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It’s Cuffing Season. What Does That Mean for Singles?

Cuffing SeasonCuffing Season is Here

Bundle up! The leaves are turning colors, fall is officially here, it’s getting chilly outside, and singles and couples alike are starting to think about curling up with someone special for the holidays.

This is what happens in the fall. It becomes ‘Cuffing Season,’ when the desire to couple up for the holidays is at an all time high.

What is Cuffing Season?

Cuffing season starts in the fall when the weather starts to change, kids go back to school, and summer romances fizzle out. Suddenly you’ll notice friends of yours who claim to be forever single appearing at a party with a significant other or new boyfriend or girlfriend. Others will flock to online dating sites to hope to connect with someone for the holidays. To be honest here, it’s a busy time for singles looking for love online as they imagine kissing under the mistletoe with someone special or toasting a glass of bubbly on New Year’s.

In thinking back to my past, I can honestly say that I’ve witnessed several relationships fail in the fall and new ones become solidified by November.  Did they know it was ‘Cuffing Season?’ Probably not.

So my friends and tweethearts, as a dating and relationship expert and coach, I encourage you to take the covers off your head, go out with a big smile on your face and be approachable, as it really can be an exciting time for love. Sipping hot toddies or hot chocolate by the fireplace is a visual you just might want to be a participant in. Party invites from business networking events are starting to pile in, so RSVP and fill up your date card.


It’s time to embrace the month we are to be the most thankful for with Thanksgiving around the corner. Time is speeding fast and there are plenty of singles that will be excited to have you in their life.

If you’re in a toxic relationship or one that makes you anxious or are walking on eggshells, it’s time to get out. Staying in a bad relationship for the holidays just prevents you from finding someone more compatible to create new memories with. The possibilities are endless!

If you need any hand holding, check out our Irresistible Profiles packages to help speed up your search.

Happy Cuffing Season.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo
~Julie and the Cyber-Dating Expert Team

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She has been helping singles find love on the Internet for over 20 years. Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and instagram for dating advice and sign up for the Free Weekly Flirt newsletter.


What Happens to Relationships When Summer Ends

text end of summer on beach

Summer Love Affairs

From teenage crushes to boomers with empty nests, something odd happens around Labor Day weekend for many relationships. When you hit the 3-month mark, the honeymoon phase, it’s common to see a shift. It may be a tell tale sign that your relationship can’t go the distance, or you just might be getting tested for the next phase.

For those flying solo, the end of summer can be a reflective time thinking about your relationship status as you head into the holiday season, kicking off with Labor Day.

When summer is over, wardrobes change in closets, the temperature starts to dip, and inevitably a summer romance, one that went from Memorial Day to Labor Day, often runs its course. It’s often a time where relationships fall by the wayside. Before you call it quits, read this entire post to determine if your relationship is worth saving. If you’re already single, then I have good news for you. You’ll be in good company with many others who are looking for someone just like you and this weekend will be hopping digitally, big time.

Also, with students leaving for college, some students will find themselves in a long-distance relationship, which has its own set of challenges.

Single parents with children going back to school, will find their calendars split between parent-teacher meetings and filling up their date cards. It’s a new season, so get ready for the ride.

If you’re logging on to dating sites more often this weekend, you’re not alone. Sunday will be a peak day of the holiday weekend for new sign ups and log ins for singles who’d like to change their status to “In a Relationship” before the year is over.

Does a Change of Season Mean Your Relationship Has to End?

With the change of seasons, how do you know if you can handle a long distance relationship this fall? If your significant other is still in town, how do you know if your passionate summer love was just a fling or the real thing?

If you notice your relationship is tapering off as we lead into Labor Day, should you part ways as friends now that summer is over and wish each other well, or sign up for another season of love? These I can guarantee you are questions that you will be asking yourself. I suggest you take the time to really think about the next relationship stage.

Related: How to Handle the Dreaded Pull Back

The Four Seasons of a Long Term Relationship

I’ve always said that long-term relationships should go through multiple seasons to determine if you’re compatible with your significant other or not. Yes, winter, spring, summer and fall. All of them, each with their unique beauty and differences can help you pass the test of time.

