Would You Break Up Before Valentine’s Day?

Valentine’s Day might be my favorite holiday, but not everyone feels the same.

One of you might still be paying off credit card bills from the December holiday season, while the other is expecting a ring, there might be an explosion on the 12th or 13th.

Many couples in relationships feel the huge pressure of stepping up to a deeper commitment when they’re not on the same page with their partner, especially on Valentine’s Day.

If you feel this way, you’re not alone. It’s also proposal season, where 6 million people are expected to get engaged on February 14th. 

If ring shopping isn’t on your mind, or in your budget, it might be time to have “the talk.”

If you’re single, just seeing candy hearts, chocolates, and flowers in the grocery store is enough to put your heads under the covers.

RELATED: The Post-Valentine’s Breakup

On KABC 7, Eyewitness News, I spoke with Coleen Sullivan and Ellen Leyva on everything Valentine’s.

When asked why so many people break up before Valentine’s Day, I weighed in with my thoughts about the day so many either love, or hate.

We’ve got you covered in the Valentine’s Survival Guide, regardless of your relationship status.

View Full Interview

RELATED: 7 Ways to Find a Date by Valentine’s Day

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert and has been coaching singles on finding love online for over 24 years.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.

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Is it Too Late to Ask? Valentine’s Day Cut-off Rule

Valentine’s Day is a few days away, and the Super Bowl memories have already faded away.

Have you asked your date to be your Valentine yet?

If not, are you aware that there is a “cut-off” rule for when to decide who you will be spending February 14th with?

If you have watched Curb Your Enthusiasm, you might recall that Larry David discussed the cut-off rule in an episode. They determined 9:30-10:00pm for the cut-off time to phone a friend. It became a heated discussion.

The same ‘cut-off’ theory applies to Valentine’s Day.

In my online dating book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online, one of my rules of netiquette was the cut-off rule.

This rule applied to the most common misrepresentation in an online dating profile – the accuracy of your age.  Although I believe in authenticity, I had decided that 5 years was the maximum amount of years that you could take off your age in your profile, if you felt you needed to fit into a search.

I added that you need to be honest in the body of your email, on the phone, or certainly the latest by the first-date. I don’t promote lying on your profile, I just know that many singles do.

RELATED: Watch Valentine’s Survival Guide

Getting back to Valentine’s Day. When is it too late to ask the woman you are dating out for Wednesday night?

Here’s my relationship advice. I took a poll during the Super Bowl posing this question.

Most men felt they could wait until the last day, if there was chemistry with someone they had just met. I disagree. I believe one week is the maximum, and that once the Super Bowl was over, it was time to put the date in ink on the calendar and reserve whatever remaining restaurants were available at such a late date.

Think about it.

Most restaurants book up a month in advance of Valentine’s Day, so there will be slim pickings. You can always opt for in-room dining and bring food home, and set the table with fine china and candles.

If you are waiting until the last minute, don’t be surprised to find your date has made other plans. A smart, confident woman doesn’t wait around for the phone to ring. She’d rather be alone than be an afterthought.

RELATED: What do I do if he Doesn’t Ask Me Out for Valentine’s Day

If you have made Valentine’s plans and have a change of heart, don’t go down in history as the guy or girl who cancels on her Valentine’s date the week of because someone better came along. It will come back to haunt you. If you are gearing up for this romantic day, logging into your online dating profile on a regular basis during the days leading to Valentine’s may put you in the dog house, instead of the bedroom.

With or without a date, my advice is to try and enjoy Valentine’s Day and be open to the possibilities of love, or hanging out with friends. Open your mobile dating app and start swiping and chatting. Your next Valentine just might be a click away.

RELATED: 7 Ways to Find a Date by Valentine’s Day

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram

3 Online Profile Photos To Avoid This Valentine’s Day

As we get closer to Valentine’s Day, we’ve got you armed for everything including finding a date, selecting a gift, date ideas that are affordable, and how to create an Irresistible online dating profile.

Speaking of profiles, Cyber-Dating Expert friend, Michelle G., CRS® has some fabulous advice in her guest post: 3 Online Profile Photos to Avoid This Valentine’s Day.

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With Valentine’s Day around the corner, it’s a great reason to give your online dating profile a mini-digital makeover. The rise in photo-centric and location-based dating apps reveals that singles prefer the story your photos tell about you to reading your written answers.

Here are the 3 biggest profile mistakes when uploading photos to your online dating profile:

1. The Bathroom Mirror Selfie

Nothing screams, “I’m lonely” louder than taking a picture of yourself in a cloudy bathroom mirror right before you head out for the night. It says, “I have no one who can take a decent picture of me,” plus it looks tacky and lazy.

