Voting is Sexy. OkCupid Says “I Voted” is the New “I Love You.”

OkCupid Voting Report

With the combustive election cycle heading into high gear, you have to be living under a rock to avoid the topic of politics.

In fact, not having an opinion can hurt your chances of finding a date or a romantic partner, according to a new report from OkCupid.

The site reports that politics continues to be the top deal-breaker in dating, with 76% of singles saying how their date leans is vital to them.

According to the OkCupid Voter 2020 report, 500,000 people responded they could not date someone who didn’t vote, with 85% of registered voters more likely to receive a message from a potential date, and 63% of registered voters more likely to get matched.

OkCupid Registered Voters

“Now more than ever, daters want to connect with people who share their values,” says Ariel Charytan, OkCupid’s CEO. “We have always empowered people to match on what matters to them, and our millions of daters across the United States overwhelmingly prioritize civic engagement when it comes to finding someone they are compatible with.”

To help single daters during this gut-wrenching and unprecedented time, OkCupid has created a new voter badge that will automatically be added to members’ profiles if they answer the question, “Are you registered to vote in the 2020 election?”

OkCupid voter badge

This voter badge shows you care about this divisive country we’re living in. By including this badge, along with a previously released badge for Black Lives Matter displayed on your profile, is, in my opinion, a magnet for love.

Singles who say they aren’t registered to vote will soon be redirected to a page on OkCupid in partnership with “When We All Vote,” to register to vote in real-time. The WWAV initiative was launched by Michelle Obama, Tom Hanks, Lin Manuel-Miranda, and Janelle Monae, among others, to help singles register to vote in the 2020 election.

Love is at stake, and now is the time to show your values to connect with someone during this critical and historic election.

If the pandemic and civil unrest haven’t widely opened your eyes, perhaps OkCupid’s state-by-state interactive map will show how singles feel about serious issues of families separated at the border, prison reform, climate change, and stricter gun control. At least they’ll give you topics of conversation to discuss when you match with your date.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you swipe and roam leading to election day.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and the founder of Cyber-Dating Expert. She’s the author and creator of Love in the Age of Trump: How Politics is Polarizing Relationships, and has been helping singles navigate love for over 25 years.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Instagram and Twitter.

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Love at the Polls – Close to 90% of Singles Won’t Date Someone Who Didn’t Vote

Do you remember when the “off-limits” subjects on a date were politics and religion?

The world is all eyes on the 2018 Midterm Elections, and not voting just isn’t sexy this time around.

Political conversations have permeated the Internet, social media, and most certainly have been tagging along on dates since Donald Trump ran for and won the Electoral College.

In the dating world, it continues to heat up, with dating app Bumble expanding users profiles to include stating your political party by selecting if you’re apolitical, moderate, liberal, or conservative, and separately, you can now indicate if you’re a voter, or if you’re not voting this time around.

On OkCupid, they continue to expand their political questions. The dating site and app found leading into the midterms, that over half (58%) of Millennial women “believe a partner who exercises their right to vote is more attractive than exercising.”

While researching and writing my book, Love in the Age of Trump: How Politics is Polarizing Relationships, I found that the majority of singles, especially women, agreed that dating someone who didn’t vote was a turn-off, and clearly a dating deal-breaker. Several women actually came forward to say they turned down a date when they found out their date didn’t vote for President.

On Facebook on the eve of the Midterm Elections, I decided to get a temperature reading and posted questions of:

“Is Dating someone who doesn’t vote a turnoff?”

“Would you date someone who doesn’t vote?”

The responses and comments were heated, with the majority, 87%, saying they won’t date someone who didn’t vote, as compared to 13% who said they would. Some actually engaged in same-sex flame wars with those with different political views.

One friend tagged me on Facebook with someone else’s comment of, “Don’t bang people who don’t vote.”

Yes, politics is entering the bedroom.

Here’s a curated list of some of the responses and sentiments people are posting about voting in the age of Trump.

Feel free to comment, and please, show up to the polls and vote.

Midterm Poll

“As long as they didn’t vote for Trump.”

“I’d vote to DUMP them. If you don’t vote, you don’t really care about the direction of our country. I couldn’t fall for someone who really didn’t care about that.”

“[Voting] says a lot about a person and if they don’t care/participate in our democracy. Life’s too short to waste an hour. Ask ahead.”

“It’s important to be a participant in society! No excuse not to vote! Shows laziness, self-centered character traits; maybe someone who is greedy.”

“It says a lot about a person if they don’t care/participate in our democracy. Life’s too short to waste an hour. Ask ahead.”

“If you don’t participate, you forfeit the right to criticize.”

“Apathy is not sexy.”

“Complete turn-off and I wouldn’t date someone who didn’t vote.”

“I’d give them a pass if they were a convicted felon and could not vote. But then again, dating a convicted felon might not be such a good idea either.”

