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SURVEY: Singles Would Rather Have Bad Sex than Date a Trump Supporter

 

POF Political survey

I’m a believer in truth-in-advertising, and as I said in my essay, Can Love Survive Trump, the challenges of dating in Trump’s America have been painful, and have resulted in reducing the dating pool by 50% for those with strong opinions on either side of the political spectrum.

This new survey of 2,000 singles in the U.S. conducted by online dating site Plenty of Fish shows that people are living and dating by their beliefs.

When I read the study, which claims that 34% of singles would rather have bad sex for the rest of their life than date a Trump supporter, I quickly realized this heated subject isn’t slowing down.  Our commander-in-chief still affects the way singles select their dates online.

The Conversation survey breaks it down further and states:

  • 59% of singles won’t start talking to someone whose dating profile promotes a different political opinion.
  • 52% of Republicans and 65% of Democrats won’t start a conversation with a political opposite.
  • 84% of singles find it’s best to openly discuss their divided views with their partner.

RELATED: DOES LOVE TRUMP POLITICS? MATCH SURVEY SAYS YES

I asked POF’s Conversation Expert Celeste Headlee to weigh in and elaborate on these findings in the Conversation Nation 2018 study, to help answer questions that my dating coaching clients always ask.

Julie: Should singles post their political opinions in their dating profiles?

Celeste: It may not be a good idea to put your politics on your profile. As we can see, many people make quick decisions about dating based on political issues, and it’s much better (and less likely to cause friction) if you talk about them face-to-face.

Julie: When should someone bring up politics? Before a first date? In their profile? On the first date?

Celeste: It’s okay to choose one issue that you know you’re passionate about and bring it up on the first or second date, as long as you are kind while you do it, and have no intention of arguing. Let the other person know you’re just trying to see if the two of you are compatible.

Otherwise, leave that political conversation for the second or third date and don’t argue or yell at anyone. If they disagree and you can’t see yourself with that person, be honest and be kind. 

Julie: Why has dating a Trump supporter become such a hostile issue?

Celeste: Dating a Trump supporter can be an issue for people because he’s the culmination of a long trend toward polarization and division in politics. Whatever you may think of him, the evidence shows he is the most divisive president in US history.

RELATED: LOVE VS. TRUMP: IS POLITICS POLARIZING RELATIONSHIPS

He has taken some extreme stances on many issues and that means he’s upset and offended people. So, it’s common for people to say that they can’t date a Trump supporter, or will only date a Trump supporter. We think that knowing someone’s position on the president tells us more about them than it really does.

Julie: Why is politics a bigger deal-breaker than bad grammar?

Celeste: One of the surprises in this study is that more people are turned off by bad grammar than by bad sex. But the number of people who won’t date across party lines is larger still.

At this point, it’s very difficult to avoid talking about politics, as nearly every aspect of our lives has become political: what we eat, what music we listen to, what movies we watch. So, it’s important to talk about politics with your date, but be prepared to listen more than you talk and not try to change anyone’s mind.

Julie: How can you communicate in a healthy way with someone with different political beliefs.

Celeste: If your goal is to learn about the other person’s opinions, instead of talking about your own and arguing your position, you’ll be much more likely to have a healthy conversation. If they say something you find troubling, you can say, “I disagree with you, but I’m interested in learning why you believe that.” It’s difficult and sometimes scary to talk about politics with other people, so be kind and be welcoming. 

Julie: How can liberals and conservatives co-exist in the dating world?

Celeste: Liberals and conservatives can date each other and be happy. The most common reasons for divorce are money, cheating, and a lack of together time, not politics. If you can learn to allow the other person to have their own thoughts and opinions, to discuss without arguing, to stop trying to change their mind or convince them they’re wrong, you will get along just fine.

What happens in government will not, in the long run, determine the success or failure of your relationship. If you create a party loyalty test for all of your dates, you may end up walking away from someone who is a perfect match for you in every other way.

On that note, has dating in Trump’s America affected your choice of daters, or caused tension in your relationship?

