So you’ve met a great guy online and he’s asked you out again because you had off the chart chemistry and the conversation just flowed on your first date.
Congratulations! You’re making it past the one-and-done dating grind, which is common for online daters and singles using mobile dating apps.
What happens next? You give your girlfriends the good news about your hot date and you and your date get into a groove texting each other every day. Good morning and good night texts keep you connected and keep the very important momentum going during the early stages of dating.
Finally, the day comes when you’re going on your second date with your dream guy, so you pick up your favorite date dress from the dry cleaner’s, get your hair blown dry during lunch so you can look and feel remarkable, and everything feels great.
Then the familiar chime of his customized text rings on your phone. You smile, because you’re sure he’s as excited as you are about the date and he’s just sending a text to confirm your date like a true gentleman.
It’s an hour until date time and as you look down at your phone, your heart falls to your knees. The text says,
“Sorry…have to cancel, not feeling well. Can we reschedule?”
Your gut says, hey he knew he was sick all day and I just spent $50 on a blow dry. This is not cool. You’re not happy and you’re not even sure if he’s sick, found someone else, got back together with his ex, or if he double booked dates on calendar by mistake. Let’s face it, texts like these do happen while dating in a digital world.
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What’s a girl to do? The first thing not to do is pout. If you’re both dating online, realize you’re dating other people until you decide to be exclusive. Sure, maybe he got sick and was excited to see you and was hoping he’d feel better by 5pm. Maybe the dog ate his paper and you don’t recall him mentioning having a dog. Maybe he had a work project he had to deal with and felt it was easier to say he wasn’t feeling well. It doesn’t matter. You’re date-ready and his text might be the beginning of the end, or at least the end of a well-planned date.
Here’s the thing about when someone cancels a date.
You really don’t know why he canceled and after going on only one date together, you don’t need to be a cyber detective and make yourself crazy.
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Here’s what you don’t do:
- Don’t check his Instagram or Facebook to see his last check in or post.
- Don’t text him more than once to see how he’s feeling.
- Don’t assume he’s double dipping. The guy really could have come down with the flu.
- Don’t bitch about it on social media. No one wants to see a “Debbie Downer.”
- Don’t stay home. You’re already date-ready and you might even meet someone more exciting.
Here’s what you should do:
- Do give him the benefit of the doubt if he does indeed reschedule. Guys don’t do well with being sick and if it’s contagious, he’s doing you a favor by canceling.
- Do reply to his text and ask if you can bring over chicken soup!
- Do find a girlfriend and go out anyway or go online and see if some guy you’ve been chatting with is free to meet you for a drink.
- Do find your favorite happy hour and go flirt up a storm. Remember to smile and say hello to strangers.
- Do wait for your date to reach out and reschedule and show him that you can go with the flow, this one time.
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If you end up going on the rescheduled makeup date, don’t bring up the reasons your previous date was canceled. Act like it’s still a first date and let him get enamored with you and continue to pursue and court you. Make sure another date is put on the calendar after the end of a fabulous date, so you can look forward to seeing each other again. Keep the momentum going.
If the same guy cancels again, let him go. It’s time for you to find an available man who won’t look at you as an option, and won’t be playing games and tugging at your heartstrings.
Remember to keep your online dating profile active while you’re casually dating, so you can fill your date card or chat on your mobile dating app. Perhaps you should kick the date canceler to the curb.
You deserve better and you will find someone else in the crowded digital playground called online dating.
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam. xo
Julie Spira is America’s Top online dating expert and mobile dating expert. She’s the founder of CyberDatingExpert.com and has been coaching singles on finding love online with her signature Irresistible Profiles for over 20 years.
Julie’s the bestselling author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online.
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