“No…that means they don’t care about their country.”

“I’d get SERIOUS with someone intelligent, responsible, and driven enough to be an informed voter.”

“I did and it was not good. Our basic values were so clearly illustrated by our differences in political beliefs to begin with.”

“No way! If they’re that disconnected about elections, I’d also be concerned about what else is being glossed over.”

“Election Day has always been my Super Bowl! Tough to nerd out with someone who’s not engaged with the process.”

“YES— I would not date someone who doesn’t vote and it’s okay to agree to disagree, but it has to be based on logical facts, not emotional fiction.”

“Absolutely a no go! Voting is a moral responsibility.”

“I wouldn’t let someone’s voting habits or political beliefs get in the way of love.”

“If you don’t care enough to vote this point, you should leave the country.”

“If you don’t vote, I will not date you. I don’t care who you vote for, but please vote.”

“If he doesn’t vote, he’d better have a big bank account and a bad cough.”

“It would irk me, but not make me reject him. Now I would reject someone who votes Republican.”

“Turn off for sure.”

“Politics is not a factor in a personal relationship.”

“Might depend more on how they vote, not just if they vote.”

“Someone who votes for Trump or Republicans in these midterms is a turn-off.”

“Here’s my position on non-voters. Shut the F up about government! When you vote, you may participate in the conversation. Take being a citizen seriously by voting.”

“No vote stub. No tongue.”

“If someone doesn’t vote or doesn’t find voting important, it is literally one of the biggest turn-offs.”

“Would you rather have a great voting life or a great sex life? Hint, only one of these will most likely lead to a divorce.”

“To each his own, although I would try to convince him that it matters. Not a deal-breaker to me.”

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of online dating, and as the CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert, has been coaching singles on finding love online for over 20 years. Julie’s the author of Love in the Age of Trump: How Politics is Polarizing Relationships.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram.

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Can Trump and Non-Trump Supporters Still be Friends?

Photo credit: Fotolia

A new politics study from Pew Research Center confirms the pain that many of you have been feeling both online and offline; friendships and romance are feeling stressed when the subject of Donald Trump comes up, and inevitably it will.

The Pew poll of over 2,500 adults conducted from June 27 – July 9, 2017, and released on July 20, 2018, shows that a majority (52%) of American’s are paying attention to politics since Donald Trump was elected president, with almost 60% of women driving the political conversations.

Almost half of the Democrats in the study admit that supporting Donald Trump is putting a strain on relationships, and members of both parties believe that someone supporting the other party didn’t share the same values and goals as they did. Most of us know someone who has lost a friend or romantic partner due to differing politics, right?

I believe this strong divisiveness is a reality that isn’t going to go away soon.

While researching my upcoming book, Love in the Age of Trump: How Politics is Polarizing Relationships, I have seen similar findings, with women being less willing to date across party lines than men. I’ve also witnessed the testing of friendships, and people who quickly unfriended and blocked people they used to be close with on social media.

As someone who’s in the business of forging love relationships, I believe in taking an inclusive approach, and for people to be open-minded about listening to another point of view, but I’m even more aware that the struggle is real, and the stress that Pew has confirmed is as intense as the reality show that our country is living in.

I’ve gone on record as saying politics ranks higher on the dating totem pole than dating a smoker who could quit. In addition, we’ve added the subject “politics” to all of our dating coaching consultations, and have found the majority of liberals said they wouldn’t date a Trump supporter, with the majority of conservatives said they’d prefer not to talk about politics.

When dating site OkCupid asked the simple question of “Trump?” in their online questionnaire, the majority of their members who answered said, “Hell no,” and since 90% of their members support the ACLU, singles are proudly including the #RighttoLove badge in their profiles as part of the partnership with the ACLU.

If you’re single and living in D.C., there will be slim pickings when it comes to dating. Politico reports that if you work for the Trump administration, it’s hard to find a date, but this isn’t happening just in D.C. I see it everywhere.

These days, on Facebook, even a political cartoon can result in a visceral reaction from your friends.

When I posted the meme of Bob and Sally on Facebook, I was trying to get a temperature reading from my friends. The meme went viral, and the comments poured in, with the majority saying “No, we can’t be friends with a Trump supporter.” Many took it a step further and said, “We can’t even be friends with someone who is friends with a Trump supporter.”

I was told I wasn’t taking a strong enough position against my Trump-supporting social media friends, even though the majority of my friends did lean to the left.

I have strong views and opinions where it comes to our current administration but have an even stronger desire to make sure love prevails past Trump’s current or potential future term.

If Politics is Important to You, Wear it Proudly

Yes, Donald Trump has polarized our country, our families, and our friends. Wearing a political baseball cap including “#NOTMYPRESIDENT” or on the opposite side, a “MAGA” hat, are now both front and center on dating profiles.