We’d like to hear from you with your stories, so contact us at CyberDatingExpert.com/contact

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert and has been coaching singles on finding love online for 24 years with her Irresistible Profiles programs.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira for dating advice on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.

How to Spot a FAKE Dating Profile

Julie Spira Fox Los Angeles

Recently, I was a guest on FOX 11, Los Angeles, in a special feature about people grabbing photos from the Internet and creating a dating profiles on mobile apps and online dating sites.

While this happens, it’s really in the minority of profiles. Still, if you see a hunky model’s photo on a message to you, here’s how to tell if he or she is real.

After watching the video, scroll down to see a sample email that was sent (in bulk) on an online dating site to many users. If you find one like this, don’t reply. Report it as suspicious to the dating site, because they take dating safety seriously, and so do we!

RELATED: Here’s How to Tell Your Date You’re Not Interested Without Ghosting

Photo Swapping on Dating Profiles

In my interview with Susan Hirasuna, I explained the following:

“Julie Spira literally wrote the book on cyber-dating.”
               
“She says, the number one complaint is that people show up for the first date and they don’t look like their profile photos.  

“In the case of Emanuel, she theorizes he may be socially awkward or just needs an ego boost by matching with women on the dating apps.”

“Having the opportunity to chat with someone to boost your ego, if you’re looking like someone they might want to go out with. It’s a game and it’s really a sad game, because you’re really tugging at digital heart strings,” Spira told me.”

“She said, those with the photo swaps likely have no intention in meeting their dating app matches.”

RELATED: 10 Dating Safety Tips

The Suspicious Email

On a popular online dating site, this email has been floating around.

Note the following red flags:

  1. There’s it’s not personalized. “Hi there” doesn’t list your screen name or name.
  2. The writer claims to be in the military, which is a common sign.
  3. The writer claims he is financially stable, something that will attract a woman.
  4. He wants to communicate OFF the dating site and offers an email account and asks for yours.

Hi there,

My name is John and I think your profile looks amazing as It feels great to meet someone who has a positive outlook at life and still looking to find the right one. I am a loving, kind and successful man who is still looking to find the right match.  I’m a senior personnel working with the United States Military and would be retired in a couple months. I am secure, own my homes and financially stable. I have lived a great life with the exception of having that special someone to make memories with as life is full of beautiful memories. I believe life’s adventures are better when shared with someone special and would really love to get past the introduction part and get to know each other personally. I would prefer to communicate via email as I don’t come on here often. You can leave me an email on johnyoung23555@gmail.com  or leave yours as we seem to be on here at different times.  It would be refreshing to get to know each other and see how much we share in common and where it could possibly lead. Would look forward to read from you.

Warmly.
John

While John may indeed be a real person, he won’t brag about his money, be unavailable whenever you are logged on, and won’t immediately ask to communicate off the site.

If you receive an email like this, you can ignore it or report it, but be careful about falling in love from your computer screen with someone who has never appeared to have read your profile.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of Internet dating and has been coaching singles on finding love online for over 20 years with her Irresistible Profiles dating services. Julie’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online and was the recipient of the 2017 Best Dating Coach of the Year Award.

For dating advice, FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.

SIGN UP for the FREE Weekly Flirt newsletter for dating advice delivered to your inbox.

3 Online Profile Photos To Avoid This Valentine’s Day

Valentine's Day

As we get closer to Valentine’s Day, we’ve got you armed for everything including finding a date, selecting a gift, date ideas that are affordable, and how to create an Irresistible online dating profile.

Speaking of profiles, Cyber-Dating Expert friend, Michelle G., CRS® has some fabulous advice in her guest post: 3 Online Profile Photos to Avoid This Valentine’s Day.

———————————————————————————————————–

With Valentine’s Day around the corner, it’s a great reason to give your online dating profile a mini-digital makeover. The rise in photo-centric and location-based dating apps reveals that singles prefer the story your photos tell about you to reading your written answers.

