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A Catfish Tale – Reeling Them In

CatfishThere’s been a lot of talk about ‘Catfishing’ and we’ve been interviewed a lot about how frequently it can happen, what catfishing means, and how to spot a ‘Catfish.’

In this interview and deep dive into ‘Catfishing,’ I spoke with Jasmine Kianfard about why this trend is happening, along with MTV’s co-host of ‘Catfish,’ Max Joseph and my friend and cyber-security expert Alan Silberberg.

Watch the full interview here.

Excerpt

Jasmine: Julie Spira Cyber-Dating Expert and author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating explains how the Internet now presents a sort of free for all.

Julie: “People feel like the Internet has become the “Wild, Wild, West and you can be anything you want t0 be. A woman can pose as a man, a man can pose as a woman.”

Jasmine: Social media is helping to expand this wild, wild west.

Julie: Social media is creating an environment where people have this false sense of being in a relationship when  they’re not.

Related: What’s the Buzz About Catfishing?

The most important thing I say to people is, “Don’t be a digital pen pal.” You’ve got to get offline to see if there’s offline chemistry. Otherwise you’re just flirting with someone and you’re getting a little high that you’re getting from that text message and the customized chirp from the love your life, but the love of your life may just be somebody sitting from behind a computer somewhere.

“For years the number one search term…every year at the end of the year Google puts out a list…is what is love?” says Julie Spira, Cyber-dating expert and author of “The Perils of Cyber-Dating.”

“If that’s the number one search term we know that the desire to be in love is so strong and powerful and if someone can come in and be that knight in white armor and that perfect princess and that dream girl, you get so caught up with being in love with love rather than meeting the person IRL (in real life),” says Spira.

Alan Silberberg talks about digital hygiene and says it’s almost like brushing your teeth and you’ll have less of a risk in having a problem.

Related: From Catfishing to to Online Dating Tips

Related: Is Your Date a Catfish?

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s been coaching singles on finding love online for over two decades and is the CEO and founder of Cyber-Dating Expert.

For more dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram and sign up for the Free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

Quote of the Day

Quote of the Day

When you love someone deeply, you pass through the bumps on the road without hitting the stop sign.

Quote of the Day

@JulieSpira

Sign up for our free Weekly Flirt for online and mobile dating advice and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and Facebook. 

Bumble Now Makes Men Reply or Match Disappears

Bumble 24 hour replyTo help prevent ‘ghosting’ dating app Bumble has just evened the playing field for the guys with their new “24 Hour Reply” feature.

The app, where women make the first move, had originally required women to reply to a mutual match within 24 hours or the match would expire. The guys on the other digital hand, could wait to reply to the women as long as they wanted to.

As reported on Mashable, Bumble’s CEO Whitney Wolfe explained that men had “essentially forever” to respond to the women’s initial emails keeping the women waiting, or resulting in guys not replying at all.

Since Bumble’s launch, women have made the first move over 50 million times on the mobile dating app.

Now, Men Must Reply in 24 Hours on Bumble

Now the men will also be on a 24-hour notice as the countdown clock to reply to women will start once they receive an email.

Wolfe told Mashable that with LGBTQ couples, either person can start the communication within 24 hours, but the person who receives the first message must also adhere to the new 24-hour rule as well.

Earlier this year, I was interviewed by ABC News about Bumble and how it was empowering women everywhere and had become a favorite among men, who wire tired of swiping right and getting matches, but few replies from the women.

Watch: Why Women Like Bumble on ABC

The 24- hour timer will make men step up to the plate, or the match will disappear, forever.

I’ve always said, “the squeaky wheel gets the digital love deal.” This puts this strategy to the test.

Bumble 24 hours

Source: Bumble

Bumble still will be empowering women by requiring that they make the first move when matched.

Earlier this year they added a new social networking feature to help you find a same sex friend to hang out with, expanding their service outside of dating.

Related: Bumble Helps You Find Your BFF

Guys, are you ready to step up to the digital plate and start chatting with the women?

Your comments are welcome.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating and Mobile Dating Expert. She was an early adopter of Internet dating and has been coaching singles on finding love online for two decades. Julie’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online and has been featured in the news over 1000 times on the subject of dating in a digital world.