First Three Months

As cliché as it sounds, we know there is some validity to the three-month honeymoon phase. At first, you’ll find everything about the other person to be exciting. It’s like having a first crush all over again. From giggles and hiccups to their exercise regime, you just suck it all in like a sponge that won’t dry out in those early days, especially in a summer romance. All those cute text messages are becoming part of your daily regime. It gives you a high just to hear the customized sound of your partner’s text tone.

When these relationships peak in the summer, it’s often hard to tell whether it’s lust or love with all of the outdoor heat, but oddly, as the summer ends, it’s not unusual to start receiving less text messages from your beau, or to want to spend more time with your friends instead. The days in between getting together seem to be getting longer while the days start to become shorter. The routine of your love life just isn’t as exciting as it used to be.

Months 3-6

During months 3-6, the “imperfect stage,” don’t be surprised if your single friends see your steady sweetie’s profile reactivated online. He or she may just be fishing to see who else might send a text or email, even if they aren’t setting up any dates. Then a Facebook check in mysteriously appears when someone is supposed to be home sick and boom, they’re busted and you’re in tears. During this phase, you should be enjoying time with each others’ friends and family to see how everyone fits in, or not.

If you can relate to these feelings or sequence of events, the problem may not be with the calendar, but more often-than-not be related to serious commitment issues that one of you may be struggling with.

The next think you know, someone isn’t sure if they’re feeling it anymore. Rather than be honest about the relationship, they’re cultivating conversations on Facebook with high school or college pals to create distance, and the trust dissipates. It’s the beginning of the end and it hurts big time.

Weather changes, months change, routines change and even those relationships with the best of intentions run their course. At the end of the summer, it’s like the end of the calendar year. People reevaluate their relationship statuses and decide whether to renew for another three months.

Related: What to Do When He Pulls Back

By months 6-9 and 9-12, you’re probably in a committed relationship. You’ve defined the relationship and might even talk about moving in together or the future.  This doesn’t mean you won’t feel a shift at the end of the summer. It might be just a bump on the road, but it’s a time to review your relationship status and see if you’re on the same page.

What to Do if Your Summer Romance is Fading

If you feel a distance growing between the two of you, this is what you need to do.

Have the conversation first with your partner sooner, rather than later.

Don’t toss away the relationship so quickly. Acknowledge all of the amazing things you’ve done together as a couple and honor the memories you’ve shared. Ask the other person if there’s anything they can do to keep the relationship alive. Space apart isn’t the end of the world, or even the end of your relationship. Often someone needs some time to miss the other and pulls back to regain their sense of self and individuality.  Remember, bumps on the road are an opportunity for personal growth within a relationship, and are not necessarily the beginning of the end.

Say goodbye gracefully.

If at the end of your conversation, you feel you aren’t compatible or if someone has already strayed, wish each other well before you start logging on or swiping right on your mobile apps looking for a replacement.

If it’s really over, it’s important to mourn the loss of your relationship, because your friendship, bond and the daily connectivity will abruptly end. Trying to get together immediately as friends during this emotional time is not a good idea. It will backfire. There’s no such thing as a mutual breakup where everyone is happy. One person might think it will lessen their guilt. I’m here to tell you that it won’t. You fell in love with someone for a reason, not a season.

Related: Time to Let Go of Your Ex

Take a breather and make time for you!

If you find that your summer love has ended, don’t reactivate your online dating profile or mobile dating apps for at least a week. Sure it’s great for your ego to get people lining up to meet you for dates, but it isn’t fair for someone new not to get the best version of you. Dating while you’re still pining away for your ex can increase your sadness. You’re a walking-wounded person and it’s healthy to take a break.

Can you Really be Friends with Your Ex?

Some people stay friends with their ex’s and have no problem with it, but I can tell you it doesn’t happen seamlessly and instantly. My ex-boyfriend is one of my best friends, but it took time to get to that point and we had a serious talk about boundaries. Also the guy I originally wrote this article about three years ago just sent a text over Labor Day weekend, after disappearing many years ago.