OkCupid profiles are proudly filled with the #RighttoLove badge, and singles now instruct potential partners to “swipe left if you voted right.”

This presidency has brought the conversation about values and attitudes to the table, and I believe that’s a good thing. Finding someone like-minded about the issues that are the most important to you will help you find a partner to join you on this turbulent journey in Trump’s America.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and is the CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert. She’s the author of the upcoming book, Love in the Age of Trump: How Politics is Polarizing Relationships and has been coaching singles for almost 25 years on finding love online.

Contact Julie

FOLLOW @JulieSpira

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OkCupid Creates Right to Love Badge to Support ACLU

One of our favorite online dating sites, OkCupid has partnered with the ACLU for a #RighttoLove Badge to show their support of ACLU, inclusion in honor of Pride month.

As reported on the OkCupid blog, 90% 0f OkCupid users who answered the YES to the question,”Do you support the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU)?” will receive the badge.

Also, OkCupid will be donating $1 for each user who adds the badge to their profile, up to $50,000.

Ariel Charytan, CEO of OkCupid says on their blog, “Nothing is more attractive than people who believe in every individual’s #RightToLove who they want to love.”

The site reports a 64% Increase in Political Terms on Dater’s Profiles in 2018, and we see similar sentiments and trends at Cyber-Dating Expert, with singles swiping left on Trump supporters, or making politics a deal-breaker for dating.

The conversation about politics on OkCupid is working, as they report profiles that included politics are, “52% more likely to have mutual likes and 78% more likely to have a successful conversation than members who do not.”

Charytan adds, “At OkCupid, we’re proud to be a champion of inclusivity because we believe you should be able to love whomever you want, regardless of your gender, sexual orientation, or ethnicity.”

Interesting stats on daters who support the ACLU include:

Ok Cupid ACLU

They’re 4 times more likely to consider themselves feminist (and are looking to dating a feminist)
They’re 2 times as likely to have responded “hell no” to the question,”Trump?”
They’re 30 times more likely to believe in climate change.

Melissa Hobley, chief marketing officer at OkCupid, tells Refinery29, “LGBTQ communities using political filters on OkCupid comes from the feeling that their rights are under attack by the current presidential administration.” Hobley adds, “Many folks don’t want to have the experience of talking to someone, going on a date, only to find that they voted for Trump — because the stakes are very high.”

Every OkCupid user who answered the question of “do you support the ACLU” will receive the badge on their profile.

OkCupid was the first dating app to offer 22 gender and 12 orientation options on their users profiles.

If you’re’ a member of OkCupid, click here to answer the question and to receive the badge.

At Cyber-Dating Expert, we believe in inclusion and love for all. We constantly track the trends of politics and dating. We know the importance of finding a date with similar attitudes and values, and are proud of the dating industry as they address these issues.

Julie Spira is and award-winning dating coach and America’s Top Online Dating Expert . She’s the CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert and has been coaching singles on finding love online for almost 20 years with her Irresistible Profiles programs. As a political dating expert, Julie’s now writing her third book, Love in the Age of Trump: How Politics is Polarizing Relationships.

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SURVEY: Singles Would Rather Have Bad Sex than Date a Trump Supporter

POF Political survey

I’m a believer in truth-in-advertising, and as I said in my essay, Can Love Survive Trump, the challenges of dating in Trump’s America have been painful, and have resulted in reducing the dating pool by 50% for those with strong opinions on either side of the political spectrum.

This new survey of 2,000 singles in the U.S. conducted by online dating site Plenty of Fish shows that people are living and dating by their beliefs.

When I read the study, which claims that 34% of singles would rather have bad sex for the rest of their life than date a Trump supporter, I quickly realized this heated subject isn’t slowing down. Our commander-in-chief still affects the way singles select their dates online.

The Conversation survey breaks it down further and states:

59% of singles won’t start talking to someone whose dating profile promotes a different political opinion.
52% of Republicans and 65% of Democrats won’t start a conversation with a political opposite.
84% of singles find it’s best to openly discuss their divided views with their partner.

I asked POF’s Conversation Expert Celeste Headlee to weigh in and elaborate on these findings in the Conversation Nation 2018 study, to help answer questions that my dating coaching clients always ask.

Julie: Should singles post their political opinions in their dating profiles?

Celeste: It may not be a good idea to put your politics on your profile. As we can see, many people make quick decisions about dating based on political issues, and it’s much better (and less likely to cause friction) if you talk about them face-to-face.

Julie: When should someone bring up politics? Before a first date? In their profile? On the first date?

Celeste: It’s okay to choose one issue that you know you’re passionate about and bring it up on the first or second date, as long as you are kind while you do it, and have no intention of arguing. Let the other person know you’re just trying to see if the two of you are compatible.

Otherwise, leave that political conversation for the second or third date and don’t argue or yell at anyone. If they disagree and you can’t see yourself with that person, be honest and be kind.