Follow @JulieSpira on Instagram and Twitter for dating advice.

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How to Catch Your Cheating BF or GF on Tinder

SwipebusterI never thought it would have to come to this, but with over 10 million daily active users and over 100 million downloads, there are some who still can’t retire their Tinder profiles when they’re obviously in a relationship.

Rather than playing cyber-sleuth on your own, a new site/service called Swipebuster launched to help you spy on your significant other. Yes, the story went viral and it’s targeted to those who aren’t taking down their Tinder profiles.

A Global Index report showed that reported that 42% of Tinder users aren’t actually single, so is Tinder a social networking app, a dating app, or a place for couples to look for Plan B on a lonely night?

I say, “seek and ye shall find.” If you think your SO has an active Tinder profile, chances are one of your friends will bust them and let you know. But if you want to see it for yourself, Swipe Buster will do the deed, for a cost.

Related: Help! I Found My Boyfriend on Tinder

Here’s how Swipebuster Works

  1. For $4.99 curious users can input into a search field the name, age, and location of anyone they want to check up on.
  2. Swipe Buster looks for users in that area who fit the search criteria and allows the searcher to see user photos, last log on time, and whether they’re seeking men or women.

Swipe Buster gif

If you’re wondering how Swipebuster is able to retrieve this information, it’s because your info on Tinder is PUBLIC.  Swipebuster retrieves the information from Tinder’s application programming interface, or API, which holds all of the information about its users.

Related: This Strategy Ups Your Tinder Game

Since Tinder’s API and database are public, this information is easily accessible to anyone with an understanding of computer code. But the average person isn’t a coder, so they do background checks, Google searches, and now they have Swipe Buster, as well.

Despite wanting to expose cheaters, the man behind the genius of Swipebuster has other motives.

“There is too much data about people that people themselves don’t know is available,” the creator, who prefers to remain anonymous, told Vanity Fair via phone. “Not only are people oversharing and putting out a lot of information about themselves, but companies are also not doing enough to let people know they’re doing it.”

The intent of Swipebuster was to use a popular company and a juicy lure to educate people about how much of their personal information is available to the public and how easy it is to access it without hacking or even breaking any laws.

What do you think? Do you like the idea of being able to expose someone whose relationship status isn’t single,  or does it make you uncomfortable that this information is available for anyone around the globe to see?

Related: How to Delete Your Tinder Account

If you want our opinion, save the money and keep your wallet closed. Ask your boyfriend or girlfriend if they’re still on Tinder if that’s where you met and wait for an honest reply and save the anxiety and the $4.95.

We’d like to hear your comments.

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram

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Quote of the Day

QUOTE OF THE DAY

Quote of the Day

“The art of love is largely the art of persistence.” ~Albert Ellis

I’ve always said, “The squeaky wheel gets the digital love deal.” There’s so much truth to that with online dating or mobile dating apps. There’s a fine line between being needy and sending too many emails, to checking in again with someone who didn’t respond a week or two later.

You see, women get bombarded with emails and messages from guys. Guys know that, so they send a large quantity of messages or swipe right on just about everyone since it’s a numbers game.

The way it works, is to be proactive with your love life. Don’t sit around and wait for Mr. or Ms. Right to appear and sweep you off your feet. Give someone a chance if they make the effort to try to get your attention. Even if there’s no chemistry with them, you might make a new friend or perhaps can introduce hi or her to someone you know who would be a better fit.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo

Follow @Julie Spira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.

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Will Online Daters Support Trump? See What POF Survey Says

Dating and politics. The combination makes a hot topic when it comes to matters of the heart this political season.

If your date hates the sound of Hillary’s voice or you can’t wait to see Trump run the country and he or she disagrees, would it matter in your relationship?

Our friends at PlentyOfFish decided to take political questions such as these to the digital heart by surveying over 4,000 singles in the U.S. on the intersection of love and politics.

Thumbs Up or Down on Trump?