After enough time has gone by and you both have moved on with other relationships, it’s possible to be friends with your summer romance in another season, but in my experience, you truly need at least three to six months to segue a romantic relationship into a real friendship (without benefits or jealousy).

But then again, do you really want to be friends with someone who broke your heart?

If you’re ready to find a serious relationship, contact us now for our Labor Day Special of 20% off Irresistible Profiles  and become one of our many success stories!

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam. xo

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and founder of Cyber-Dating Expert. She’s the author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating and creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating advice follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram. Sign up for the free Weekly Flirt.

20 Tips from Female Dating CEOs at Silicon Beach Fest

Silicon Beach Fest Dating CEOs

Photo: Left to right: Jennifer Kelton, Kelly Steckelberg, Talia Goldstein, Julie Spira

Dating and looking for love? In case you missed it Silicon Beach Fest, it was an honor and joy to put together the first-ever Female Dating CEO panel for a lively discussion on the dating industry, relationships, and tips for online dating profiles and safe dating.

The panelists included some of the busiest women running dating and matchmaking companies, who took the time to collaborate on an informative panel and answered questions from the audience.

Collectively our businesses represented 30 years of dating industry, matchmaking, mobile apps, and coaching experience. We talked about the big elephant in the room, Tinder, and how it has affected our businesses as well as your dating experience.

Here are some of the advice we dished at SBF16.


Kelly Steckelberg, CEO of Zoosk and Lively Mobile App

Jennifer Kelton, CEO of Bad Online Dates and BOD Dating App

Talia Goldstein, CEO of Three Day Rule, a Matchmaking Company

Julie Spira, CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert and Online Dating Expert

Kelly Steckelberg - ZooskKelly’s Top 5 Tips from Zoosk:

  • Use a full body shot as your primary photo, as you’re 200% more likely to get responses to your messages.
  • You will get 50% fewer responses if the primary photo is a group photo. (Guys will wonder, which one are you?)
  • No pets in your primary photo.
  • Talk about yourself and what’s interesting about you, not about what you’re looking for in that person.
  • Use Spellcheck. The Zoosk study about grammar and spelling showed it had a huge effect on success rate.

Jennifer KeltonJennifer’s Top 5 Tips from BOD Dating App:

  • Grammar, grammar, grammar! No matter how good looking they are, grammar matters.
  • Be authentic in who you are. You’ve gotta keep it real. You don’t need to have your profile be a dissertation, but don’t put something out there that’s not genuine.
  • Don’t post bathroom selfies or a photo of a party scene. I realize that I’m probably not going to have a lot in common with that person.
  • You’ve got to think about safety first. Don’t ever meet somebody not in public, even after a few dates.
  • Don’t post selfies in the steamy bathroom mirror. Find a friend to take your photos.

talia goldstein Talia’s Top 5 Tips from Three Day Rule

  • Women need to be proactive and reach out to men.
  • Don’t post “distractor” photos where you are looking at almost everything in the photo, but the person (maybe they’re hiding behind a leaf).
  • Don’t post a mysterious other man or woman. The person viewing the profile will wonder, is this your husband or brother?
  • Do be chivalrous and open a door.
  • The League’s recent study said women wearing white dresses do well in the app, as well as men wearing suits.

Julie Spira Cyber Dating ExpertJulie’s Top 5 Tips from Cyber-Dating Expert

  • Ditch the little black dress and wear red in your profile. It’s the color of love, romance, and men view and write to women more often wearing red.
  • Don’t post goofy photos wearing a gorilla suit. Leave that for Comic Con.
  • Don’t get hung up on someone’s weight, height or distance.
  • Check out your potential date’s photos in to see if they match who they are.
  • Use social media to verify if your date looks the same and see if you have friends in common. Ask your friends if they will give the thumbs up or down on your date.

