Julie Spira on Finding Love Online for the Jewish New Year

In my world, every day is like Valentine’s Day.

Summer love isn’t on it’s way out. The last day of summer is on September 22nd.

For Jewish singles, we’re As we head into the Jewish holidays of Rosh HaShana, the Jewish New Year on September 9th, leading into and Yom Kippur on September 19th, it coincidentally occurs around the same time as ‘Cuffing Season,’ where couples tend to find a partner to make a commitment to in the fall.

RELATED: YOUR GUIDE TO CUFFING SEASON – GET READY TO COUPLE UP

Singles really want to connect and the Jewish New Year is really the start of the overall holiday season.

In conversation with the Jewish Journal, I spoke with writer Debra Eckerling on how Jewish singles can find love online, which was featured in the print edition of the newspaper, in the “Just Asking” column on page 62.

The online version can be found online here.

“We love our work, but we should also have love in our lives,” Spira told the Journal, “and love our partner, if we have time to find one.”

For Jewish singles looking for love, I recommend joining a site or mobile dating app such as JDate, JSwipe, or JCrush, and making sure your profiles on Match, eHarmony, Coffee Meets Bagel, OkCupid, Plenty of Fish, or Zoosk, and indicate that you’re Jewish, if faith is important to you.

“When it comes to matters of the heart, you need to leave the boardroom out of the bedroom. Being only in work mode leaves no room for someone to feel romantic. Women need to be able to shift, talk about different things over dinner. If you only talk about your career, you will be in the friend zone forever.”

Sometimes a summer romance will lead to marriage, as evidenced in a recent survey from Plenty of Fish, and we’ve got a few weeks left of summer.

Know that many summer romances don’t last, and when a door closes, another opens, especially with the thoughts of a sweet, New Year.  If that’s the case, here’s  how to end it gracefully.

RELATED: WHAT HAPPENS TO RELATIONSHIPS WHEN SUMMER ENDS

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam.

FOLLOW Online Dating Expert Julie Spira on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram @JulieSpira.

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Did you know that we now offer dating coaching by the minute? Download the app here  for iOs mobile phones and tablets, and let’s chat now.

Watch Match: The Musical for a Smile

I’ve always said that music can be an important part of your online dating profile and our friends at Match agree.

I’ve encouraged singles to include their favorite bands, use song lyrics for screen names, or list the upcoming concerts they’re scheduled to attend.

Many dating apps give you the ability to link your spotify account to your profile to see if you have similar musical taste, which is a great ice breaker.

Taking it a step further, Match created this fun musical video about a couple who met online and are excited about their new found relationship. The two are in serious crush mode and it will make you smile.

Watch this video of Match: The Musical

You just might find yourself humming along and clicking the replay button and logging on more often to find that same type of connection.

RELATED: How Music Can Improve Your Dating Profile

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam. xo

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and an award-winning dating coach. As an early adopter of Internet dating, she’s been coaching singles on finding love online for almost 25 years.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram

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CLICK HERE for 25% of  you membership to Match

This New Tinder Feature Will Help You Stand Out

Are you tired of swiping right on Tinder and waiting for a match to appear? Do you feel like you’re in a numbers game and it’s no longer fun to play anymore?

If you feel this way, you’re not alone.

Tinder has announced on their blog, a new feature rolling out called ‘Tinder Boost’ to help you appear at the top of a match search. This new feature will help you “skip the line,” so they say and will allow you to be viewed as a top profile for 30 minutes to increase your chances of getting a mutual match.

Related: Why You Won’t Delete Tinder When You’ve Found The One

Here’s how Tinder Boost Works

1. Make sure you’re in Tinder Mode (turn off the social feature)

2. A pop-up will appear asking if you want to skip the line.

3. Sign up for Boost and you’ve got 10 minutes to be in premium mode.

4. Watch the countdown clock and make sure you make the most of your 10 minutes.

5. Start matching, chatting, and meeting IRL.

Related: Bumble Makes Men Reply or the Match Disappears

P.S. Tinder Plus members get one free boost a week, so we suggest you use it on a Sunday or Monday night, where singles have either had a weekend of bad dates or were dateless and want to change that before the upcoming weekend.