Only 1/3 of women surveyed stated they would be open to dating someone who supports Donald Trump, which means that men are immediately losing access to 40% of their dating pool by supporting him. That’s almost half of the potential single dating pool in the U.S.

Related: How to Use Swipe the Vote on Tinder to Find Your Candidate

Who is the Average Trump Supporter?

If you’re looking to date a Trump supporter, he may be easier to find than you think.

According to POF, Male Trump supporters are predominately Caucasian, in their early 50’s with a slightly higher than average income and slightly lower than average education. The study found that singles with a high school education are more than twice as likely to be a Trump supporter than more college-educated singles.

The study also found that Caucasian men who support Trump are less than half as likely to send a message to someone of a different ethnicity than non-supporters. Interesting.

Single Women Are Picky When it Comes to Politics

With 25% of survey respondents stating they won’t date someone who has drastically different political views than their own. Surprisingly, male Trump supporters are more open to the idea of dating someone of a different political view, with 58% willing to date a Democrat.We assume if she’s a Democrat with chemistry, the political issues will rank lower on the political totem pole for men, than for women.

However, only 19% of Democrat women are willing to give a Republican a chance.

“Navigating politics in your love life can be complicated, but it’s a topic many singles will have to tackle with someone they’re dating, especially in the months leading up to an election,” says Shannon Smith, Public Relations Communications Manager at POF. “This new data provides some great insight into how singles value political affiliations as a strong indicator for relationship compatibility, and shows how polarizing politics can be.”

Related: Do Politics and Love Help or Hurt Your Relationship?

 

POF Election Survey

Singles are Feeling the Bern

Among singles polled by POF, Bernie Sanders is the most favored candidate.

Over 71% of American singles plan to vote in the upcoming election, with a large portion of them identifying as Independent. The study found that only 22% of singles identify as Republican and 31% as Democrat.

How to Have “The Talk” With Your Significant Other

Talking politics with your significant other, especially early on in your relationship, can be a touchy subject. “Approach this conversation with caution, and always be respectful of the other person’s views – no matter how different they are than your own,” says Smith. “We’ve seen couples overcome much greater obstacles than dating across the aisle!”

In this year’s Singles In America study published by Match it was proven that talking about politics increases your chances of a second date by 91%, so don’t be shy. Watch the debates together and be open to the possibilities of another opinion posed by your date. Plus, couples passionate about politics are known to have better sex lives.

Will differing politics make a decision on who you select as a date or get serious with? Your comments are welcome.

Follow us on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.

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Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Mobile Dating Expert. She was an early adopter of online dating and has been coaching singles for over 20 years with her Irresistible Profiles dating programs.

 

 

 

 

5 Dating Apps That Aren’t Tinder

Dating Apps That Aren't TinderBurnt out on Tinder or maybe you’re just not feeling a spark ignite between you and your potential new flame?

At Cyber-Dating Expert, we’ve got a few Plan B’s to the rescue.

While Tinder is one of the hottest mobile dating apps out there and we recommend swiping right as part of your dating program, and while there are other popular apps like Happn, Bumble, and OKCupid that you might be familiar with, here are a few more dating apps to download right now.

Dating Apps That Aren't Tinder1. Dine

Dine wants to get you from a match to a dinner or drink date as soon as possible. You set up a standard dating app profile and then select three restaurants or bars (through Yelp integration) that you either love or would like to check out. Dine shows you 2 to 5 potential matches, and their restaurant preferences, and you can request to go on a date.

Features We Love: Dine auto-sorts your pictures based on which ones are proving to be the most popular. In the “First Date” section of your profile, you can offer to pay on the first date by selecting the “It’s my treat” option, or choose the  “Let’s meet with friends” option if you want to avoid any potential first date awkwardness.

Available on iOS

Dating Apps That Aren't Tinder2. Clover

This app claims to be a mix of Tinder, Match, OKCupid, Zoosk, and Plenty of Fish all rolled into one. Clover allows you to set up dates, view full screen photos, use photo filters, and organize potential interests. Using the Mixers feature, you can meet people with similar interests through topic-based group chat, which is like a mashup of Meetup and Reddit, according to POPSUGAR.