MG Tip: If you’re going to take a selfie, use a selfie stick! Worried about a round face? Hold your phone vertically for a slimming effect. Have a long and angular face? Shooting a self on landscape mode (or holding the phone horizontally) will highlight your most flattering features.

RELATED: Valentine’s Gift Ideas for Every Relationship Stage

2. The Cropped-Out Ex

They’re your “ex” for a reason! Singles aren’t interested in seeing you with a past flame. Instead, they want to see the possibility of being a part of your life on their own two feet and without being blamed for past baggage.

MG Tip: If you’re looking through your phone for what photos to use without your ex or without a bunch of friends around you, it’s time to invest into a personal photoshoot.

RELATED: What Do I Do If He Doesn’t Ask Me Out For Valentine’s Day?

3. The Inside Joke

If you have to use a descriptive caption to tell the story of a picture, then that photo doesn’t need to be on your profile. Your photos shouldn’t require an explanation; they should be a glimpse into your lifestyle and adventures. There is a right time to be witty, but that time isn’t with your photo gallery.

MG Tip: The best types of photos are ones that show your open body language and a flirty smile. The key is for you to look approachable, even through your tablet’s screen!

According to a recent research study, you have approximately 3-6 seconds before a match makes a decision about whether to engage with you. Let your photos enhance your online profile; not take away from it.

About Michelle G.

Michelle G is a Certified Dating and Relationship Specialist (CRS)® and the author of the #1 best selling book, Relationship SOS: Seven Lifelines to Rescue Your Emotional Intimacy Now.  She is passionate about helping singles and couples answer the question, “How can I have the relationship I’m looking for?”… Michelle and her team focus on helping singles find the love of their lives through profile writing services and her online coaching programs. Her mission is to teach singles and couples the best practices for having healthy relationships–including the one you have with yourself.

Michelle is frequently featured in the media as a dating & relationships expert, and her articles have been featured in the Huffington Post, Singles Warehouse, and other national publications.

FOLLOW @AskMichelleG on Twitter

RELATED: 7 Tips to Get Lucky in Love This Valentine’s Day

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter

Photo credits: Fotolia

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Listen to Julie Spira on Marilu Henner Show

It’s peak season for love and for new signups for online dating sites and mobile dating apps.

We are thrilled that Marilu Henner had Julie on as a guest again on the Marilu Henner Show.

Julie talked about the latest trends in dating, shared details about her magical epilogue in her newly released book, and gave online dating profile dos and don’ts.

This show will get you ready for Valentine’s.

Listen to the show here.

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram.

Like our Facebook page.

Valentine’s #DateChat Recap

Many thanks to those who came out to join the digital party for our Valentine’s #DateChat on February 12th.

If you missed #DateChat, here’s our transcript and recap with some dating advice to help you through Valentine’s weekend.

Our topic was Valentine’s Day: Love it or Hate it?

Don’t forget to join us again for #DateChat every Thursday at 5pm/PT, 8pm/ET, where we’ll talk about dating, love and romance in a digital world with guest hosts and to answer your burning dating questions.

Thanks to those who helped spread the word in avance @DearMrsD, @LindaSherman, @kellyseal, @dirtyinpublic, @brucesallan, @GenConnect @YourTango @YTExperts @lovecolumnist, @badonlinedates, @dressforthedate, @threedayrule, @serena, @lorimoreno, @carmeliaray, @mscheevious, @melanie360, @seltzerkimberly, @tomfoolerytm, @ProjectQuinn, @MikeLindstrom, @MyLifeonMatch.

Congratulations to Starbucks gift card winners Josh Mellman, Fatima Lora, and Asia McKenzie!

Here’s our Storify recap followed by our transcript highlighting some of our favorite tweets.

 

Social Media Rules for a Happy Digital Valentine’s Day

With Valentine’s Day around the corner, it’s time to brush up on your social media etiquette skills.

We know that you’re excited about your upcoming date or new relationship, but are you both on the same digital page?

Here are some Dos and Don’ts on how to handle social media and love on February 14^th.

DO: send a fun and flirty “Happy Valentine’s Day” text to the person you’ll be spending the holiday with. It will generate excitement leading up to your date.

DON’T: Keep your phone on the table during the date or check text messages. It sends a message that someone else is more important than you are.

DO: Send a text message inviting them for a SKYPE date if you can’t be together or if they live out of town.

DON’T: Post photos of the two of you as a couple on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram unless both of you decide together that you don’t mind your extended network to view your whereabouts.

DO: Post a photo of the cute red or pink dress you might be wearing on your date.

DON’T: Tag your new boyfriend on Facebook. Chances are he hasn’t told his buddies and work pals about his Valentine’s plans.