Here are the 3 biggest profile mistakes when uploading photos to your online dating profile:

1. The Bathroom Mirror Selfie
Bathroom Selfie Shot

Nothing screams, “I’m lonely” louder than taking a picture of yourself in a cloudy bathroom mirror right before you head out for the night. It says, “I have no one who can take a decent picture of me,” plus it looks tacky and lazy.

MG Tip: If you’re going to take a selfie, use a selfie stick! Worried about a round face? Hold your phone vertically for a slimming effect. Have a long and angular face? Shooting a self on landscape mode (or holding the phone horizontally) will highlight your most flattering features.

RELATED: Valentine’s Gift Ideas for Every Relationship Stage

2. The Cropped-Out Ex

They’re your “ex” for a reason! Singles aren’t interested in seeing you with a past flame. Instead, they want to see the possibility of being a part of your life on their own two feet and without being blamed for past baggage.

MG Tip: If you’re looking through your phone for what photos to use without your ex or without a bunch of friends around you, it’s time to invest into a personal photoshoot.

RELATED: What Do I Do If He Doesn’t Ask Me Out For Valentine’s Day?

3. The Inside Joke

Captions - Online Dating Profile

If you have to use a descriptive caption to tell the story of a picture, then that photo doesn’t need to be on your profile. Your photos shouldn’t require an explanation; they should be a glimpse into your lifestyle and adventures. There is a right time to be witty, but that time isn’t with your photo gallery.

MG Tip: The best types of photos are ones that show your open body language and a flirty smile. The key is for you to look approachable, even through your tablet’s screen!

According to a recent research study, you have approximately 3-6 seconds before a match makes a decision about whether to engage with you. Let your photos enhance your online profile; not take away from it.

About Michelle G.

Michelle G is a Certified Dating and Relationship Specialist (CRS)® and the author of the #1 best selling book, Relationship SOS: Seven Lifelines to Rescue Your Emotional Intimacy Now.  She is passionate about helping singles and couples answer the question, “How can I have the relationship I’m looking for?”… Michelle and her team focus on helping singles find the love of their lives through profile writing services and her online coaching programs. Her mission is to teach singles and couples the best practices for having healthy relationships–including the one you have with yourself.

Michelle is frequently featured in the media as a dating & relationships expert, and her articles have been featured in the Huffington Post, Singles Warehouse, and other national publications.

FOLLOW @AskMichelleG on Twitter

RELATED: 7 Tips to Get Lucky in Love This Valentine’s Day

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter

Photo credits: Fotolia


Top Online Dating Profile Words in U.S.

Online Dating Profile WordsWhat do you learn from joining 21 online dating sites? This in-depth study of a list of the top online dating profile words used by single daters in major cities in the U.S.  was a huge project to take on.

In Business Insider, writer Dana Varinsky details the research from artist, composer, professor of digital media and now a well-versed online dater R. Luke Dubois to highlight the top dating profile words in ten cities. Varinsky downloaded 19 million dating profiles, so we know he didn’t go on a dating frenzy, but the results of his research are a digital eye-opener.

So if you’re planning on changing your zip code, check this article out.

Varinsky downloaded dating profiles and created graphs of the following cities:

  • Los Angeles, CA – Lingerie, Booty, Spanking, Screenwriter
  • Washington, DC – Paraguay, Estonia, Kashmiri, Political, Journalist, Socially
  • Boston, MA – People, Drinks, Laugh, Sox
  • New York, NY – Now, Taxi, Photography, Brunch, Hipsters, Urbane, DJ,
  • Houston, TX – Rich
  • San Francisco, CA – Bisexual, Homosexual, Lesbian, Queer, Robot, Digitized
  • Detroit, MI – Automotive, Machine, GM, Graduating, Companionship, Dope
  • Anchorage, AK – Outdoorsy, Nippy, Berries, Corsair
  • Jackson, MS – Conservative, Cornbread, Baptist
  • Chicago, IL – Companionate, Gravitated

According to Business Insider, Dubois used 10 computers and took three months to compile his data in a project called, “A More Perfect Union.”  In essence, he created his own online dating version of singles based using keywords from profiles instead of the cities in the U.S. Census report.