Features We Love: Clover allows you to look at your matches, people you’ve liked, and people who’ve liked you on three separate screens. There are also a wider range of profile settings like height, ethnicity, income, and religion. You can also state your intentions with the options of looking for people to chat with, looking for new friends, looking for a hookup, or looking for long-term.

Available on iOS

Dating Apps That Aren't Tinder3. The Grade

Step aside, Bumble, there’s a new female-friendly dating app in the digital dating world. The Grade aims to make women feel comfortable on mobile dating apps by holding users accountable for their behavior by using an algorithm that assigns letter grades to users. The goal of The Grade is #NoMoreCreeps and girls are able to swipe in a stress-free digital environment without having to worry about hostile messaging, inappropriate photos, or the worry of unrequited communication. Grades are based on profile quality, responsiveness, and peer-reviews generated from the opinions received by others.

Features We Love: Users with a grade of D or F are given a warning and instructions on how to improve their grade and users who maintain an F are expelled, which helps The Grade keep its community full of high-quality users who are both desirable and responsive.

Available on iOS and Android

Dating Apps That Aren't Tinder4. Align

If you’re an astrology fan, Align is perfect for you. Every day you’re given a new set of matches based on astrological compatibility and interests on your homepage, or constellation. Be sure to act quickly, as potential matches only stay in your constellation for 24 hours. User profiles display a different color scheme based on astrological sign: air signs (Gemini, Libra, and Aquarius) are yellow, earth signs (Taurus, Virgo, and Capricorn) are green, fire signs (Aries, Leo, and Sagittarius) are red, and water signs (Cancer, Scorpio, and Pisces) are blue.

Features We Love: Matches show up in your Constellation and the larger the star, the more astrologically compatible you are. Align has a Traits section of curated sign-specific traits (including emojis) that you can add to your profile and build your bio.

Available on iOS. Currently only in Los Angeles, New York City, and the Bay Area.

Dating Apps That Aren't Tinder5. Fliqpic

Video chat in real time to figure out if you have chemistry with your digital crush on Fliqpic. The app’s main feature allows you to video chat before deciding to say “yes” or “no” to potential matches. The different categories on the app allow you to easily find users who have similar interests to you. It’s like Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and Skype all in one!

Features We Love: Users can search for common interests by category and by hashtag, which makes finding users who like the same things as you even easier. Fliqpic allows you to hide your online status so that you can go incognito on the app if you don’t feel up to video chatting with previous matches (almost like being “Invisible” on Skype).

Available on iOS and Android

Do you have a favorite mobile dating app to add? We’d love to hear your comments.

This Strategy Ups Your Tinder Game

Here’s a little secret that’s been used over 20 million times by Tinder users to increase their responses by from their match.

Send a GIF (animated video) in your message. We’re sharing 20 of Tinder’s top GIFS with you in case you’re not sure which ones to use.

When Tinder, introduced their GIF button earlier this year to allow users to search through the Giphy database to send a GIF to their match, the impact on getting a response increased by 30%! Plus, using a GIF when communicating with your matches on Tinder means your conversation can last twice as long. After all, your potential date will want o know how you did that or might even ask if you created it on your own. It’s a great ice-breaker.

Think about it. You’re swiping and matching, but then the match either fizzles out, or you don’t hear back from him or her. As a Tinder dating expert, I know there’s a strategy to help you stand out so you can meet your match IRL.

Welcome to the world of Tinder, where many connect and others just sit and wonder why it’s not working for them.

If you’ve spent time on an online dating site such as eHarmony or on a mobile app such as Tinder or Bumble, you’ve probably experienced the awkward moment of not knowing what to say to your digital crush after you’ve matched with them.

Related: Tinder Update Ignites Gifs and New Flirting Features

Tinder co-founder and vice president of product, Jonathan Badeen, told Buzzfeed that “GIFs allow people to better say what they want and express emotion, which is something that’s really difficult to do in text alone.”

Badeen said another benefit is that “It opens up people to start more conversations and to break the ice,” and he couldn’t be more right.

Here’s the top 20 GIFs used on Tinder that will help make that first interaction with your Tinder love a little less awkward and give you something more to say than “hey.”