Follow our panelists on Twitter @zoosk @badonlinedates @threedayrule @JulieSpira

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PokéDates Launched to Help Pokémon Go Fans. Here’s How it Works

Pokemon Go PokeDatesIt was inevitable. Pokémon Go fans now have a dating site to meet other fans. Created by Project Fix Up, PokéDates will help you connect outside to others with similar interests.

Here’s how it works and what to do get started with this dating site.

  1. Select Pickup Preferences. This is where you state your sex, age, preference on who to date, height, college, religion, and just how picky you are or aren’t.
  2. Fix up:  Weaknesses. List the things that make you swoon. From cooking, to romantic, to muscular arms. You get the idea.
  3. Fix up: Deal Breakers. Hate a smoker, list it. Mean to restaurant staff, say so. Is in a relationship and looking for a hookup, take a pass.
  4. Select Themes. Let people know what kind of fix ups you’d like to go on from a list of photos. Selections include: coffee, whiskey, craft beer, craft cocktails, dive bars, desserts, wine, and of course PokeDates.
  5. Make it Social. To keep the social in PokeDates, you can agree to going out in a group instead of just a one-on-one date.
  6. About You. This is where you check off your hobbies and passions. From stating you’re a smoker or non-smoker to your political belief, check off as many as you can to get the best match.
  7. Upload a minimum 3 Photos. You’ll be allowed to post more than three, but they (and we) recommend at least three photos.

Once your profile is completed, they’ll ask you to reconfirm your email and verify you via text and you’re set to go. They’ll review your profile (we like that) to keep the site safe.

PokéDate is free to join, but once they create a fix up for you, you’re charged at $20 for your date. If you use the promo code of Project Fixup is offering first dates for free with the promo code of “POKEDATES2016,” you’ll get your first date free.

So get ready to share your score and level on Pokémon go with someone with similar passions.

Happy Poké Dating.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert. She’s a bestselling author internationally known dating coach who has been helping singles find love online for over two decades.

For dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook

Sign up for the free Weekly Flirt.

Quote of the Day

Our Quote of the Day comes from the inspirational Louise Hay. Never give up hope and keep logging in while looking for love online.

“Somewhere, someone is looking for exactly what you have to offer.”

Quote of the Day

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo

Follow Online Dating Expert and dating coach @JulieSpira on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram and sign up for our Free Weekly Flirt for dating advice.

They’re Engaged! – Steven and Melissa

They're Engaged - Cyber Dating ExpertMeet Steven and Melissa who met offline, but quickly fell in love and started seeing each other almost every day. After a month and a half of dating, Melissa ended their relationship, thinking he might not be the right person to be a father figure for her three children. Steven was heartbroken.

To make matters worse, Melissa ghosted Steven and stopped returning his calls and texts, unfriended him on Facebook and went her own way.

Steven was convinced that she was ‘the one’ and reached out to us while looking for a dating coach and expert to help get his girlfriend back. While no one can wave a magic wand and make someone return to their ex, we knew we could take a stab at it and came up with a strategy in our Irresistible Dating Coaching program for Steven to give it one last try.

Flash forward three months and the couple got back together and Steven proposed marriage to Melissa. Melissa said YES!

We are so thrilled to have helped this couple reunite after the ghosting episode and they are excited about their future together.

In Steven’s words, “Everything is wonderful and I want to thank you for everything. We’re madly in love and I couldn’t be happier.”

Congratulations to Steven and Melissa on your engagement. We wish you much love and joy in this new chapter of your life.

For dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.

Find out how our Irresistible Profiles and Irresistible Coaching programs will help you find your dream date.


Moving From Best Friends to In a Relationship

Relationship and dating adviceDear Julie,

I’ve read your post, Dating Advice: Are we Dating or Just Hanging Out? and I want to ask you about my relationship situation.

My best friend and I just admitted we have feelings for each other. We have discussed what would happen if we did have a relationship and that we’ll remain best friends. He asked me what this makes us. I don’t know how to respond. I was going to say that we are just “us”. No labels just yet. I’m shy when it comes to relationships and I don’t really like other people knowing because I feel judged. I don’t want to call him my boyfriend yet and we aren’t “dating”. Are we just seeing each other?