While some of these might not surprise you, others might just make you want to change your zip code.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating and Mobile Dating Expert. She was an early adopter of Internet dating and has been coaching singles on finding love online for two decades. Julie’s the author of the bestseller The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online and creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene.

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram.

Sign up for the FREE Weekly Flirt newsletter for dating advice delivered to your inbox.

 

 

 

 

What to Do if Your Boss Sees Your Dating Profile

Ask the Cyberdating Expert Radio ShowIt’s bound to happen, you nervously put up an online dating profile with the hope of finding someone special to date, and suddenly it’s spotted by your boss, your neighbor, parents of friends of your kids, co-workers and more.

As a dating expert and coach, I’ve seen this happen to many of you. In my relationship column on Bikini, a female reader asked this question.

Q: I caught my boss checking me out on a dating website? I’m not sure if I should be excited or disturbed

A: Of course your boss is on a dating site or a mobile app. So are you and over 50 million other singles, including people who don’t know about your relationship status. It does feel like a creepy boundary issue, doesn’t it?  Chances are your boss was scrolling through hundreds of profiles photos in your geographic area and your familiar face popped up on the screen or on his mobile phone, so it was natural to take a peek at your profile.

So many sites allow you to see who has viewed your profile, so this isn’t unusual. Before you start comparing bad dates with your superior, my best advice is to ignore it. Then take matters into your own hands and block your boss from viewing your profile. I call it digital housekeeping. This way he or she won’t appear in your search and you won’t appear in theirs.

Both of you now know you’re on the same dating site and it could be just as uncomfortable for him or her as well. If your boss happens to mention viewing your profile, don’t have a meltdown. Just say, you’re single and dating and can’t think of a better way to meet someone outside of work than by joining an online dating site and mobile dating apps.

At some point, you’ll meet an amazing guy and will be taking your profile down anyway.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam. xo

Do you have a question for online dating expert Julie Spira? Send your questions to CyberDatingExpert.com/contact

SIGN UP for our FREE Weekly Flirt newsletter for dating advice delivered to your inbox and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram for quotes about love and romance.

Julie Spira to Revamp Bevy Smith’s Dating Profiles on SiriusXM

Bevy Smith TinderJoin Online Dating Expert Julie Spira as she returns to SiriusXM’s ‘Bevelations’ as a guest with radio show host Bevy Smith on April 6th.

Julie will be critiquing Bevy’s Match and Tinder profiles LIVE at 5:30pm/ET, 2:30pm/PT on SiirusXM’s ‘Radio Andy’ Channel 102.

Listen as Julie revamps Bevy’s dating profiles and teaches listeners all the tips on how to be successful online and on mobile dating apps.

You won’t want to miss this lively discussion with the former Bravo “Fashion Queens” star and host, Bevy Smith.

We’ll be live tweeting from @JulieSpira with the hashtag of #Bevelations, so follow us on Twitter for the conversation.

Julie Spira is Ameria’s Top Online Dating Expert and was an early adopter of Internet dating. She’s a celebrity dating coach and the founder of Cyber-Dating Expert. Julie has been helping singles find love online for over 20 years and is the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online, newly released with a magical epilogue and a fairy tale ending.

For dating advice, sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter and follow @JulieSpira on Instagram and Twitter.

Laughter Will Fill Your Online Dating Card Faster

Laughter is known as the best medicine, both online and offline.

When it comes to matters of the digital heart, endless dating profiles often include “must have a sense of humor” listed as a requirement for a potential date. Sure you want to fall in love with someone who makes you laugh, right?

Since April is “National Humor Month,” our friends at SKOUT, the global app that helps you meet people and expand your social circle, asked 3,372 of their members their thoughts about profile photos and also did a deep dive into the topics of humor, friendship, and more. The results just might get you to ROTFL as you fill your date card.

It’s time to go beyond a smile or a wink once you see these survey results which proves laughter is the best medicine, both online and offline.

The mobile app found that users who posted a photo of themselves laughing, not just smiling, on their profile have had responses that have skyrocketed above all else. It turns out that photos including laughter were favorited 404% more often and 324% more connections were made as compared to the average SKOUT user who wasn’t laughing.