Julie: Why has dating a Trump supporter become such a hostile issue?

Celeste: Dating a Trump supporter can be an issue for people because he’s the culmination of a long trend toward polarization and division in politics. Whatever you may think of him, the evidence shows he is the most divisive president in US history.

He has taken some extreme stances on many issues and that means he’s upset and offended people. So, it’s common for people to say that they can’t date a Trump supporter, or will only date a Trump supporter. We think that knowing someone’s position on the president tells us more about them than it really does.

Julie: Why is politics a bigger deal-breaker than bad grammar?

Celeste: One of the surprises in this study is that more people are turned off by bad grammar than by bad sex. But the number of people who won’t date across party lines is larger still.

At this point, it’s very difficult to avoid talking about politics, as nearly every aspect of our lives has become political: what we eat, what music we listen to, what movies we watch. So, it’s important to talk about politics with your date, but be prepared to listen more than you talk and not try to change anyone’s mind.

Julie: How can you communicate in a healthy way with someone with different political beliefs.

Celeste: If your goal is to learn about the other person’s opinions, instead of talking about your own and arguing your position, you’ll be much more likely to have a healthy conversation. If they say something you find troubling, you can say, “I disagree with you, but I’m interested in learning why you believe that.” It’s difficult and sometimes scary to talk about politics with other people, so be kind and be welcoming.

Julie: How can liberals and conservatives co-exist in the dating world?

Celeste: Liberals and conservatives can date each other and be happy. The most common reasons for divorce are money, cheating, and a lack of together time, not politics. If you can learn to allow the other person to have their own thoughts and opinions, to discuss without arguing, to stop trying to change their mind or convince them they’re wrong, you will get along just fine.

What happens in government will not, in the long run, determine the success or failure of your relationship. If you create a party loyalty test for all of your dates, you may end up walking away from someone who is a perfect match for you in every other way.

On that note, has dating in Trump’s America affected your choice of daters, or caused tension in your relationship?

We’d like to hear from you with your stories, so contact us at CyberDatingExpert.com/contact

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert and has been coaching singles on finding love online for 24 years with her Irresistible Profiles programs.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira for dating advice on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.

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Does Love ‘Trump’ Politics? Match Survey Says Yes

Source: Match

Last year, I believe Donald Trump hijacked Valentine’s Day.

This year, I’m relieved love is back atop the dating totem pole.

In 2017, with the Inauguration Day and Valentine’s Day less than a month apart, the results of the Electoral College vote permeated the bedroom, as well as surfaced in heated rants on social media, dividing friendships and romantic partners.

As a dating coach and love expert, the news media mostly wanted to talk to me about politics over love.

To say love got kicked to the curb by Donald Trump last year is an understatement, but our country was hurting, and relationships suffered.

I spend my days coaching singles and hearing about their attitudes on politics and dating.

I’m happy to report I’ve noticed a shift since the new year where singles have been less interested in mentioning politics on their profiles in 2018.

In a previous Match Singles in America Survey from 2016, the dating site found 91% of singles had a better chance of getting to a second date if they mentioned politics on the first date.

With mobile dating profiles filled with text including, ‘Swipe left if you believe in all things Trump,’ to ‘Swipe Right if you think Trump is making America Great Again,’ the sentiments were strong with politics becoming one of the top deal-breakers for singles.

I spoke with Angela Hart, political writer for the Sacramento Bee on the effects of politics and love. Her piece, How Donald Trump is Killing Romance drew harsh criticism from Sean Hannity, who was apparently stunned that singles didn’t want to date a Trump supporter during one of his radio shows.

I even posted my heartfelt and emotional essays, Can True Love Endure Donald Trump and Love and Loss in the Age of Trump, where I painfully expressed how even the best relationships were getting tested due to conflicting political attitudes and views, including mine.

Now, I’m pleased to share the Match Singles in America Survey, of dating habits from 2017, just released for the 2018 Valentine’s season.

The survey shows things have lightened up for daters in the divisive political arena we’ve been living in.

In a section of the survey titled, “The Trump Effect” the Match results showed that singles put love first, ahead of our combative political climate.

Single Daters Will Now Date Across Party Lines

Match’s report showed that an overwhelming majority of singles (72%) would be willing to cross party lines with their date, with only 10% believing dating a Republican is a deal breaker and 5% saying they wouldn’t date a Democrat.

The survey, released just two days after Trump’s State of the Union address, shows singles are willing to be open to a different political point of view, with 45% saying they would try to understand the other’s perspective.

While politics was such a hot dating topic during the election year, 26% of singles in the survey said they’d change the subject if it came up on a date.

Does this mean the topic of politics is off the table for singles? Not at all. In the survey, 54% of singles think it’s important to find out their date’s political views, but the days of walking out on a date are gone, with only 5% admitting they would leave immediately.