Hi Autumn,

Some of the best relationship start as friends first, so you’re probably off to a good start.

There’s no need for a label until you start dating officially. Then you’re “dating.” Once you decide to become exclusive, it’s fair to say you’re “seeing each other.”

Eventually you might want to start calling him your boyfriend, but relationship labels don’t matter as much as feelings and if you’re on the same page.

A lot of people get hung up on having the DTR (Define the Relationship) talk and it can make or break a relationship if it happens at the wrong time.

Related: Dating Labels: Why Won’t He Call Me His Girlfriend?

As long as you have continuity in your relationship, keep communicating about your feelings, and are both happy with the pace, keep open to the possibilities of where it will lead. There’s no need to change your Facebook relationship status to make a big announcement. At some point, one of you might want it to become more serious than the other or you may just say you want to go back to friends. Time will tell.

I applaud you for admitting your true feelings and hope this relationship evolves into something that makes you both happy.

Keep me posted!


Do you have a dating, online dating, or relationship question? Submit your questions here to be answered in our Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert column.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert. She was an early adopter of the Internet and has been coaching singles on finding love for over two decades.  For more dating advice, let’s stay social and FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook. Sign up for the FREE Weekly Flirt newsletter for specials and relationship advice.

Do you want to read our bestselling dating book? The newly revised edition is available on Kindle on Amazon, Barnes and Noble Nook, and in an audio book on Audible!



Julie Spira on Chicago’s WCKG Radio with Eddie Volkman

Eddie Volkman - WCKGOn Wednesday, June 8th at 6p/CT, I’ll be a guest with Eddie Volkman on WCKG Radio in Chicago.

Eddie and I had such a blast last time I was on the show, that I’ve been invited back for a lively discussion on dating in the digital age.

We’ll be talking about finding summer love, as Match is predicting the hottest day of the month will be June 27th for online dating.

From ghosting, the epidemic disappearing act, to the best tips for your online dating profile, and swiping right on mobile apps, we’ve got you covered with the best dating advice.

Tune in and listen LIVE or visit to listen to the live stream. Call in with your questions about dating, love and romance.

We’ll be live tweeting as well, so follow @EddieVolkman , @JulieSpira, and @WCKGChicago to join the conversation.


10 Summer Dating Ideas to Add a Spark to Your Romance

Big red Heart shape on sandy beach by the oceanIt’s almost summer and the street fairs and music festivals have already begun.

With Memorial weekend around the corner, it’s time to start thinking about fun things you can do with your date.

At Cyber-Dating Expert, we’ll help you with that magical spark with fireworks both online and offline.

Here are ten of the best summertime first date ideas for all relationship statuses.

Happy dating and enjoy the sunshine all summer long.


Ferris Wheel - Summer Date Ideas

1. Ride the Ferris Wheel.

Go to an amusement park and ride the Ferris Wheel or even the roller coaster, if you dare.


Festival concept.

2. Find a free outdoor concert.

Bring a picnic meal and a blanket and take in the sounds of local artists. Some museums and parks actually have well-known musicians.

Drive in movies dating ideas

3. Watch an outdoor movie.

While drive-in theaters have become obsolete, the trend of watching movies on a big screen at a shopping center or local park has become all the rage.

Bar-B-Q or BBQ

4. Barbecue.

Make sure to go grocery shopping together to spice up the date. Cooking together can be filled with laughter. Don’t forget to pick up chocolate, marshmallows, and graham crackers to make s’mores for dessert.

bike riding date

5. Go on a bike ride.

Make it more memorable by renting a bicycle built for two! Remember to take photos and of course, ask for permission before posting to Instagram.

Beach Yoga Date

6. Take a Beach Yoga Class.

Yoga is sexy on a date. Remember to bring your sunscreen. If you don’t live near a beach, check out the many outdoor classes in a park.