Tinder’s sisters dating sites/apps Match and OkCupid are already charging singles to appear during peak hours and the Bumble dating app also has a boost premium feature.  The Tinder mega mobile dating app is now testing their boost service in Australia and will hopefully be in the U.S. soon.

Will you pay more on a mobile app to appear higher in a search?

Your comments are welcome.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating and Mobile Dating Expert. She’s the CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert and has been coaching singles on finding love online for over two decades.

For dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram, and sign up for the Free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

Dating Netiquette: Why Grammar Matters

The weekend is approaching and suddenly you realize your date card is empty.

The easiest solution is to log onto your favorite online dating site or mobile dating app and start swiping and writing to that cutie who has been sending you sweet little nothings, right?

Here’s the problem with rushing to respond to every email or text. You may be breaking the rules of netiquette.

• The auto-correct has become your worst nightmare.
• It doesn’t matter that you have multiple degrees and a big bank balance.
• What does matter is when you rush to reply and your grammar is a complete mess.
• Typos make you appear lazy and actually unintelligent.

The trend is to be casual when sending a text or email and if it’s to someone you’ve known for a while or a friend, it’s acceptable to abbreviate words. If you’re looking to make a great first impression in a crowded digital dating playground, you’ll be ignored or he or she will probably swipe left.

Here are a few examples of first texts and emails that will get ignored and how to fix them.

hey….saw your txt. wanna hang out this wknd?

What’s wrong with this one?

1. hey.  Horses hang out in hay. It’s too casual and you won’t appear like boyfriend or girlfriend material. You also haven’t taken the time to capitalize the letter H in hey. Swipe left.
2. saw your txt. The caps button is there for a reason. It’s goal is to help you write a sentence where the first word is capitalized. txt, well why can’t you add one more letter and say text?
3. Wanna hang out this wknd? Wanna isn’t a word, but you already knew that. wknd is short for weekend, but you knew that as well.

How r u doing?

What’s wrong with this one?

1. r u. I know it’s obvious, but it again doesn’t show you at your most intellectual best.
2. Take the time and write something more personal in a full sentence. A good example would be:  Hi Patty! Happy Wednesday. How’s your day going so far?

Still stumped? I put together a list of 20 Flirty messages to capture his or her heart. Use this as your digital cheat-sheet and remember, sending a good morning and a good night text to someone you have a crush or your current girlfriend or boyfriend will make them think warm fuzzy thoughts about you all day and even into their dreams at night.

Related: Why Texting and Dating Make Women Anxious

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating and Mobile Dating Expert. She’s the founder of Cyber-Dating Expert and has been helping singles find love online for over 20 years. For more dating advice, sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram.

OkCupid Relaunches OkTrends Blog – Reveals if Looks Matter

One of my favorite parts of OkCupid had been the fabulous data curated into blog posts by co-founder Christian Rudder on OkTrends.

For the past three years, OkTrends has gone into silence mode. Today, Rudder revealed data from their Internet dating user base showing that looks aren’t always what counts when it comes to communicating in an online dating site. Rudder announced, “We Experiment On Human Beings” as the title of the long-awaited post.

From OkCupid’s day of hiding photos, to suggestions of a higher percentage for a potential match, one thing we know for sure, the algorithms do have an impact while looking for love online.

Full blogpost here

Let’s take a look at the three different experiments.

1. Love is Blind, Or Should Be

On the 10th anniversary of OkCupid, they launched Crazy Blind Date, a mobile app. The basis of this was that you’d meet someone who’s face had been “mashed up” like a puzzle, so you didn’t know what they looked like. In celebration, OkCupid spent one day mashing up all of their members in an experiment, only to find that 44% of those wrote 1st messages to people, of which they had no idea what they looked like.