It’s refreshing news for those seeking love and romance, and I couldn’t be happier.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s been coaching singles on finding love online for over 24 years with her Irresistible Profiles programs.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter

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Can Love Withstand Donald Trump? A Dating Expert’s Story

I have a confession.

I’ve been hiding a secret and can no longer remain silent.

As a dating coach in the business of love, I saw first-hand the strain on people’s relationships — including mine — when Donald Trump ran for and eventually became president.

During the campaign, my long-term boyfriend and I were on opposite ends of the political spectrum. He was on the right, and I was on the left. Initially, this didn’t alarm me, but over time, the division began to tear us apart, putting our relationship to the test.

I now fear, in this current political climate, that President Trump has destroyed romance as it once existed.

Once upon a time — two decades ago — we lived the fairy tale.

We fell in love at first sight, and after several joyful years together, we went separate ways. I wanted marriage, and he wasn’t ready.

Eventually, we wed others and lost touch.

Then in 2015, both divorced, we found our way back through Facebook Chat, proving a love so strong could never die.

We began sending each other digital versions of photographs neither of us had tossed away. His albums had been stored in an attic, while mine collected dust in a garage.

“We should meet up for a long drink and catch up,” his message said one morning.

I thought about it and both hesitantly and nervously, I agreed.

The moment our familiar eyes locked, we instantly realized the spark was still there.

I was the woman he wasn’t allowed to speak of during his marriage, he explained. He was the one I often regretted letting go.

When his curated mix of love songs arrived in the mail, two hearts resealed, and we resumed our romantic journey toward a second chance at love.

“We have the greatest story,” he proudly announced to my girlfriends when we reunited. I felt the same.

Blissfully, we started merging our lives with music as our backdrop.

He accompanied me to the Walt Disney Concert Hall to watch Gustavo Dudamel conduct the Los Angeles Philharmonic. Looking handsome, he wore an Italian sports jacket, and his sparkling hazel eyes matched mine identically.

I went to the Stagecoach Country Music Festival with him, wearing my Stetson cowboy hat as we walked through miles of dust and hay.

We posted photos online of us looking deliriously happy.

After a decade and a half apart, we were, admittedly, different people with dissimilar lifestyles.

I was more of an urban girl who lived in Los Angeles and frequented the liberal desert city of Palm Springs. He lived in a post-divorce rental home one hour north of me in Ventura County and thrived in the ultra-conservative mountains of Northern Idaho.

“It’s just geography,” I thought, and as a couple, we seemed to co-exist in each other’s favorite places with ease.

“I’m sorry I never proposed to you back then,” he said one evening.

My heart instantly started to race. Was my boyfriend about to get down on one knee with a ring?

After a moment of silence, I secretly hoped we still had time.

Although he had a history of commitment issues, our renewed love was growing stronger every day. That was until the heated election season rolled in when our perfect relationship started to fray.

“I can’t take another four years of the Clintons,” he murmured while pouring himself a martini.

“Don’t tell me you’d vote for Trump,” I yelled, then lost my appetite.

Once a registered Democrat, during our time apart, my boyfriend shifted his support to the Republican Party. He also hated the fact that Hillary Clinton was running for president.

Throughout the campaign, people were taking sides, and the effects began to permeate the bedroom. Couples were splitting up in “you’re fired” style — basically, instantly and without warning.

The great political divide was crushing relationships, including ours.

In a time of angry accusations of “fake news,” I started feeling like I was living in an all-too-real, fake relationship.

I was in deep conflict, believing we were the poster couple for eternal love. I didn’t want our story to end, so I buttoned my lips when he brought up his anti-liberal rants, and rolled my eyes when he praised “The Donald.”

“Turn off the TV,” he insisted, as I watched the Democratic debates during our trip to the Florida Keys.

Real Time with Bill Maher was off-limits.

“Really? I asked. “I can’t watch one of my favorite talk shows?”

Instead, we settled on watching romantic comedies on demand, curled up together, as a form of truce.

When political coverage became a 24-hour reality show, I noticed his attitude and values contrasted sharply from mine. I believe in gun control and Obamacare, and he’s proud of his gun closet and supports the “big, beautiful wall.”

I thought we could just agree to disagree as my parents did, but it was clear our bipartisan relationship was in jeopardy.

For a woman with a big and public voice, I remained unusually quiet, with the hope that he’d calm down after the voting frenzy was over. Slowly, I started to pull away from him, and I felt him doing the same.

One month before Election Day, we officially became a long-distance couple. He moved to Las Vegas, and I stayed in Los Angeles. With 300 miles between us, and Trump looking over my shoulder, it was challenging to stay connected.

I visited him to see the Rolling Stones in concert. He came my way for Stevie Nicks.

Then Donald Trump surprised us both by winning the election.

Shortly after, with tensions still high, he escorted me to a Hollywood party where both of us arrived dressed in purple to represent unity during a combative time.