Here are 6 key findings of the SKOUT Humor Survey

1. We’re Our Own Favorite Comedian

A majority of respondents (75%) think they’re funny. SKOUT also found that people with a witty sense of humor are most likely to think that they’re funny (81%).

2. No One Likes to Laugh Alone

Who doesn’t like making other people laugh? It seems like a majority of SKOUT users agreed and 94% of respondents said they enjoyed making other people laugh.

3. Our Humor Style’s Effect on Friendships

If “bathroom humor” and practical jokes are your style, you’re most likely to have five or more close friends. However, you’re less likely to have five or more close friends if your humor style is more sarcastic or self-deprecating. Be careful of sending those text messages.

4. No Clowning Around

Coulrophobia, a fear of clowns, is a pretty common fear in the U.S., but only 30% of respondents said they were afraid of clowns. The survey found that those who have a sarcastic sense of humor are most likely (37%) to be afraid of clowns. Who knew?

5. Chick Flicks vs. Comedies

When it comes to selecting a movie, the survey found that women were more likely to pass on chick flicks and go for a comedy instead.

Comedy trumped all other movie genres among the women surveyed, with 26% preferring comedy to the 23% that preferred action/adventure, 21% who preferred horror, and 18% who preferred romance movies.

Action and adventure movies were the most common among 43% of men, while comedy came in second as the most popular genre (21%).

6. Laugh It Up With the Locals

The two cities with respondents who were most confident in their sense of humor were New York and San Francisco (83%).

Are you ready to change your zip code for that extra laugh? If so try heading to Houston, Los Angeles, or Atlanta, where almost everyone surveyed said they enjoyed making other people laugh.

It’s both April Fool’s Day and National Humor Month, so start showing off your sense of humor in your profile. Enlist the help of a few friends (or us) to help with your profile or to take photos of you the next time you’re rolling on the floor clutching your stomach in a fit of laughter. The candid aspect of the photo will capture you in the moment and you won’t look posed or fake.

Now go ahead and start laughing.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating and Mobile Dating Expert. She’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online and has been coaching singles on finding love for over 20 years.

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook. Sign up for the Free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

Valentine’s Survival Guide

It’s Valentine’s week and time once again to publish our annual Cyber Dating Expert Valentine’s Day Survival Guide.  Valentine’s Day falls on a Tuesday, so get ready for 3-4 days of like or love and everything red in between.

At Cyber-Dating Expert HQ we’ve been hard at work putting together everything you need to have the perfect Valentine’s Day.  From date ideas, to gifts that won’t break the bank, and even how to fill your date card in time for Valentine’s with the best mobile dating apps.

Without further digital ado, here’s our Cyber-Dating Expert Survival Guide.

How To Pimp Your Profile for Valentine’s Day

Watch this video to hear Julie share her thoughts on the best online dating profile tips with Andre Senior from ABC 13 News Now.

Valentine’s Gifts for Every Relationship Stage

We know the pressure of Valentine’s is on. You can’t help but notice the red candy boxes everywhere you go. If you’re wondering what to get the new person you just started dating for Valentine’s Day, or perhaps want to get something for your long-time love, gift selection can be confusing, regardless of your relationship status. [Read more]

25 New Valentine’s Day Ideas

From going ice skating with your love to a scavenger hunt filled with fun and loving surprises on the way, or even visiting a brewery together, we’ve got a ton of creative date ideas to impress your date. [Read more]

What to Do on Valentine’s Day When You’re Single

Keep swiping! If you’re single, and on Tinder, Hinge, Bumble, Happn or other mobile dating apps, stay in and see who you can meet through your mobile phone. You never know who you could end up scheduling a date with for the day after Valentine’s Day. [Read more]

Why Valentine’s for Women is Like the Super Bowl for Men

Now that the Super Bowl is over, it’s time for the Super Bowl of Dating. Women wait for Valentine’s Day, with the hope that their special guy will either propose, offer to take his online dating profile down, or say “I love you” for the first time. Women even secretly hope that the guy they are dating might want to change his Facebook status from “Single” to “In a Relationship.” [Read more]

