So you’ve met ‘the one,’ but you’ve got a digital love triangle going on. It’s called Tinder on one side and you’re steady sweetheart on the other. You know in your heart the one who falls asleep in your arms every night is the one who ranks higher on the totem pole. You know you need to delete Tinder and are no longer looking for options. Why is it so difficult? As a Tinder dating expert, I get asked this question all of the time.
Here are 7 reasons why you want to stay attached to Tinder, when you’re in a committed relationship.
1. FOMO – Sure you know she’s the one and you’ve had the talk, have drawers in each other’s homes, but somehow you think you might suffer from the “fear of missing out” if someone attractive matches with you. You may wonder what if she’s just a bit hotter, sweeter, or what happens if my SO dumps me?
2. You Need an Ego Boost – Just having that high of seeing “it’s a match” and knowing someone swiped right on you makes you feel like you’re still a desirable guy. Even if you have no intentions of writing back, it’s like a digital drug and weaning off can be difficult for many. Just knowing someone else is interested boosts your self esteem, even at the risk of losing the one you’d regret getting away.
3. It’s a Game – There’s a reason why after you swipe right or left, you get a message that says, “Keep Playing?” Tinder is a game-like app. It’s today’s version of “hot or not” and people play games to win.
4. You want to see if you’ve been Super Liked – Let’s face it. It’s a popularity contest based on limited attraction of a photo with no knowledge at first of someone’s voice or personality. You open up the app and start swiping and BAM one potential date has super liked you. This means she thinks you’re hot. This means she will reply if you write to her. This makes you feel good temporarily.
6. It’s a Habit – I get it. You’re on the bus or subway and may be bored. You might be lying in bed alone at home. You open up Tinder and it’s entertainment until you arrive at your destination, or fall asleep. Habits are hard to break, especially when the ego is involved.
7. You’re Wired to Be a Hunter – While looking at pretty women offline walking by is something men of various relationship statuses have been doing for years, the number of attractive women or men you can find on Tinder is enormous. We’re talking over 50 million. It’s the largest digital playground, so chase you will, and swipe right you will, until you realize that you’d be hurting your SO big time when a friend tips her off that you’re still on Tinder.
Know one thing for sure. If you’re in an exclusive relationship and you don’t want to blow it, you delete Tinder. This doesn’t mean taking the mobile app off your phone, this means logging in and deactivating the account. There’s a big difference between the two.
Related: How to Delete Your Tinder Account
Deleting Tinder from your phone keeps your account active and your girlfriend’s girlfriends will see you as a potential match on a dating app. This isn’t Facebook, although there are a lot of folks in relationships dabbling on Tinder. This is where you go to say, “Hey, I’m available.” So if you don’t want an eruption in your love life and don’t want to post “It’s Complicated” on Facebook, take down your Tinder profile, withdraw for a few days or a week, and then look at the amazing person you’re in love with and realize it’s time for a chapter without Tinder.
Are you still active on Tinder or mobile dating apps, even though you’re in a committed relationship? Share your reasons in the comments as to why.
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Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Mobile Dating Expert. She’s been coaching singles on finding love online for over two decades. Find out how Irresistible Profiles and Swiping Right can help you find your dream date.
Read our bestselling book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online.