On Inauguration Day, my boyfriend couldn’t take his eyes off the television, and I couldn’t bear to watch. He was as excited with Trump’s swearing-in as he’d be if he scored an eagle on his favorite golf course.

Then I asked myself, “Could we survive Trump?”

Here I was, with a man who believed our country’s new leader was making America great again. Meanwhile, I checked Trump’s daily tweets, now the primary source of hard news, as my blood pressure rose.

It was clear my guy didn’t want a left-leaning girlfriend, and I couldn’t express my feelings freely.

Still, on Valentine’s Day, a few weeks later, my beloved curated the perfect 48-hour love fest, and the cloud of politics never made it to the bedroom.

He drove over four hours bringing me one dozen long-stemmed roses in a ruby-red vase, embellished with a crystal heart bracelet. We later dined at an ocean-view table at Shutters on the Beach hotel in Santa Monica, where two years earlier we had reunited.

Together, we posted photos of us on social media and still felt in love as we toasted, “to us.”

It was our last night together as a couple.

Three days later, we called it quits.

Since he’d moved out of state, I tried to convince myself distance caused the split, but it was differing politics and the associated party values that slowly killed us.

Our president became his new hero, and he mirrored the commander-in-chief’s beliefs and behavior. He wanted a polyamorous relationship, and I wanted a devoted partner. It crushed us, but much to my surprise, I wasn’t devastated.

During the time that our country became so polarized, we had changed. My emotions went from sad to mad, but eventually, I started to feel empowered, and my voice re-emerged.

After our romance ended, I decided it was time to look for someone on my side. Luckily, I quickly met a political junkie who lives in town online on Match. He listed himself as liberal in his dating profile, which was enough for me to click the reply button.

Our first date was at a harbor-view restaurant in the Marina. A good sport, he drove over an hour in heavy traffic from downtown LA, looking distinguished in a business suit and tie. I felt immediately at ease.

“Did you vote for Trump?” he asked.

“No,” I quickly replied, as we both sighed with relief.

It was a deal breaker for us both, and as we talked about our nation’s challenges, we clicked.

I admired my brilliant date for helping Dreamers, along with his belief in stronger gun control laws. We talked about Obamacare, tax reform, net neutrality, and immigration issues plaguing sanctuary cities.

Call me a sapiosexual, but his intellect was an aphrodisiac, and our conversations lasted for hours. The floodgates opened, and in time, so did my heart. Who knew that shared leanings and Saturday Night Live monologues could top a mutual desire for dark chocolate?

Because we were in sync, we advanced to a second date, then to a third, and by now, we’ve lost count.

Talking about politics in Trump’s America is important to me.

I worry about our country, but I don’t regret reuniting with my former beau. While I realize our deep history and unconditional love had brought us back together, it’s a huge relief not to have that burning question of “what if” circling inside my head.

However, love is conditional, with politics now residing atop the dating totem pole. As disappointed as I am with our president, I have him to thank for this realization.

And I learned a valuable lesson when my love life got “trumped.”

I’m now watching Bill Maher’s monologues in the arms of a man who appreciates my strong voice, and I am forever grateful to be heard.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s a bestselling author and the the CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert. As an early adopter of Internet dating, Julie’s been coaching singles on finding love online for almost 25 years.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook

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Love vs. Trump: Is Politics Polarizing Relationships?

Love Vs. Trump: Politics Polarizing Relationships

It’s been one-year since Donald Trump took office, and singles are still dealing with the big political elephant in the room, our commander-in-chief and his tweets.

During the election, and in the aftermath since Trump became president, talking about politics has become critical when dating someone new, and to those within their existing relationships.

I recently wrote an essay, Can Love Survive Trump, where I revealed my big confession on how I struggled in my relationship with my long-term love. He had strong and vocal opposing views from mine when it came to politics.

As a dating coach, I believe I provide good dating advice on how to navigate the singles scene, even with politically opposite views. I also really believe in having a good debate. While coaching others on how to talk about politics on a date, I found I didn’t take my advice and kept silent about my complicated relationship status. I now feel liberated, and continue to coach and write about the great political divide.

Politics has become so divisive in dating, that conversations that start at the breakfast table end up on opposite sides in the bedroom. They often no longer include, “Sweet dreams” and a hug.

When one person walks in the Women’s March wearing a pink hat, and the other is jumping for joy about the new tax reform, it’s clear that talking about differing political views need to happen on the first date, if not sooner.

Dating Sites Weigh In

In a Match Singles in America study, they showed that talking about politics on a first date will result in a 91% chance of putting the second one on the calendar.

OkCupid found that 50% of its users won’t date someone with opposing political views. The site also found that users mentioning political words in their profiles increased by more than 1000% from 2015 to 2017.