Chefs at work

7. Take a cooking Class.

Stores such as Sur le Table nationwide have cooking classes on their calendar. If you can’t find one near you, check out the local universities and colleges or a MeetUp group for foodies.

car icon set illustration

8. Snack at the Food Trucks.

Many neighborhoods have a food truck day. Find out which day or night they’ll be parked in your neighborhood. From the healthy green truck to a spicy Mexican cuisine, there’s a favorite truck for every type of palate.

Baseball heart

9. Go to a baseball game.

It’s the season for America’s favorite past time. Nibble on peanuts and Cracker Jack and enjoy the 7th inning stretch. Check the website for dates and times. Not in a baseball city, find a minor league game near you.

Zoo dating

10. Go to a zoo.

It’s fun to feed the animals at the zoo Take it a step further and walk into the petting zoo and spend time with the llamas and sheep.

Don’t forget to memorialize your fun outdoor date by snapping photos. Who knows, you just might end up with a nice kiss at the end of the date to add to your digital memory book.

Follow @JulieSpira for online dating advice and sign up for the Free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She coaches singles on the dating scene with her Irresistible Profiles programs to help them find love offline.

There’s Always Room to Fill the Heart with Love

Quote heartbreakWhen the phone rings and someone calls to say they’re heartbroken and can’t imagine their life without the person who is gone, it’s my job to give them hope and to explain how the heart does heal in time.

Today’s quote was inspired by a coaching call with a woman who said her heart was completely broken. It had been shattered and she couldn’t imagine how she could go on with such an empty heart.

I explained to her that the heart fills up and depletes on a daily basis. You see the heart can’t be completely empty, or you wouldn’t have the ability to love your children, family, and friends at all if this was the case. You wouldn’t even be able to breathe, but you still can.

The heart fills up and depletes on a daily basis

The heart can be overflowing with love and joy when you first meet someone and you’re in the honeymoon phase. It’s so exciting you feel like it’s about to burst. Although it feels that way, it will not be bursting. You will be in a state of euphoria and often it’s temporary, for even those we love with all of our hearts, we go through phases of questioning the relationship, phases of disappointment or resentment when our needs aren’t being met, and then bounce back when we are in a state of joy again. It’s like a wave. There’s an ebb and flow to the wave as it comes crashing into the shore, each time reaching a different point on the sand or rocks.

Related: Irresistible Profiles to Help You Find Love

When it comes to matters of the heart, all forms of logic are tossed out the window. The stage of first love, early love and the pitter-patter of the heart feelings are real and when they are experienced, there’s nothing better.

So if you find that your relationship isn’t as fulfilling and that your heart is questioning it, it’s natural. Every day doesn’t have an overflowing heart, but it should have an appreciative heart. One that allows you to grow with an individual and to grow on your own.

You see, people are falling in love over and over again with their partner. There are different types of love, whether it’s lust, friendship, companionship, romantic love, or a deep passion. All of these types of feelings do exist with the same person. If a relationship can’t move past the three week or three month mark, then you were really existing in the lust phase only.

The heart is meant to last and move.

You see the heart is meant to last and move. It beats. You breathe in and you breathe out. Sometimes you can’t imagine anyone else in your life but the person you love or loved so deeply. Other times you wonder how any one person can decide on how full your heart should be. That’s more realistic.

The point here is when you’re unsure of your relationship or if your heart is hurting, know that it is temporary. The universe is like a vacuum. In time, the heart will fill up again. For some slowly, for others it can be rather quickly.

Related: Gone Fishing or Is it Over

To achieve the ultimate feeling of love, let the heart fill with your own personal joy to the point that anyone who joins you in this game of life is joining your already fully loved heart. Keep smiling as that will attract new people to you.  Know that you are always loved, even when you’re not sure you’re feeling it.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo

P.S. If you need some hand holding, find out how Irresistible Coaching can help you get back on the dating saddle.

Related: 20 Flirty Text Messages to Capture His Heart

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of Internet dating and has been coaching singles on finding love online for over two decades. For dating advice follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.

Sign up for our Free Weekly Flirt newsletter.


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