Could Your Valentine Be Just A Click Away? Life After 50 Magazine

Dating over 50? Read our featured article in Life After 50 magazine filled with tips on how to join a dating site, create an irresistible profile, and start filling your date card. [Read article]

10 Valentine’s Day Date Ideas That Won’t Break the Bank

From taking a dance lesson or cooking class, to going to a wine tasting or amusement park, here are 10 ways to celebrate Valentine’s Day with your significant other that are great for daters on a budget. [Read more]

How To Land a Date for Valentine’s Day

Start searching for love by logging on to dating sites every day leading up to Valentine’s Day and keep swiping right. You can also try attending singles events in your area in the hopes of finding a potential date. More in our article on how to land a date for Valentine’s weekend. [Read more]

Signs Your Relationship Is Ripe For A Valentine’s Day Breakup

We know many relationships don’t go the distance, but a Valentine’s breakup can hurt, big time. Here are some signs that your relationship is headed towards an end. If you’re not feeling the relationship, you’ll stop texting them as much as you usually do. If they feel similar, they’ll do the same. [Read more]

Related: Peril of the Week – The Valentine’s Breakup

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

The Perils of Cyber-DatingNewly released: Our completely revised edition of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Now available as an audio book in Audible and on Kindle. Listen to the magical epilogue with the fairy tale ending to help you believe in love.

How Music Can Improve Your Dating Profile

MUSIC MONDAY

It’s Music Monday, so instead of posting a favorite song, I thought I’d share with you one of my favorite tips for online dating profiles.

Do you remember hearing a song on the radio that made you hum in the car and put a smile on your face? If so, it’s time to play “Name that Online Dating Tune.”

If you failed creative writing in high school, here’s exactly can you do to grab the attention of a potential digital suitor and fill up that date card, right now.

While you can use social media to include your Spotify accounts and can post what you’re listing to, if your views and responses are slim-to-none, here’s a tip from a former music-radio DJ, me!

When I write Irresistible dating profiles for singles looking for love online, I spend a lot of time talking to them about what they are the most passionate about. Whether it’s music, art, travel, or hiking, singles need to make it easy for others to write to them with a more than just generic topic.

Still, it’s difficult for most singles to create a catchy screen name or headline. If you’re still stumped, my recommendation is to think about the songs you love.

Are you ready to play “Name that Online Dating Tune?”

It’s simple to do. Just find the title or lyrics of a song that makes you smile and might be familiar to those viewing your profile. Boom! You now have a catchy screen name. When you use a partial lyric from a song, invite those looking at your profile to fill in the blanks. It’s fun, it’s flirty, engaging and it works.

Once when I heard the song “Tiny Dancer” by Elton John on the radio, I decided to use the lyrics in my online dating profile with the first line of, “Blue Jean Baby, LA Lady” as a catchy screen name. The first sentence of the profile bio started with the next line of the song,  “Seamstress for what band?”

The views to the dating profile increased by over 1000%. Some who knew the answer wrote about their favorite Elton John song. Others who didn’t know the answer took action and actually did a Google search and typed in the lyrics to find the answer to respond correctly. They viewed, they winked, and they replied.

If you need a little help, here’s a site with 10 Best Opening Lyrics. Make sure to read the long list of comments filled with other song title ideas.

Better yet, check out our Top 10 Mobile Dating Apps of 2015, where we gave Tastebuds an honorable mention.

Have you used songs in your online dating profiles? Feel free to comment.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and founder of Cyber-Dating Expert. She was an early adopter of Internet dating and has been helping singles find love online for over 20 years.  Julie creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. Visit CyberDatingExpert.com for dating advice,  follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram, and like our Facebook Page.

Sign up for our Free Weekly Flirt Newsletter.

Online Dating – Why Won’t Women Write Back?

Ask the Cyberdating Expert Radio ShowIn this week’s Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert column, a single man called in quite frantic and upset that he had been writing to women online and they never wrote back.