2. So What’s a Picture Worth?

OkCupid previously let users rate profiles based on looks and personality. Eventually, they changed it to rating based on looks only. What they found is that only 10% of people rated a profile based on it’s text. Does that mean that 90% of people rate profiles based on looks only? Understandably so. This is why all of the mobile dating apps have been so popular and game-like.

3. The Power of Suggestion

As a Digital Matchmaker, I spend hours-and-hours every day analyzing profiles to find the perfect match for my clients. They have to go by my word and recommendation to write to or respond to a flurry of potential dates because I strongly advised them to do so. This has resulted in singles dating outside their social circles and meeting men or women that they didn’t think was their type.

OkCupid seems to agree. By changing the suggested recommendations from one with a low match percentage to a higher match percentage, their users started to communicate with people that weren’t necessarily a match, based on the algorithms. Were they playing with your digital mind? Just a bit.

Time reports that Rudder will be back to business posting on the OkTrends blog every four weeks while waiting for his book Dataclysm: Who We Are to be released in September.

Are you rating profiles based on looks alone? Do percentages matter to you? Your comments are welcome.

Photo credit: Fotolia

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of the Internet and creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter for dating advice and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

Los Angeles Singles – Win Tickets to #Coherence Movie and Pre-Party

 

What’s more fun that finding love and going to a fun Hollywood party when you’re single?

Our friends at Cupid.com are hosting a screening for singles to the film Coherence in Los Angeles for some of their lucky members the night before it opens and they’ve asked us to spread the word for them!

In their Set Love Free promotion, Cyber-Dating Expert readers will get to attend this event for one of the best sci-fi films of the year.

If you sign up now and for tickets to the pre-screening of the Coherence movie, you also get invited to their private pre-party, with some cast members and free food and drinks.

About Coherence the movie:

On the night of an astrological anomaly, eight friends at a dinner party experience a troubling chain of reality bending events. Part cerebral sci-fi and part relationship drama, this film is a tightly focused, intimately shot film that quickly ratchets up with tension and mystery.

Watch the Trailer

Here are the details:

What: Coherence Movie Screening and Pre-Party

Where: Pre-Party: Good Luck Bar, 1514 Hillhurst Ave, Los Angeles, CA 90026; Screening: Vista Theatre, 4473 Sunset Blvd. Los Angeles, CA

When: Thursday, June 19, 2014; Party at 5:30pm, Screening at 7:30pm

Why: Because Cupid.com is launching in Los Angeles!

RSVP: https://www.evite.com/event/0355VMUVMIAQ6I7C6EPD3GX2XP5VBI before it fills up!

Follow: @JulieSpira on Twitter and like us at Facebookcom/CyberDatingExpert for more details

Cyber-Dating Expert is working with Cupid.com as a paid spokesperson for their #SetLoveFree program.

He Texts me Daily. Are We in a Relationship?

Dear Cyber Dating Expert,

I met this wonderful guy online and we connected on our first date. Yes, it was exciting to have chemistry and we kissed at the end of the date.

By the time I got home, my new guy had already sent me a text message saying how much he enjoyed our date and wanted to get together again. I went to sleep with a smile on my face.

Suddenly, he was sending me a text message saying “Good morning” every day, checked with me during the day, and even to say good night. Because of our busy work schedules, we had a difficult time putting a second date on the calendar. Actually, we tried several times and one of us, usually him, had to cancel due to business or for some other reason, but I did go to his house to watch a movie a few times. I kept suggesting a real date, like one where we’d go to dinner at a restaurant, but it didn’t happen.

Before the New Year, I realized it wasn’t going anywhere, but had remorse about it over the holidays. I am finding this is common, I mistook his daily texts as effort when he hadn’t made any real plans. He would want to see me day of and I would already have plans. Nonetheless, I wished him a Merry Christmas via text then he wished me Happy New Year so I thought we weren’t entirely over.

Last week, he messaged me again and we flirted and talked about doing dinner on Wednesday. I shared with him that we had amazing chemistry on our first date and I wanted us to get to know each other better over dinner. Sunday night he messages me to come over to his place and stay the night with him and that kind of showed me where I stood. I have been to his place 3 times already! He has never been to my place and why would I stay the night with him prior to reconnecting at dinner?!?!