 

We know the default message is “hey” or “hi.” Wouldn’t it be more fun if your match received this gif instead? We think so.

Who wouldn’t love a heart shaped pizza? It says like, or love, and pizza is a universal language.

This GIF screams flirt, big time. Toss that hair and look aside. He’ll want to reply to this one.

Like “hey,” “How you doing” can get a better reaction than just typing the words.

Can you say, “wow!” Let’s schedule a date on the date card, now!

How flattering! There’s something sexy about a woman wearing glasses. Taking them off to view you? Yes, she’ll get a reply.

What a fun way to say hello. Pets can warm anyone’s heart, especially this cute one jumping out of the pool to say hello to you!

Ding dong. Happy holidays! Here’s a balloon bouquet just for you!

It’s the oldest line in the book and if written in text form, just might get deleted. However it screams charming in this GIF.

Don’t say no, when you can say YES! Plus the exclamation point gives it a double whammy.

Normally we don’t recommend hiding behind shades, but these perfectly manicured nails waiving hello to you is worth a reply.

Bat those eyelashes for a guaranteed reply to your message.

A drinking contest? Maybe not, but it’s sure funny and size is important, right?

Hello cowboy and let’s tip a hat for a reply. Yes!

It’s not just the ladies who should be batting the eyelashes. That sweet smile deserves a reply.

Blow him a kiss for a fast and flirty reply.

How proper and sweet. Ok, it’s a bit goofy, but that will get her attention.

Can someone save me? Maybe save me from the other guys on Tinder?

If you wave hello and look like you want to cuddle, your Tinder match just might reply to claim his or her hug.

Wishing you much love and joy on Tinder, or wherever you may roam. xo.

Instagram Julie SpiraThe Perils of Cyber-Datingtwitter - Julie Spira

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the CEO and founder of Cyber-Dating Expert and has been coaching singles on finding love online for over 20 years. Julie’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online, newly released with a magical epilogue and a fairy tale ending.

Sign up for the Free Cyber-Dating Expert Weekly Flirt newsletter for dating advice delivered to your inbox.

10 Ways to Flirt on St. Patrick’s Day

Cyber Dating ExpertYears ago, I would wear a button that said “Kiss Me, I’m Irish,” even though there was not a speck of Irish blood in me.

These days, to get into the spirit of St. Patrick’s Day, it’s time to ramp up your digital flirting skills, dress in green, and swipe right to fill your date card, or at least to enjoy the time together with the object of your affection or potential date.

1. Send a flirty text.  Texting the the person you have a crush on to say “Happy St. Patrick’s Day” will brighten their day. Add a four-leaf clover emoji. Even if they aren’t Irish, chances are they’ll reply to you.

2. Wear green.  Find the tackiest flashing buttons, goofiest, hats, and make sure to wear something green to celebrate. It’s the easiest way to strike up a conversation with someone on St. Patrick’s Day.

3. Change your dating profile.  It’s time to mix it up online. Post a photo wearing something green, ask if someone wants to get lucky in love, post quotes about the luck of the Irish and St. Patrick’s Day on your profiles and on social media. Get bolder and post “Kiss me if you’re Irish.” Start swiping right in the morning on Tinder, Bumble, or other mobile dating apps to find a date by the afternoon.

4. Send a GIF. Open your mobile dating app and send a GIF to your digital crush. These days, apps such as Tinder, Bumble, or even Twitter are using Giphy. Send a fun animated GIF to someone you’ve been chatting with to spice up the convo.

5. Send an animated e-card.  We’re big fans of JibJab!, where you send a customized a video or e-card starring you. It will come complete with background music and is guaranteed to give a smile or two.

6. Smile everywhere you go.  A smile is contagious and everyone wants to be around someone who appears to be happy. Practice the 5-second stare while smiling at someone you would like to meet. It’s the cue for them to come over and wish you a “Happy St. Patrick’s Day.” Who knows where the conversation will lead?