He’s wondering what’s wrong with him, why women aren’t interested in marriage anymore, and if there’s something wrong with his profile. He’s a member of three online dating sites, Match, PlentyofFish, and OkCupid.

On the spot, he signed up for The Flirt dating profile critique and I quickly analyzed his Match profile.

The interesting thing is, he was worried that his photos were bad. They really weren’t great, but the most surprising issue is, he’s a great catch and says he NEEDS to be married. When I questioned him as to why he wanted to get married and how long he had been divorced, he corrected me and said, he NEEDED to get married to survive. Without marriage, he couldn’t go on living. He had only been divorced for 6-months.

This great guy was in so much pain. I knew I needed to help him and build up his self-esteem and that one hour wouldn’t be enough. I also knew that I needed to manage his expectations and that there were plenty of women out there who would love to be married. He just hadn’t found them yet.

So why weren’t women writing back to him?

1. His profile photos were awful. He was  a good looking guy and the primary photo was so dark, you could hardly see his sweet face. He couldn’t afford a photographer and we had to work with what he had, at least for the time being.

What did we do?

I reviewed all of his photos and instantly lightened them up, cropped some of the photos so the focus was on him, and changed the order of the photos. I deleted the photo of him playing the guitar as he looked sad and his photo showed only half of his body and a dog in the center of the photo. The dog looked so sad, that all I could see and feel was a man probably playing a country music song to the tune of “Twang, twang, she broke my heart.”

That shot had to go, period. A woman wants to see a confident happy man that she can share her life with. The dog didn’t need center stage. In fact, a woman might think the dog sleeps in bed with her. All of the photos were captioned as they had been taken this year, so the women would know there was truth-in-advertising on his profile.

You see this guy is a pilot. Pilots, like firemen, are really sexy to women. When a photo showed more of the runway that him by the plane, it had to be cropped as well.

2. His bio was filled with too many questions that he required a woman to answer. I love it when someone asks a question in an Internet or mobile dating profile. It immediately triggers the action for someone to respond. However asking four direct questions made it look like he was in a deposition or job interview. It would be too much work for women to reply, so they just moved on to another email.

What did we do?

I deleted three of the direct questions which came close to begging a woman to be his girlfriend, took out the small talk and made sure there were specific descriptions of things he was passionate about.

3. His About Me Section Was Sloppy. On dating sites, it already lists your age, and on Match it states the age range you’re looking for.

His profile started with: I’m a male, 53, professional pilot, seeking a female for a relationship 43-59 within 50 miles. Are you the one that cares to go on that walk on the beach with me? My favorite season is summer and I would like to bring my dog Shiloh. Sound fun? Barbeque sandwich for me. Do you care for red cake?

What did we do?

I deleted his first sentence as it was redundant and mirrored the headline of his profile. It was obvious that he was a male. His age was already listed and by repeating that he was looking for a relationship 43-59 within 50 miles, it not only had been stated, but it looked like he was a guy with strict requirements. It couldn’t have been further than the truth.

Instead his new profile starts off with, “I’m a professional pilot.” It was intriguing enough to allow a woman to desire to continue reading the rest of the profile.

4. He only wrote to 5 women a day. When he told me that no one wrote back, it wasn’t entirely true. He actually received one reply to five emails that he’d sent out. That’s actually not a bad statistic. When I explained to him that typically only one out of ten emails are responded to, and he was ahead of the game, he was shocked.

What did we do?

I gave him the homework assignment of writing to ten women a day instead of five. This way he would get double the response than he did beforehand.  I explained that online dating is a numbers game. He needed to treat it like he was looking for a dream job, only he was looking for a wife.

This wonderful sweet kind successful 53-year old pilot is a great catch. He wants to get married, is taller than average at 6’5,” and will be the most loyal and wonderful husband to a lucky woman who has the same desires as he does. So ladies, don’t think there aren’t marriage-minded men out there.

I have hope for this man, but reminded him that patience is a virtue and the best things in life are worth waiting for.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo

Do you have a question for dating expert Julie Spira? Send your questions to CyberDatingExpert.com/contact

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