OkCupid Trump

The site, known for asking provocative questions, has 19 questions about politics. “Trump?” received the most answers, with 74% responding “hell no” and only 4% answering “hell yes.” The most answered question was “Should guns be allowed in schools?” The most polarizing question is, “Did Russia hack the last US election?”

Mobile dating app profiles now include political terms, or instructions to “swipe left if you vote for Trump,” or “swipe right if you think Trump’s making America great again.”

Tinder Politics Dating Deal Breakers

Tinder states that 71% of their users won’t date a Trump supporter. Their Modern Dating Myths, released in April of 2017 showed, “Opposing political views were getting more left swipes.” Nine out of 10 of my dating coaching clients said that having similar political views with their dates are important to them.

Coffee Meets Bagel tells me their poll of 1320 members showed that the majority, 70%, who are Democrats said politics was impacting their dating lives, as compared to 43% of Republican singles.

Plenty of Fish conducted several surveys on politics and dating in 2016 and 2016 and offered some promising news.

POF found while the current political climate is tense, it’s starting to lighten up. They found that less than 1% of singles used the terms “Trump” or “Republican” or “Democrat” in their profiles. They also said that 90% of people had not broken up with someone over political views or party affiliation since the election and recommended not talking about politics on a first date.

Experts Weigh in on Trump and Politics

I spoke with Dr. Helen Fisher, biological anthropologist and Chief Science Officer at Match, who said, “If singles feel very strongly about their political views, they should add it to their profiles.”

CNN Political Contributor and KABC Radio co-host John Phillips agrees with Fisher. “If both people are passionate and care about politics a great deal, it could be a problem,” said Fisher. “But then the relationship is probably doomed anyway.”

Dr. Fisher’s research indicates that people gravitate towards people who share their values. “For couples who are polar opposite politically, they just have to agree to disagree and find a way to respect each other,” Fisher said.

“People are going to stay strong in their positions because we aren’t talking about how you butter your toast,” said Fisher. “Things with the Dreamers and the immigrants is real and taps into basic values.”

Deal breakers for singles used to include height, smoking, and religion. They’ve been replaced with politics as a top deal breaker, with singles feeling more comfortable dating someone with same political views.

Phillips, who identifies as Republican, tells me that politics is more critical than ever in today’s dating world. “It’s more important than it used to be because the news has essentially become one endless talk show about politics,” said Phillips.

He believes politically charged opposite couples can co-exist in Trump’s America. “If Dodger fans can date Giants fans without the relationship ending in a 911 call, Trump and Clinton supporters can co-exist without domestic violence,” Phillips said.

Are we heading to a point where we can agree to disagree over an appetizer and enjoy crème brûlée for dessert? I sure hope so.

“There used to be water cooler topics. Now there’s one water cooler topic: politics,” adds Phillips.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s been coaching singles on finding love online for almost 25 years with the Irresistible Profiles programs.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook

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Dating in a Political World

Dating in a Trump World

It was one year ago today, when like most others, I was glued to the television watching the results of the Clinton versus Trump election. In my hand, as I sat solo in my family room, was my iPhone. Like others, I was busy texting election results back-and-forth with my friends.

Most of us had expected Hillary Clinton to win the election and it would be a historical day for America to have our first female President.

As the night went on, many of us were stunned as the electoral college results came in. With Florida and Ohio in the Trump camp, shock waves hit across the country and throughout the world.

None of us were prepared for the outcome.

Some were thrilled with the news of Donald Trump becoming the next president, while others literally cried and started to worry about our country.

How this relates to dating is huge.

As a dating and relationship coach, the biggest dating divide I’ve ever experienced in the history has been this past election, along with the year that has passed since election day.

Mashable reports that a single man on Tinder has been using a new technique which he calls “Trumping” to reject dates he’s not interested in anymore.

Dan, the Trumping guy, sends a message to his matches saying he voted for Trump, instead of telling them he isn’t interested, or taking the coward’s way out of ghosting, which has plagued over 90% of millennials.

Meanwhile, conservatives are still bashing Clinton and liberals don’t want to date Trump supporters. Being on opposite ends of the political spectrum is a passion that just isn’t sexy in Trump’s America.

Other data shows existing relationships became strained with the election results. I predicted in my Huffington Post column that many relationships would end between Inauguration Day and Valentine’s Day, and now know this to be a fact.

The truth is, it’s not about being liberal or conservative. It’s not even about who one voted for, as much as it’s about values. Values are the core of what makes a couple click and what helps them stick together during the inevitable bumps on the road.

Whether it’s family values or walls being built, singles have a lot to say these days, with politics topping the list of deal-breakers.

While I think things have calmed down a bit, with singles and couples agreeing to disagree, it’s been a challenging time for the love world.

Dr. Helen Fisher, biological anthropologist and chief science officer at Match agrees and tell me, “Maybe couples should have a little system of a time out, where one person says one thing.”