7. Compliment everyone.  You might normally run away from the guy with the tacky green tee shirt, but stop and say hello. Take it one step further and pose in a ‘selfie’ together.  He won’t be able to help himself and will put his arm around you for the photo. If the sparks start to fly, it’s your invitation to continue the conversation. Be even bolder and post it, with permission of course, on Facebook or Instagram.

8. Find a parade.  Go to a St. Patrick’s Day parade in your city. Everyone loves a parade and it will give you an excuse to start a conversation with those you end up bundled up with.

 

8. Go to the dog park.  There’s a reason it’s called puppy love. Put a green bandana on your dog’s collar and take a walk to the local dog park. Your dog will do the flirting for you and it will be a great conversation starter.

10. Make a Shamrock Shake. We have a healthy recipe for a Shamrock Shake that you’ll absolutely love and it can be a fun date idea. If you aren’t into buying the ingredients, and are flying solo, head to Starbucks for a coffee date and order a green tea Frappuccino, or go to a sushi bar and order green tea and green tea ice cream.

 

Wishing you much love, luck, and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. 

Julie Spira is America’s Top online dating expert and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com.

She’s the bestselling author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. For dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, Facebook, and sign up for the Free Weekly Flirt Newsletter.

Book Pop Up

Should You Text Him? 12 Facts About Texting #infographic

Text RegretThere’s so much digital confusion going one when it comes to texting and matters of the heart.

There’s no reason to wait by your phone to see if your digital crush or your boyfriend will be sending you a text, yet people still do.

When you or your sweetie are busy, sending a quick text is a great way to stay in touch when you can’t pick up the phone and call, or if you’re in between dates. Sending a flirty text can put a smile on his face and receiving one just might make your day.

Still, the amount of anxiety that surrounds sending or receiving text messages can’t be helped for many.

Related: 20 Flirty Texts to Capture His Heart

First all of all, let’s take a big deep digital breath and look at texting behavior.

10 Facts About Texting

  • Ladies, men don’t usually agonize over text messages the way that women do.
  • Over-texting or sending multiple texts before getting a response may make you appear needy.
  • Texting isn’t a replacement for hearing the sound of someone’s voice or getting together IRL.
  • Texting can be the best digital foreplay before a date. Saying what you’re wearing, or not wearing will result in a reaction of one type or another.
  • Texting shouldn’t be an obligation or chore.
  • Your value is not based on the response time of texts.
  • It’s fine to text him first, if you have something great to say.
  • Texting to confirm dates or if you’re running late is courteous.
  • If you have any doubt as to whether you should send a text, then don’t. Watch a rom-com instead.
  • Not everyone keeps their phone attached to their hip, but they do usually check it when they wake up and before they go to sleep.
  • If you’re reading this post, then you probably shouldn’t be sending a text.
  • Never, ever break up in a text message.

Related: Does Texting Make Your Dating Life Crazy?

If you still aren’t sure what to do, this handy-dandy Should I Text Him infographic has come to the rescue.

Should You Text Him

Source: Visual.ly

Now I know you’ve gone out on a limb before and have sent a text message, which didn’t get a reply. You might wonder, did he receive it? Was his phone turned off? Should I send it again?

A survey from JDate and ChristianMingle showed that the response time to a text should be between 1-4 hours. They also pointed out that 68% of singes still want to talk on the phone and schedule dates, as compared to 20% who prefer texting to schedule dates.

Related: Dating in a Texting World

My message to you is, don’t agonize over a text. Ten years ago, it wasn’t even a regular part of your vocabulary and no one was busy swiping right looking to fill their date cards.

At the end of the digital day, don’t play texting and waiting games. If someone sends you a text and you’re near your phone, reply. It’s the way people are communicating these days. If you can spare some extra time, pick up the phone and call to say hello. The sound of someone’s voice will never go out of style.

Did you like this post? Feel free to share it with your friends and loved ones.

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Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert, Mobile Dating Expert, and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating, and was an early adopter of Internet dating, coaching singles on finding love online for over 20 years. Find out how Irresistible Profiles will help you fill your date card to find your dream date.

Sign up for the free Cyber-Dating Expert Weekly Flirt newsletter for dating advice delivered to your inbox, along with the 7 Secrets to Finding Love Online.

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