He called me Wednesday and we postponed getting together to Friday night. He mentioned possibly moving for work, which raised my guard even further. Thursday we exchanged some texts and I haven’t heard from him since. Fortunately I can laugh at it all. I’m glad we never slept together. I don’t go from 0 to 360. A part of me is still a little hurt and disappointed that what I had hoped would happen didn’t. But it takes two to tango and two to make an effort and while passion are SUPER important to me, I need to be romanced a little before I go there.

How could I really believe we were in a relationship and that he was courting me? Did he texts mean nothing?

Disappointed in California

 

Dear Disappointed,

Texting is so easy to do and has become a part of most daters’ regime. However, I view texting as a flirty way of keeping in touch, while you’re courting, dating, or even in an exclusive relationship. Your guy sends you texts to keeping you on the hook, sucked in, with the hope that you’ll think a real relationship is in the cards. He knew your relationship goals, but he was clearly on a different page. Quite simply, he was looking for a relationship of convenience and was hiding behind his mobile phone.

How many women was he texting while making you feel like you were special? Probably many. Invitations to come to his home may have been sent to several women, with the first one to bite ending up in bed with him. I once knew a man who like clockwork on Friday sent a text message to 10 women he either had slept with, were ex-girlfriends, or women he wanted to pursue. He was a classic player. He invited them each out to drinks and whoever responded first was the one he ended up spending the night with. Be happy that you didn’t jump at the chance to be in a girl in rotation.

You did nothing wrong other than open your heart to the possibilities and fortunately not more.

So, keep true to yourself and know there is someone else out there. I would not have ANY contact with this guy. Be open to meeting someone else. I always quote Stevie Nicks from the song “Dreams.” “Players only love you when they’re playing.”

It Sounds like he wanted a relationship of convenience, a hookup, or whatever. When a man wants you to be his girlfriend, he?ll do whatever it takes to let you know and to make sure he claims you as his.

?It didn’t mean there wasn’t real chemistry. Let’s not confuse lust with the desire for love. It didn’t mean that he didn’t like and adore you. Men love the game and love the chase.? As a woman with a huge heart, it’s easy to get sucked in to the possibility of romance and finding someone special.

It’s a new year and time to find someone who’s on the same page. Enjoy the flirty texting, but until two people agree that they’re dating exclusively, they’re not in a relationship.

Julie

Do you have a question about dating, love and romance? Send your questions to CyberDatingExpert.com/contact and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter for online dating advice.

Match Wants To Help A Couple Propose Marriage

Thinking of Popping the Q?

Did you know that 39% of engagement ring purchases occur between Thanksgiving and Valentine’s Day?

Before you go out and buy that diamond ring she’s been dreaming of, if you’re one of the many online dating couples who have found love on Match.com, you? just may be in luck.

Our friends at Match.com have just announced a contest to help you “Pop the Question” in style worth over $15,000.? Complete with a diamond engagement ring from Robbins Brothers, a custom-designed proposal plan from The Proposal Planner (TM) and wedding expert Sarah Pease, and a videographer to professionally capture your proposal, you’ll have an engagement to remember.

“Creating personalized proposals for couples that they will never forget is a dream come true,” said Sarah Pease. “I’m looking forward to collaborating with and celebrating Match.com’s success by creating the next proposal sensation for one lucky couple.”

Success couples who met on Match can enter from November 4, 2013 through November 22, 2013 at www.metonmatch.com. and and answer the question,

“Why does your match deserve the ultimate proposal?”

For over five years, Match.com  has ranked the highest of our success stories in our Cyber Love Story of the Week feature. It’s been an honor and joy to help many singles find love on their online dating site. If you have any friends who’ve met on Match and are thinking of getting engaged, forward them these details.

Note: Entries will be judged by a panel of experts based on each submission’s creativity and the human interest value of the couple’s story.

NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. VOID WHERE PROHIBITED. Only open to continental US residents age 18+ as of entry date. Sponsor: Match.com, L.L.C., 8300 Douglas Ave., Suite 800, Dallas, TX 75225. Contest runs from 12:00 A.M. (CST) on November 4, 2013 through 11:59 P.M. (CST) on November 22, 2013. Aggregate retail value of prizes: $15,500.

Follow Online Dating Expert @JulieSpira on Twitter for online dating advice and sign up for our Free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

Photo credit: Fotolia

Help! My friends say I’m addicted to online dating

Dear Julie,

After my divorce three years ago, one of my single friends suggested I try online dating. I wasn’t sure if it was for me, but now my ego is invested and I’m going on at least five dates a week. When the dates are over, I log back on to see who else I can meet.

While I’m excited to meet so many different people, I never can get to the point of wanting to be with just one guy. I’m not sleeping with anyone, but my friends think I’ve got commitment issues and the thought of taking down my profile makes me anxious.

Then when I see a guy I’ve dated has met someone else and moved on, I feel bad.

Is this normal?

Online Dating Addict

Dear ODA,

Joining an online dating site after a divorce is a great way to rebuild your self-esteem. Sure the ego is being stroked with so many men writing to you and watching your inbox fill up with male suitors. There?s no magic timetable of how long you should play the digital field, but at some point, being a permanent member of an online dating site can be demoralizing.

Decide exactly what you’re looking for and make sure you’re upfront about it both on your profile and during your dates. Let men know that you’re newly single and will be casually dating multiple guys for a while. At some point, you need to decide if you really want to be in a relationship or not. Becoming one who needs to log on for hours a day every day without ever finding a relationship doesn’t mean you’re an online dating addict. It just means you’re enjoying meeting many different types of people online that you wouldn’t have had the chance to meet offline.

If it’s truly your goal to find one special person to share your life with, when you find chemistry and mutual interests with someone, you need to give the guy the chance to be your one and only to see what it’s like to be in a relationship. Yes, that means taking down your profile. If it doesn’t work out, then just reactivate your profile and keep searching.

When you’re ready to go steady, you’ll know it. Until then, enjoy meeting a variety of people. I always say there are 64 colors in the Crayola crayon box. I feel the same way about online dating. It’s not an addiction unless you feel it’s a problem. Don’t let your friends comments influence how you feel about dating after a divorce.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.

Julie Spira

Do you have a question for Cyber-Dating Expert Julie Spira? Send your questions here and read other Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert columns for online dating advice.

Julie Spira is a top online dating expert and author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating. She was an early adopter of online dating and creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating advice, sign up for the free Weekly Flirt.

Does Online Dating Really Work?

The big news in the online dating world is that couples who have met through an online dating site have a higher marital satisfaction rate than those who met offline.

In a Harris Interactive study, commissioned by eHarmony, the new statistics show that over 1/3 of recent marriages have actually met online. This clearly shows that more people are interested in finding a serious relationship through a digital connection. The findings were published in the journal, Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.  The study, titled “Marital satisfaction and break-ups differ across on-line and off-line meeting venues,” is based on a survey of almost 20,000 people who wed between 2005 and 2012.

Just how much more satisfied are these relationships? On a scale of 1-10, relationships from online dating ranked 5.64 as compared to offline relationships at 5.48. Of those who met online, 45% met in a traditional online dating site and almost 21% met on a social networking site.

In a recent radio interview on AmericaWeekend, I discussed the eHarmony findings with Turi Ryder. You can listen to our radio show broadcast here.

To be successful in online dating, I believe that you need to be very specific in what you’re looking for. More-and-more people are joining online dating sites for the first time, due to divorce, death of a spouse, or relationships running their course.

Earlier this year, we launched Facebook Love Stories to focus on the large amount of couples who are finding love through social networking sites.

So does online dating work? It certainly does, but you need to be patient and diligent in the process if you’re seriously interested in finding love on the Internet. Those who give up after a week or a month will be naysayers, but those who understand that finding love or a life partner is probably more important than finding your next job, should take the time and enjoy the journey.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.

Julie Spira is a top online dating expert and dating coach. She’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Julie creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt.

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