An adult time-out. Maybe this will ease the tension of dating in a Trump world.

Here’s how it works.

“He gets two minutes to say that one thing and then the other person gets two minutes to say theirs,” explains Fisher. “Then they go into the bedroom and don’t talk about it, or they go and play a game, or do something to change the brain.”

Fisher believes something as simple as taking a bike ride will bump up the dopamine system and will reduce the pain in your relationship.

From my view, people are definitely more passionate about their political views these days. Watching the news or scrolling through tweets has given us a 24-hour reality show. Having a voice on social media is now a license to post public rants in one direction or another, resulting in the deterioration of many friendships.

How does this relate to love one year later?

For me, I’ve been glued to the news in a more magnified way and I know others feel the same. As a dating coach, I encourage political conversations to be brought to the front in a kind manner, without people attacking each other. If it’s true that love will find a way, remember why you fell in love in the first place.

It’s time to return to the time when a lively debate made an interesting topic for a date.

Let’s not bring war into the bedroom.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the CEO and founder of Cyber-Dating Expert, and as an early adopter of Internet dating, has been coaching singles for over 23 years on finding love online.

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Photo credit: Fotolia

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Single Daters Decide Which Candidate They’d Like to Hang Out With

As the Presidential candidates continue to debate, our friends at Happn, one of our recommended mobile dating apps, have shared with us which candidate their single members would rather hang out with, either Donald Trump (R) or Hillary Clinton (D).

Happn polled 965 of its users about what activities they would prefer to do with Trump or Hillary. The six options are based Happn’s latest “See You There” feature, which gets users to meet IRL for fun activities.

Are you ready to jog with Hillary or go on a night on the town with the Donald? See a movie with the Clinton’s or grab a drink with Donald? Before you turn on the television to watch the debate, read the results of this poll.

Get ready for the digital drum roll!

Presidential Debaate Happn

1. Go out on the town: Trump slightly beat Clinton with 52% of the votes. The Donald also wins over swing state voters in this category with 65% over Clinton’s 35%. Fifty-five percent of millennials (20-29 year old respondents), 52% of both Gen Xers (40-49 year olds) and baby boomers (50-59 year olds) all want to party it up with Trump. But 66% of women choose Hillary along with 30-39 year olds, while 59% of men choose The Donald.

2. Go for a run: Happn users are clear about who they want to hit the pavement with. Hillary ran past Donald with 64% of the votes opting for her as their “running mate.” Trump gets the vote from 18-19 year olds (65%), while Hillary leads with women (82%) and just barely takes the swing state vote (51%).

3. Get a drink: Do single daters prefer sipping martinis with Hillary or a (non-alcoholic) daiquiri with Donald? This vote was split 50-50. Women favor Hillary (72%), while men (59%) are down for a drink with Donald. But in the battleground states, Happn voters raise their glasses to Donald at 58%.

4. Catch a movie: And the Oscar goes to… Hillary. She is the overall fan favorite (65%) and also takes home the award among women (84%) and in the swing states (55%). But Trump steals the show in a supporting role: 59% of 18-19 year olds would rather see a film with him.

5. Grab a bite to eat: Happn users want to break bread with Clinton (61%) in addition to 20-29 year olds (60%), 30-39 year olds (64%), 40-49 year olds (57%), 50-59 year olds (64%), men (54%) and women (78%). But Trump won’t end up dining alone with 18-19 year olds (53%) willing to grab a snack with the Republican candidate.

6. Go for a walk: When it comes time to slow it down and take a stroll, most Happn users choose Hillary as their “sole” mate. Nationally, 68% of users are interested in taking a walk with Hillary, as are 20-29 year olds (68%), 30-39 year olds (71%), 40-49 year olds (66%), 50-59 year olds (67%), women (83%), men (62%) and in the swing states (60%). But once again, 18-19 year olds are rallying behind Trump with 53% of the vote.

What about the Swing States?

Happn reports that the six swing states backing Trump include: Arizona, Florida, Iowa, Michigan, Nevada, and Virginia.

Meanwhile, Clinton gets the backing of the following six swing states: Colorado, Georgia, New Hampshire, North Carolina, Ohio, and Utah. Pennsylvania can’t decide who they’re putting in the White House – half want Hillary, half want Donald. (sigh).

Democrats or Republicans?

Forty-two percent of Happn respondents identified themselves as Democrats, with 16% saying they were Republicans. Forty-two percent have either no political affiliation or selected “Other” (i.e. Libertarian, Green, Constitution).

*This article published by Cyber-Dating Expert, LLC and it’s affiliates do not endorse any political candidate

Will you be watching the debate?

P.S. If you haven’t registered to vote, we urge you to do now right here.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating and Mobile Dating Expert. She’s the founder of Cyber-Dating Expert and has been coaching singles for over two decades on how to find love on the Internet and on mobile dating apps.