DO: Post a photo if you’ve received flowers, a fun gift, or of the dessert at dinner. Everyone loves to view the photos and will cheer you on with ‘likes.’

DON’T: Post your “Happy Valentine’s” message on your date’s wall. Saying you can’t wait until the evening together should remain private. Remember, a simple post may be innocent. However your friends might wonder what kind of wild night the two of you will be having. Or worse yet, his ex-girlfriend might start posting inappropriate comments to ruin your evening.

DO: Send a digital gift, such as his or her favorite band on iTunes, an e-card, or a redeemable gift card to a store or restaurant.

DON’T: Send a musical montage of “I Love You?”songs if you haven’t said those three little words yet.

DO: Ask for permission before you post anything online. Remember you?re creating a permanent digital footprint and your status and photos can be shared, even by people you don’t know.

DON’T: Overshare. Remember, many of your friends are single and may not be enjoying the day.

DO: Make an exciting announcement. If you become engaged on Valentine’s Day, your friends will want to know.

DON’T: Change your Facebook relationship status to ‘In a Relationship’ until both of you have had the talk and agree to be on the same digital page.

Do you have any social media rules for Valentine?s Day?

Your comments are welcome.

Julie Spira is a leading online dating expert and author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating and The Rules of Netiquette. For more online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert.

Countdown to Valentine’s Day – Can You Find a Date Online?

With Valentine’s Day just a month away, singles are thinking about red hearts and online dating sites are seeing record activity.

According to CNN, some online dating sites have surged by up to 350% in the past two months, so singles looking for love online can have more choices to find a date or mate for the holiday season.

So how can you ramp up your search in the next 30 days?

Here are 5 tips that will shorten the search so you can ride into the digital sunset together.

1. Become a Social Dater. If you?re constantly updating your status on Facebook and posting new photos on Instagram, Pinterest, and Flickr, go ahead and share some of those on your online dating profile as well. Toss out the outdated blurry photos, group shots, and the arm hanging over your shoulder and replace them with newer photos that reflect who you are today. Remember to post a caption under the photos and add the date they were taken, so your potential suitors can see there’s truth-in-advertising

2. Don’t Wait, Initiate. I know The Rules book says a woman should never ever contact a man, but I disagree with this one. There’s a fine line between chasing a guy and playing hard-to-get. Playing the waiting game won’t fill your date card. Sure if you call a guy all the time, you might be considered needy, but most men are so frustrated with writing to women online who never respond. Your quick introduction email will be refreshing to him. Send a flirt, wink, or a nudge, if you?d like to subtly get his attention. Rate his profile or let him know you’ve viewed it, so he can see you’re interested.

3. Flirt on Facebook. Finding love on the world’s largest social network will expand your search. Facebook reported that 40.5% of their members changed their relationship status in 2012 to ‘Single,’ as compared to 29.2% who changed their status to ‘In a Relationship.’ Check out Facebook chat and see if someone who captures your eye is online and start the conversation. Go ahead an Poke someone and see if it’s returned like a digital boomerang.

4. Log on Daily. If you keep your online dating profile hidden with the fear that you’ll look desperate, the result is you just won’t get found as easily. Change your settings to being visible while logged on, so you can show up higher in a search. Take it one step further and turn on the chat and instant message feature. It’s time to start flirting online.

5. Practice the Magic of 5. If you’d go on a few job interviews every day to find your dream position, shouldn’t you do the same with your personal life? Go ahead and book five dates a week. Sound overwhelming? Not really. Schedule two coffee dates, one lunch date, and two dates for drinks to fill your calendar with potential male suitors. By the weekend, you should have date number two on your calendar. Even if you don’t meet ‘the one,’ you’ll be expanding your social network. I call it casting a wide net. You never know if a party invitation will follow.

Practice these five tips from now until Valentine’s Day and look forward to the possibility of finding love online.

Julie Spira is a top online dating expert, bestselling author and the founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. She creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert.

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Julie Spira, Online Dating Expert to Speak on Valentine’s Love Panel

How digital is your love life??Come to the Digital LA – Love Goes Digital panel on February 13, 2012, ?where we’ll be talking about online and social dating.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

January 31, 2012 — Los Angeles, CA — Julie Spira, bestselling author of ?The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online? and a frequent media guest on the subject of online and social dating will be a featured panelist on the first-ever “Love Goes Digital” panel, hosted by Digital LA on February 13, 2012.

Julie will discuss social dating trends, how she helps singles by creating their online dating profiles, and about how she successfully used social media strategies to help her online dating book become a bestseller.

