Super Bowl Sunday and Valentine’s Day are nine days apart. Some decide to celebrate the holiday over the weekend before, on February 10-12th and others pony up the price fixe menu at a romantic restaurant, because they know if you’re not together on Valentine’s Day, there will be an explosion, and it won’t be when you’re under the sheets.

Valentine’s Day is the Super Bowl of Dating

I’ve gone on record as saying the Valentine’s Day for Women is like the Super Bowl for Men. It’s a double-header, so enjoy the ride. Most guys won’t even make a dinner reservation or ask a girl out until after Super Bowl Sunday. I encourage you not to wait until the last minute to ask your date to be your Valentine, or you might find out that she’s made other plans.

RELATED: Valentine’s Countdown: How to Land a Date

Here’s my side-by-side comparison of the Super Bowl and Valentine’s.

Super Bowl Sunday is a sacred day for most American men. It’s showtime as most guys count down the days, hours, and even minutes to their favorite television day of the year.

Meanwhile, across the hall, women have their own favorite holiday to think about, Valentine’s Day. With these two major events just over one week apart, it’s obvious that the Super Bowl for men is revered in the same way as Valentine’s Day is for women. Whether you’re a sports fan or a hopeless romantic, comparing the two will help you understand how important these days are for the opposite sex.

Why do I think the Super Bowl for men is like Valentine’s Day for women?

Quite simply, both men and women put all of their emotional energies into these two bigger-than-life events. Often, a woman doesn’t understand why watching two teams trying to score is so important to her guy. He just can’t miss this game. It’s the end of the season and the two best teams go for the ring.

Guys on the other hand, simply don’t understand that if you’re dating a woman and forget to plan something, just anything, for Valentine’s Day, you probably won’t get a date with her on February 15th, or any day after. Guys, if you’re playing the field on mobile dating apps or flirting on Tinder and Bumble, if you don’t ask our your digital crush, you lose. Game over.

Men wait all year for the Super Bowl, this big day in television. Women wait for Valentine’s Day, with the hope that their special guy will either propose, offer to take his online dating profile down, or say I love you for the first time. Women even secretly hope that the guy they are dating might want to change his Facebook status from ‘Single’ to ‘In a Relationship.’ It’s on the digital wish list for women, period.

Are you Prepared for Super Bowl and Valentine’s Day?

Men are very prepared for the Super Bowl. They decide which venue to view the game at and with whom they would like to spend watching the teams battle it out. Women like to be prepared. They start giving little hints out a month in advance about their favorite romantic restaurant, post photos of jewelry or trinkets on instagram and facebook, all with the hope the the guy they’re dating will take the cue and book a reservation before their favorite eatery is fully booked.

However in contrast, when a man’s favorite team loses the Super Bowl, he will be disappointed, but will get over it. He’ll know there’s another chance next year and will spend the entire football season rooting for his team. If a woman’s favorite beau, or someone she is dating ,doesn’t ask her out for Valentine’s Day, she won’t get over it. Expect a breakup or a big confrontation.

RELATED: 10 Valentine’s Date Ideas that Won’t Break the Bank

She’ll assume he’s romancing another woman and will know she’s not on the top of his list. Chances are, his shelf life as her “number one guy” will immediately expire. Unless he’s out of town on business or in a long-distance relationship, he won’t get another chance to romance her. No woman wants to be at the bottom of the dating totem pole, especially on Valentine’s Day. Expect to be unfriended, or don’t be surprised if she doesn’t return your phone calls or texts.

So whether you like football or not, love or hate Valentine’s Day, remember to talk to the person you are dating about what these days mean to both of you. If you’re single, use this opportunity to accept all invitations for both the Super Bowl and Valentine’s singles mixers. Even if your team loses and you’re dateless on the 14th, you’ll be casting a wider net and expanding your social circle.

Go ahead and accept that Super Bowl party invitation. If you’re single, you just might find a date in time for Valentine’s as well. It’s a win-win for everyone. If you need help with your profile or online dating advice, we’re here to help.

Related: Social Media Rules for Valentine’s Day

Which team will you be rooting for this Super Bowl and do you love, or hate Valentine’s Day?

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. For more dating advice follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram.

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Thanksgiving Love

Thanksgiving Heart

It’s Thanksgiving week and many of you are headed to the airport or are packing your bags to visit friends, family, and loved ones.

Thanksgiving is an emotional time for many. It’s the big holiday leading up to even bigger holidays. It’s Cuffing Season, where couples are changing their relationship statuses and taking down their profiles.

The stores are filled with holiday ornaments and everyone should be filled with gratitude, right?

Often we look for things that aren’t working in our lives. We compare ourselves to others’ Facebook updates and force a cheery smile when out and about.

Maybe your career isn’t on track. Maybe your relationship is uncertain. Maybe you’re suffering from a recent breakup or can’t get over an ex. All of these feelings and more are very real. The get magnified big time at the holidays.

Thanksgiving has always been one of my favorite holidays of the year. There have been some Thanksgiving holidays that I wished I could have stay under the covers, but I got over it.

Still, it’s a time to pause and think about those in your life. The memories that still bring a smile to your face, the possibilities of the future, and most importantly, think about living in the present right now. As I embark on a road trip to visit my family for Thanksgiving, I thought I’d share 10 things I’m grateful for this Thanksgiving and hope that you chime in with your gratitude list as well.

10 Things I’m Grateful for This Thanksgiving

  • I’m spending it with my happily married parents.
  • I have a huge girlfriend network online and IRL, who I consider my extended family.
  • I have a boyfriend, who I adore, who gets me and is the love of my life.
  • I live in a beautiful place near the ocean in sunny California.
  • I enjoy daily walks around boats and the water and watch sunsets over the Pacific.
  • I have helped so many singles find love and have been responsible for many marriages.
  • I’m friends with many of my ex’s and we think of each other fondly.
  • I work out with an amazing trainer to keep my mind, body, and soul all in shape.
  • I’ve built a multi-media brand about dating, love, and romance.
  • I stay true to my heart and soul and always come from a genuine place of authenticity.

All in all, I’m healthy, happy, and appreciate every moment of this journey called life.

Gratitude can change your day, your moments and add more joy to your life. So grab your gratitude journal or start one day. Sneak a note into your wish pillow. Grab your mobile phone and create a list.  Know that the possibilities are endless!

What are you grateful for today?

Please take a moment and make your list. You might be surprised at the results.

On this Thanksgiving, I wish you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo

Follow me @JulieSpira on Twitter for Dating Advice

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