?For our pre-Valentine?s Day Digital LA ? Loves Goes Digital panel, we want to celebrate by getting LA?s experts in online dating and love together, to share tips, trends, and success stories in building dating/love related blogs and businesses,? said Kevin Winston, Digital LA founder. ?It?s the first time we know of that local dating and love experts have been gathered on a panel in Los Angeles.?

The event will be held at Hotel Shangri-La in Santa Monica, CA.

Follow @JulieSpira

Follow @DigitalLA

Full release @1888pressrelease.com

5 Post-Valentine’s Tips for Online Dating

Whew! You made it through Valentine?s Day, or did you?

If you?re single, you might have stayed home and pulled the sheets over your head until the clock struck midnight. Other singles that I heard from gathered together for the evening and sipped a few cocktails together and then went home alone. It was agonizing. It was painful. I know, you don?t want to have another Valentine?s Day alone, which is why you?re visiting this site right now.

So, as the bearer of good news, we?re heading into March Madness and Spring Fever will be around the corner. What does this mean for singles? It means the holiday season from Thanksgiving through Valentine?s is thankfully over. The men who disappeared in the weeks leading to Valentine?s Day are resurfacing right now since the holiday pressure has subsided.

So toss away your favorite red dress for a moment and let?s talk about some online dating tips to get your profile noticed and rise to the top.

1. Start from Scratch. If you still like your current site, you don?t need a makeover of your present profile. What you need is a brand new profile originating from a new and unique email address. If you?ve taken a break from online dating and are ready to jump back in, don?t refresh your existing profile. Retire it permanently and start from scratch. This way you?ll show up in a search as ?brand new? and you?ll be the fresh new face in the digital playing field.

2. Change Your Catchy Screen Name. Let?s face it. Your current screen name isn?t really that catchy is it? If so, you?d be riding into the sunset with someone right now. Think about a name that doesn?t describe you to your girlfriends. You?re writing to attract a quality man and he doesn?t want to hear about your shopping expeditions. While you may be a fashionista and will look great on a date, he?ll think you?ll be spending all of his money while gallivanting at the mall and won?t be spending time with him. Think about what you?d like to do together as a couple. What activities and interests will you have in common? Imagine spending them with your dream guy. Pick three different catchy screen names and rotate them on your profile headline. Don?t describe yourself as pretty or beautiful as you will seem shallow. Men are visual. They?ll notice how you look in your profile photos. You?ll know soon enough which names get the most attention.

3. Be Realistic. I?m not saying don?t be picky. Wanting a Renaissance man who makes $300,000 a year and will give you back massages and write you love notes all day long is not realistic. Whatever you have on your list, cut your list in half to show the absolutely most critical things you want in a partner. Our goal is to help you find love and a meaningful relationship. I know you can find it online and I?m here to help you do so.

4. Spend One Hour a Day Online. You say you?re too busy to spend one hour searching through profiles and finding quality men to date? If you can find time to go to the gym three times a week, meet your girlfriends for drinks, and attend business networking events, then you must allocate one hour a day to devote to your love life. I know you?re already logging onto Facebook up to an hour every day. While you?re checking the latest status updates and commenting, cut that time down and visit your online dating site.

5. Two is Better Than One. Online dating is a numbers game. Fortunately, there are over 1500 sites to pick from. My suggestion is to sign up for one mainstream popular site that has a lot of active members and select a second niche site to post another profile. If you?re wondering what a niche site is, it?s one that focuses in on your hobbies or religious beliefs. There are sites for book lovers, vegetarians, pet lovers, and those with medical conditions. There truly is someone for everyone. Visit our Dating Community for some sites that I recommend.

Make this spring your time to find the love that you truly are looking for. If you need personalized?help with your online dating profile, you’re not alone. Contact us to find out more about coaching programs at CyberDatingExpert.com/Irresistible Coaching. We’ll help you create an irresistible online dating profile to attract your dream date.

eHarmony’s Valentine’s Advice – Ask the Cyber Dating Expert Show

What an honor and pleasure it was to feature eHarmony on the Valentine’s edition of Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Show.

Dr. Gian Gonzaga, Senior director of research and development took time from his busy media schedule and book tour for this exclusive 30-minute radio interview.

Find out his online dating tips and relationship advice for Valentine’s. We know it’s stressful and your expectations are high.

You’ll hear about their new book the eHarmony Guide to Dating the Second Time Around and we’ve got 10 signed copies that we’re giving away on Facebook, so I hope you like us to enter to win.

We talked about when and how to introduce your children in your new relationship, what makes a good date, and if you should say “I Love You” on Valentine’s Day for the first time.

You’ll be surprised to find out that both men and women want the same three things.

Here’s the list:

1. Funny
2. Smart
3. Adaptable

Did you notice that sexy and hot aren’t on this list? So ladies, be flexible and enjoy the show!

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